Parental fatigue, views on upbringing, and sometimes the behavior of the child lead to the fact that mom or dad are often annoyed with the child, break into a cry, get angry. Of course, parents do not stop loving at the same time, but in fact, children often hear negative words addressed to them. Meanwhile, an atmosphere of peace of love is vital for a child to develop and grow up. Only by feeling parental acceptance and love can a child stand firmly on his feet and boldly walk through life. To create the necessary atmosphere for raising a child, parents often have to work on themselves first. It is hard work, but the rewards will exceed all expectations. If you are already on this path, the tips below will be very helpful.
- Do not hold your child responsible for your reactions and behavior. Sometimes, out of powerlessness, the parents themselves take a childish position, shifting responsibility for their own actions to the child: “Well, what to do with you: spank you or put you in a corner?”, “Do you want me to scold you more?”. The child cannot decide how his parents should educate him, punish him and act in a given situation. This is the task of adults.
- Take responsibility for your actions. The child is not angry and annoyed, but you are angry and annoyed when he does something. Taking responsibility for your reactions gives you the ability to control them, because you cannot change what you are not responsible for.
- Analyze your behavior. In the process, you will be able to see the mechanism for triggering your reactions to the child's actions and understand what is actually upsetting you.
- Don't overwork yourself. The parental resource needs constant replenishment, so don't push yourself and your needs into the background. Sleep, proper nutrition, physical activity, hobbies and hobbies give positive emotions and fill with strength for a calm upbringing.
- Give up rush and rigid life planning. Very often we get angry with children because they are too slow or their behavior interferes with our plans. If you take your time and let events just happen in your life, there will be much less problems.
- Formulate your requirements correctly. It is very difficult for children to perceive the requirements of adults, because they are formulated in the "adult" language. Adults often formulate their requirements in a “negative” way: “don't go in”, “don't touch”, “don't come near”. The child needs not so much prohibitory signals as specific instructions: "Take your hand away from the dog and go to mom."
- Learn to leave your problems outside the children's room. Children perfectly "read" the emotional state of adults. If you are “nervous” and immersed in thoughts about problems at work, financial difficulties, conflicts with relatives, the child will definitely “catch” your nervousness and will behave accordingly. From the very birth, the rule is unshakable: "Calm mother - calm child."
- Do not demand from your child what you cannot do yourself. Agree, it is absurd to shout in rage at a crying child: "Calm down immediately!" If you yourself cannot control your emotions, the child, looking at you, will never learn to cope with his own.
- Raising a child in love and tranquility, you do good not only for him, but also for yourself, "growing" inside yourself a wise, calm, loving parent.
- If it seems to you that the child is provoking you, stop and think: what does this little defenseless man really want now? In most cases, behind provocative behavior is a desperate desire for attention and closeness.
- Control what and how you tell your children. It is necessary to express criticism to children correctly: firstly, it should be “I-statements”; secondly, you need to criticize not the child himself, but his specific actions. For example, instead of "You make me angry", it is better to say "I get angry when you ...".
- Be open to new experiences and knowledge. Not only do children learn from their parents, but parents can also learn a lot from their children.
- The best parenting position is that of overbearing care. This position requires strength, self-confidence, and personal maturity. But it is from this position that education can take place without screaming and irritation. A child happens simply because you are an adult whom he trusts and whose authority he recognizes.
- Feel free to seek support from more experienced parents, whose example is indicative for you, from specialists and books. Sometimes through books and conversations you can see your mistakes and draw conclusions.
- Don't expect instant results from yourself. Working on yourself and developing new habits takes time. Celebrate every step on the way to your goal, praise yourself for the slightest progress. If today you were angry and annoyed with the child less than yesterday, this is already good.
- Do not look for special reasons to tell your child about your love and be sure to maintain physical contact with hugs, touches, kisses.
- Trust in your child and their good intentions. Nature is laid in such a way that children always strive to be good for their parents, to please them, it is just that the child is not always able to appreciate what is really appropriate and good, and what is not very good. Your task is to teach him this.
- Shift the focus of your actions from "training" to the relationship with the child. Upbringing is, first of all, a reliable and close relationship, and not a system of prohibitions and punishments. If there are no problems in a relationship with a child, it is easy to educate him in love and calmness, because he himself strives to be like you, to obey.
- Don't confuse love for a child with permissiveness. A child just needs to know the boundaries of what is permissible, for him these are points of support in the world around him and the basis of his life principles and guidelines.
- When prohibiting or restricting the child, do it from a position of overbearing concern. If there are any rules, then in principle they must always be observed. Moreover, every time the child needs to be explained why you forbid him to do something: “I don’t want you to get sick”, “I want you to have healthy eyes”.
- Allow your child to show any emotions and be in any mood, be sad, naughty, cry. Accepting any child's behavior, not just exemplary ones, is the best confirmation of your love.
- Drop all expectations about your child and do not compare him with other children. A child deserves love simply because he is, and not for success and achievements.
- Always be on the side of the child, especially when someone else criticizes the child or teaches him. The situation when a mom or dad, out of a desire to “please” a stranger, unites with him “against” the child and begins to shame or teach him, is very traumatic. The child perceives this as a betrayal, which greatly undermines trust in the relationship.
- Don't be afraid to compliment your child. For a long time in our culture, it was believed that you cannot praise a child - you can spoil him with it. In fact, words of praise for a child are a powerful motivation to become better and to please parents. Otherwise, what's the point of being good if no one notices his small victories? Praise can also encourage desired behavior, but then you need to praise correctly. Not a mechanical "well done", but explaining in detail to the child that you liked how he did something or behaved in some situation. We read the advice of a psychologist on how to properly encourage children
- Forgive yourself for your "imperfection" and remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes. Being a parent is not taught anywhere, so your motherhood or fatherhood is sheer improvisation. But even if you were wrong about something, most pedagogical mistakes can be corrected, and it is better to focus on that.
We read on the topic:
- Raising a child up to a year: advice to parents;
- 10 tips to stop yelling at your kids
- 10 mistakes of parents in raising children;
- How to tell a child “DO NOT” and “NO” correctly;
- Question from moms: "What should I do if I constantly yell at my baby?" - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/chto-mne-delat-esli-ya-postoyanno-krichu-na-svoego-rebenka.html.
Raising a child is a very difficult process. A child is raised not only by parents, but also by the very atmosphere that prevails in the house, other family members, a kindergarten, a school. But it is the parents who are the main people in the child's life. Parental love makes him strong, resilient, able to achieve success and cope with any difficulties. Work on yourself, change unsuccessful parenting models for more effective ones, gain parental wisdom and raise your child in peace and love!
