Some men, after the birth of a child, share the responsibility of caring for and upbringing with their spouses, not considering it a heavy burden. Others, on the contrary, try to move away from any troubles associated with the development of babies, being sure that this is a woman's business. Many mothers think that their husbands are simply being removed from family concerns. How to avoid conflicts between spouses and involve dad in the process of raising children?
Most often, young married men are concerned with the material support of their wives and children. But sometimes they do not have enough time and energy to raise a child. So in many families, kids meet with dad only in the evenings or weekends. Also, unfortunately, there are fathers who could well take a walk or work with a child, but consider the upbringing and development of children to be a purely female responsibility.
So, let's try to find the best way out of this confusing situation. And the sooner a young mother comes to understand the need for decisive progress in attracting dad to raising a baby, the better it will be for everyone.
- Give up your exclusive role
Psychologists note that women themselves are most often to blame for this situation. Many young mothers are so baked and worried about their beloved offspring that they do not entrust his upbringing to anyone, even their spouse. Remember that your husband is no more stupid than you and can cope with perhaps any task except breastfeeding. Delegate some of your "powers", and then a man will understand that he is not only a breadwinner, but also a beloved husband and dad (How to arrange life after the birth of a child?).
- Start with a conversation
Do not rely on the intuition of your man, because all offended looks and your omissions are perceived by him as unworthy whims. Completely honestly and frankly tell your spouse how difficult it is for you to cope with all the household chores and upbringing crumbs. Explain how well it would be for everyone if he devotes half an hour or an hour a day to his baby.
- Share your child's success
Try to tell your spouse every night what progress your baby has achieved over the past day. Was the child not capricious during a routine examination by a doctor? Please your husband with this news. The more information you give your dad, the more willingly he will join the upbringing process. Also ask him for advice on issues related not only to disciplinary actions (after all, dad is not a punitive authority), but also developmental methods.
- Refuse criticism
Probably, dad is not eager to start raising his son because you point out mistakes and shortcomings every time? Let's say he put green pants on a child with a pink guipure blouse. But the baby is happy, she is not naked. Everything as you asked! Therefore, try not to notice the small mistakes of the young father and not scold for the spots on the baby bib.
- Do not stand "above your soul"
Have you given your husband a commission? Leave him alone. Trust me, he doesn't need 10 sheets of instructions for changing a diaper or feeding a baby. Yes, maybe he will not succeed the first time, but he will get the most valuable experience of interacting with the child. And when a strong contact between the baby and the dad is established, then you do not have to remind him of paternal responsibilities.
- Spend time enjoying each other's company
Take time to chat with each other. Some couples take evening walks together while their toddler sleeps in a stroller or sling. Other spouses leave the child with relatives to be alone. Such communication will help preserve the marital relationship and will allow you to overcome all resentments and misunderstandings.
- Find a joint activity
At an early age, it can be an evening swim, massage, or a Sunday walk. With a preschooler, dad can go to the zoo, circus, play football or hockey. Do not stop your husband, even if you think that the activity he has chosen does not quite match the age of the child. Even if he has planned to spend Sunday in his favorite garage, use this time for their communication. Moreover, the baby's gender does not matter: even a daughter will be happy to "help" her daddy.
- Appreciate his efforts
First of all, tell your spouse the word he longs to hear: "Thank you!" Have you washed a mountain of dishes, but did not have time to sweep the floor? Thanks! Did you go skiing with your son? Very good, because the child is overwhelmed with positive emotions and pride in common achievements. Sincerely agree with the kid: “Yes, look what a wonderful dad we have! How he loves us! How he helps us! "
Sometimes it is not easy for men to understand how hard work it is to raise a child. It happens that a mother is embarrassed to ask her husband for help, especially if she made a successful career before the decree and is used to relying only on herself. You need to firmly remember that you do not have to do everything and for everyone. Raising children is a shared activity, which means that responsibilities need to be shared between both parents.
How not to raise a mama's son - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/kak-ne-vospitat-mamenkinogo-syinochka.html
