In the process of raising children, very often parents have to deny their children some kind of requests, requirements and desires. But usually categorical "No!" becomes the cause of children's tantrums, resentment, misunderstanding and anger. Children regard this as self-dislike, as suppression of their freedom of choice, as an infringement of their rights. A short but insulting word “no” does not explain to children why parents are against it, why they do not allow it. They do not understand the reasons for refusal, which makes them rebel. And very often in response to "No!" we hear from our children that we are bad, that they do not love us and even hate us.
To avoid hysterics and to achieve obedience from the child, it is necessary to explain why it is impossible, and try to do it in such a way that there is no word "no" in the address. And, fortunately, the Russian language is so rich that it will not be difficult to find alternative expressions for the word “no” that will explain to the child the reason for such a decision of the parents and will not offend his feelings. It's just that most parents are too lazy to find the right words to explain the reason. It is much easier for them to say "No!"
- Give your child an informative answer that does not include the word “no”. For example, when a child asks if he can go with a classmate to the playground after school, do not rush to immediately refuse. Better explain that today he was given a lot of homework and if he goes to play with friends, he simply will not have time to do everything. In this case, the child will understand that the mother is not opposed to him playing, but he has a more important lesson.
- Respect the child's feelings. If the child does not want to go home and asks to stay a little longer, tell him that you yourself would like to stay here a little more, but the time is approaching evening, and you need to get home before it gets dark. He will understand that the situation does not depend on you, you are in solidarity with his feelings, but you already need to leave.
- Tell us about the problem. For example, you and your child are in a store, and you only have enough money for the essentials. The kid starts asking to buy him a toy. Do not refuse, just say that today you have money only for food to cook dinner, and next time you will definitely buy him what he asks. The child will regard this as the consent of the parents to grant his requests, but not now, but a little later.
- Try to say yes instead of no. It happens that you need to refuse, but you can also agree. For example, a child has not finished his lunch and asks for friends to go outside. Tell him that, of course, he will go to play, but only after he has finished dinner.
- Give yourself time to think. Your child has come home from school and announces that his friends are going to a picnic this weekend and asks you to let him go too. You shouldn't tell him that at the previous picnic he caught a cold, and this time you will not let him go. Better tell me what you need to think about. The child, not receiving a categorical refusal, will be pleased that the mother will seriously weigh the pros and cons, and only then will she give an answer.
Try not to refuse the child, look for suitable words that will help him understand and respectfully accept your decision, whatever it may be. Frequent "No!" leads to the fact that the child from your ally turns into an enemy who will do everything in spite of you. And remember, so that the child understands you, you must patiently explain to him, and not "cut off the shoulder."
- How to refuse a capricious child? How to tell a child: “No”?
- How to say no to your child - 5 basic rules
- How to prohibit without prohibiting
- What can and cannot be prohibited to a child
- To punish a child for accidental misconduct or not?
Komarovsky, how to say no to a naughty child:
