Positive and negative influence of grandparents on the upbringing of grandchildren. The rules of interaction between parents and the older generation.
When we talk about the educational process, we mention, first of all, parents. However, one should not underestimate the role of the older generation in raising a child. Moreover, this influence can be both positive and negative. How do grandparents affect a child?
For many young mothers and fathers, the help of their parents becomes a real gift of fate. The experience of the older generation helps to cope with unknown situations in raising a baby, and the word "granny" can rightfully be considered a synonym for the words "tenderness" and "love".
However, sometimes the grandmother's concern leads to negative results. Excessively condescending or, on the contrary, "draconian" educational methods become the source of numerous quarrels and scandals between relatives.
The positive impact of grandparents on a child
- First of all, it is necessary to talk about the support provided by older relatives in caring for the baby. Parents often work all day long, and after work and on weekends try to go to a cafe, a movie or meet friends. At this time, it is often the grandparents who sit with their grandchildren.
- New parents are often afraid to make responsible decisions that relate to the care and supervision of their first child. And here experienced grandmothers come to the rescue, who are confident in their abilities and know what to do with small children.
- The adult generation will find time to help with lessons, play with children, broaden their horizons by reading books, telling real life stories.
- Sometimes there is a feeling that a "mystical" connection is being established between the elderly and the child - fairy tales from the lips of a grandfather or grandmother seem more interesting than the same ones that parents read.
- Communication with relatives expands the social contacts of children, thanks to this they will be able to gain direct experience of interacting with adults, and not just with peers.
The negative influence of the older generation
- Many grandfathers and grandmothers spoil their grandchildren, allow them what the family does not allow. For example, beloved grandmothers do not limit watching cartoons and allow you to skip daytime sleep. Some even try to negotiate with their grandchildren so that they are silent in front of their parents about these liberties. It is not surprising that after such an intervention, children try to bargain for the same privileges from their mother, using whims, tears and tantrums.
- Some grandmothers, on the other hand, adhere to an authoritarian style of interaction with a child. Their motto is: "You need to educate children while they still fit across the bench"... Needless to say, after such communication, the baby resists in every possible way to meet with close relatives.
- Sometimes grandparents try to shield their grandson from literally everything. He constantly hears: "Do not run - you will fall", "Do not raise a stick - you will get dirty"... Psychologists assure that such "hothouse" education can develop into fears, and then into uncertainty and inertia.
Rules for parents
If you notice that after visiting grandparents, the child's behavior changes dramatically, a serious conversation is necessary. However, remember that pampering children often comes from genuine love.
- Try to be clear about the boundaries of your parents' influence on the child. It is you who are responsible for his upbringing, and grandparents are, albeit the main ones, but still assistants.
- Discuss any contradictions and discrepancies in your baby's development. But do not do this in his presence, so as not to reduce the authority of adults. By the way, some children, looking at quarrels, quickly figure out how to play on contradictions. So there is a risk of getting a little manipulator.
- Do not forget that how grown-up children will relate to you in the future depends on your attitude to the older generation. Therefore, even if you have a negative attitude towards grandparents, do not show it at least in front of a baby.
Rules for grandparents
- Try not to tell your children that they are raising your grandchildren the wrong way (even if you think so). Take the side of your daughter or son and help them realize their educational plans. Remember that they wish their children (and therefore your grandchildren) only well.
- Tell the younger generation about their child, his needs and possible problems, but don't blame! Your task is to agree on how to correct the child's shortcomings and meet his needs.
- Do not “buy” the attention and love of babies with numerous gifts. If you want to make an expensive present (phone, laptop) for your grandson, do not forget to consult with his mom and dad.
- Avoid conflicts, because you have a wealth of life experience - something that your children do not yet have. This means that you are more experienced in relationships with people and can either give in, or turn the conversation so that they agree with you.
Perhaps, every family has its own difficulties and omissions, which are associated with the influence on the child of grandparents. The degree of intensity depends on many circumstances: living together or separate, the social maturity of the family and the period of its life. Psychologists are sure that the first years are the most serious, as mutual adaptation takes place. Also, a big role is played by whose parents they are - mothers or fathers.
For both generations, the ideal interaction model is close relationships at a certain distance. That is, a young family with a child lives in a separate apartment, but often visits their parents and uses their services. For their part, young people help the "old people" experience loneliness more comfortably.
Of course, the family is the parents' personal territory, where their rules apply. And only mom and dad are responsible for raising a child. However, one should not forget that the role of grandfathers and grandmothers in the educational process can hardly be overestimated. And if they do not seek to replace their parents, but, on the contrary, support and do not criticize them, communication with the older generation becomes a real holiday for the child.
- Grandmother or nanny: with whom to leave the child
- Solving Generational Dispute Problems: 5 Situations When You Need to Say Stop to Grandma and Grandpa
- 4 common types of grandparents
- How to improve the relationship between the child and his grandparents?
- Grandmother pampers her grandchildren and allows them everything - what should parents do
Difficult condition
This program will be useful for both parents and grandparents, answer difficult questions and positively affect family relationships in a large family, bringing mutual understanding, respect and the right attitude to their marital status into it. The theme of our program is "The role of grandparents in raising grandchildren."
"Grandmother's" education
What is the role of grandparents in raising a child? Is it good or bad when grandchildren spend more time with them than with mom and dad? Psychologist's comment.
