Fathers are different and they do not always have ideal traits. Often their mistakes in upbringing can ruin the lives of children. There are seven main types of imperfect fathers. Psychologists have formed them on the basis of the most common mistakes in upbringing, as well as their causes and effects. From each type, one can single out the main positive features, on the basis of which one can form one's own ideal of a real father. Knowing the characteristics of each type will help to avoid mistakes and become such a dad that the child will be proud of.
Who are tyrant popes?
Such dads communicate with the child strictly and as an equal, they perceive children as small adults, so they cannot find a common language with them. They sincerely wonder how a mere trifle can bring a child to tears (for example, a burst balloon) or, conversely, become the cause of his stormy enthusiasm (for example, a hollow found in a tree), and therefore they are able to share the sadness and joy of their child. The inner world of a son or daughter is of no interest to such a parent. Such fathers are proud, have a strong character and act according to the principle "I am always right"without admitting any contradictions. Upbringing in the "execution" of an authoritarian father comes down to vigilant control of the child's behavior, lectures, admonitions and strict requirements: "Don't go!", "Don't touch!", "Put it back!" etc. The result is a crippled psyche of a child, ruined childhood and future. Some “tyrant” fathers not only morally oppress their children, keep them in constant fear and tension, but also raise their authority in the form of physical violence. The children of such fathers feel lonely and suffer.
Tyrants at every step criticize, find fault, shout at children and consider this behavior to be the correct educational measure. The psyche of a child in such an environment can break. He, taking to heart the resentment and sting of his father, becomes insecure and may in the future establish the same order in his family. Such fathers give their children neither love, nor tranquility, nor understanding, nor poise.
Indifferent fathers - callous and detached, not showing tenderness and affection
Indifferent fathers are extremely contemptuous of "calf tenderness", therefore they never hug, kiss, caress neither their children nor their wife in their presence. The tactile “callousness” of the father is especially detrimental to girls. So, the need for bodily contact with the father, unsatisfied in childhood, leads to the fact that an adult daughter has difficulties in manifesting sexuality and often finds herself in bed with barely familiar men. Such dads do not demonstrate emotional attachment to children, but only show irritation and neglect. Their love is abstract and expressed in material terms. They have no connection with the child, are not interested in his life. They are always busy and do not participate in the upbringing. All attempts to establish any contacts with them are suppressed.
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A child with an emotionally detached father adapts less well to life and is prone to developing addictions. The daughters of such fathers find it difficult to establish relationships with partners. They often find the same callous men. Sons become bad fathers. They simply do not know how a father should behave and what responsibilities to fulfill. Children find it difficult to build relationships with friends and colleagues. The result in a family with an indifferent father and an emotionally active mother can be a child whom everyone calls “mother's joy” and who constantly pulls money from the father.
The henpecked dad is soft and weak, incapable of responsible decisions and actions
Despite their kindness and complaisance, they do not enjoy authority with their children. A son or daughter is deprived of psychological care and a sense of support. They see the shyness of the father and his inability to solve life's problems.
With such dads, children often become leaders for themselves. In adolescence, they can become "uncontrollable", demonstrating their independence in every way, fall under the influence of bad companies. At an older age, a daughter raised by such a dad often chooses the same mild loser in life as her companions, and a son can also grow up to be a henpecked one.
A dad suffering from various addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling) is a family misfortune
A family in which the father suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction or gambling addiction is a dysfunctional and morally disadvantaged family. There are constant conflicts, scandals, experiences. Children grow up in an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, shame and despair.
The main factors that influence the formation of children in a family with an alcoholic or drug addict father are:
- Family secret - the father's addiction is kept secret and not discussed. Children get used to lies and evasions, they are ashamed of dad;
- Fear, anxiety and unpredictability - lack of consistency in the father's behavior, quarrels and conflicts;
- Lack of tenderness and warmth in relationships - children become secretive and acutely feel their insecurity;
- Lack of attention - the dad is absorbed in his problems, the mother is busy with thoughts about how to cure her husband from addiction, and the children are left to themselves. They often begin to think that they themselves are the cause of family troubles. This contributes to the formation of low self-esteem and chronic dissatisfaction with life.
Adult daughters of dependent parents choose the same partners in their lives with addictions. Research shows that children of alcoholics have a high risk of alcoholism... So, according to statistics, about 80% of sons with alcohol-dependent parents, and up to 25% of daughters suffer from alcoholism in the future.
While the child is small, he adores his dad, who is addicted to gambling, loves to play with him and fool around. At thirty, he has more passion than a little son. At some point, teenage children stop respecting a dependent father. He is not an authority for them.
What happens if dad is a workaholic?
Workaholics are financially wealthy heads of household who are preoccupied with their job, business or career. They are rarely at home and focus only on the financial well-being of the family. In a family with a workaholic, there is complete abundance. He even works at home, not paying attention to children and not emotionally participating in their lives.
A typical evening with a working dad can be described as follows. He returns home late and immediately sits down at the computer to work. The son, looking into the room, holds out a drawing and says: "I drew an elephant." Dad glances down at the paper and turns back to the computer. The son leaves and he no longer has a desire to enter. He understands that he and his achievements are not important. He comes to the conclusion that dad's love can be earned by something significant and grandiose: running away from home, jumping from a parachute, or being able to make a lot of money. Such a son will constantly remember his insignificance, even if he can achieve a lot in life. Nothing can ever replace his attention and fatherly love.
During the period of growing up, such children have behavioral problems - this is aggression, inability to control their feelings and emotions, disobedience.
Do I need a coming (Sunday) dad?
According to statistics, about 40% of divorced fathers communicate with their children, and one fourth of them see them regularly once a week. Such fathers are called Sunday Popes. What can Sunday dad give and is he needed? This is a tricky question with many points of view.
The family may fall apart, but the mother and father remain parents and the dad has every right to take part in the fate of his child. Psychologists advise to dissolve marriages in a civilized manner. Many couples, after parting and creating new families, become friends for the sake of children and raise them together.
If the father is indifferent to the fate of the child, then such Sunday dads are definitely not needed. Better to let him go. After all, a father is not just a biological relationship, it is constant care, attention and love.
Many Sunday dads treat their children like a toy with which to take pictures, take a walk, show off. Meetings are not regular, dad may disappear for a long time. Communication with such fathers will not benefit the child and will not make him happy.
Psychologists believe that raising a son without a father incorrectly forms the standards of male behavior. A girl who grows up without a father may also have problems in her future family life.
How to treat fathers who are not satisfied with the gender of the child?
Not every father is happy with the sex of the unborn child. Such fathers cause significant trauma to the psyche and normal development of the baby. A father awaiting the birth of a boy, when his daughter appears, feels that he has been deceived and may begin to raise her like a son. This negatively affects the girl's further family life.
Psychologists advise to see in a child an extension of himself, not a gender. The child gives joy and disappointment, makes you smile and cry, causes feelings of pride and sadness. Every day he gives great love. And the gender is not at all important.
Gentle and strict, caring and busy, disciplined and confused - whatever the father is, only he will teach his son logic (we also read: raising a son. Father's allowance), and the daughter will be able to give reliable protection and confidence in the future (and TOP-25 rules for a dad who is raising a daughter). Real fathers are able to instill in a child organization, strong-willed qualities, logical thinking, and a love of physical exercise. They are not just breadwinners and breadwinners of the family, but also full-fledged participants in the educational process, capable of raising a full-fledged person from a child, ready for an independent life.
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