I was incredibly lucky with my grandmother. Sometimes it seems to me that such another simply does not exist! She is so one in a million! Thanks to her, I grew up to be an intelligent and decent person. It's just a shame to be different, when so much love, care has been invested in you, and all your childhood was spent under the best slogans of the nobility: dignity, intelligence, honor, education and creativity.
Correct position
If adults were tagged, then I should have Grown With Love. This is my real wealth! There is not a drop of irony in these words. As soon as something important happens in my life, I immediately remember my grandmother's science. She has never let me down!
When I gave birth to my son, my mother, like my grandmother, took a very correct position. It consists in the fact that help without interfering and timely questions regarding the upbringing and care of the child (“Can I give it?”, “How best to do it?”, etc.). Thanks to this, we do not have conflicts in the family associated with my son and her grandson. It makes life a lot easier!
Is the grandmother the head of the family?
It is very convenient when there is a grandmother who is actively involved in her grandchildren. Most of my acquaintances parents speak with great gratitude about such... It is very convenient when you can leave your child with your grandmother and devote half a day to your business or rest. It is convenient when you can go to a party with friends with peace of mind and call your grandmother to look after the younger ones.
This is very convenient when, in the first sleepless weeks after childbirth, you can call the rescuer grandmother and sleep for an hour or two. At this time, the grandmother usually manages not only to keep the child busy, but also to cook something. Yes, such an assistant in the house is extremely convenient!
But one day the “X hour” comes when the grandmother begins to realize her need for a young family. When he realizes that she is very necessary. At this time, often her position from an assistant becomes the position of the head of the family. Grandmother believes that she is the main one and that everything must be done in accordance with her advice and recommendations, there simply should not be another opinion - “I am in charge and we will do it my way”!
Many young parents at this moment do not have the heart to argue. After all, all these months my grandmother was the main support, supported in any endeavors, consoled, helped ... Therefore, the parents lose the first "fights" for the command post, not daring even to a small confrontation. Such behavior convinces the grandmother that she is forever in this family, the helmsman.
The consequences of the grandmother-helmsman
Maybe not everything is as bad as it seems at first? Yes, indeed, if you are comfortable with this situation and the children are okay. That's just often happens: allergy sufferers are fed “healthy” condensed milk, small children eat fish soup and seafood delicacies, in May a child in woolen socks, a child returns from a walk with a new unplanned haircut, plus a lot of attitudes and moods that undermine the authority of parents.
For the first months, my mother-in-law and I participated in the marathon with regards to putting on and taking off the cap on my son's head. He was born to me with excellent hair, the house was warm, but when my grandmother came to visit us, the first thing she did was take the warmest hat and put it on her grandson. All evening I took off my hat, and she put it on again. And this is also the most harmless!
At one point, minor clashes with my grandmother over the slightest reason just got me. We separated her from her grandson for a while. It became much calmer! I realized that sitting alone with a baby is easier than constantly answering a lot of questions, reacting to mouse fuss and listening to “useful” advice about swaddling, complementary foods, etc.
I was lucky, my mother-in-law very quickly accepted the terms of our truce: since then, my grandmother has come to visit to play, read, walk with her grandson on the street. She no longer interferes with food, parenting, dressing, etc.
If you do not eliminate in time the active grandmother-helmsman from your child's radar, then very quickly your authority will be shaken. The result of this may be that all those moments that did not delight you in your upbringing will be applied to your own child. This will affect his life attitudes, worldview, habits, family values, outlook.
Have you read "Bury Me Behind the Skirting Board" by Pavel Sanaev? Remember what a demonic grandmother is there? It is a miracle that Pavel Sanaev did not grow up as an embittered and notorious person, but managed, with a grain of humor and understanding, to transfer his terrible childhood with his grandmother into almost pleasant memories on paper. Such stories convince parents that they must be firm in raising their child. No matter how convenient it is to sometimes drop the child on the grandmother.
Family values
I understand why our grandparents take care of their grandchildren so selflessly. Family, children, dacha and grandchildren are the pillars on which their whole life rests. Usually, pensioners of our latitudes have no interests, except for the family... It is not customary for us to undertake long trips, to participate in circles or hikes, when you are "for ..." ... so grandparents have only grandchildren for self-realization.
The baton of raising the children of the family has been passed on for many generations. First, we help with younger brothers or sisters, then we raise our own children, and then - grandchildren and great-grandchildren. God forbid, someone break this baton of sacrifice! Especially touching are the exclamations that the heroine grandmother raised two, three, four (underline as appropriate) her children! Remember that these children are ALREADY raised many years ago. Approaches to parenting and care have changed significantly over the years. No need to rush on the basis of this argument and ask to raise all the other children (grandchildren). Young parents must go their own way, learn from mistakes and gain their own experience.
You cannot refuse to communicate with the older generation, this is a necessary and important part of any person's life. For me and many of my other peers, this means the warmth of knitted socks, gentle hands, a pleasant rich aroma of pastries throughout the apartment ... These are exciting stories about war, sweets, when they are forbidden by parents. Grandma is there when mom or dad is not around. This is its value and strength.
Grandmother's lot is to bake delicious pies for grandchildren and children, wise timely advice regarding problems and difficulties that you don't want to share with parents, learning how to grow, knit and cook food ... Grandfathers teach grandchildren to tinker, fish, and cheer for their favorite team. And together with grandparents, you can go to the circus or go to the village with great fun! The lot of parents is to make important decisions regarding the life of their children (food, education, rest, etc.), the daily upbringing of a small personality, assistance in formation, creative and spiritual development. When all the roles in the family are correctly distributed, peace and harmony come.
- 4 common types of grandparents
- Five times grandparents should be stopped
- How to improve the relationship between the child and his grandparents?
- GRANDMA VERY PALUTS GRANDCHILDREN AND ALLOWS THEM - HOW TO RESPOND TO THE PARENTS?
Do you know the strange feeling that arises when your views on raising your child differ from those of grandparents? The older generation dictates to you how to properly feed your baby, teach and entertain. And this gives rise to a protest in your soul ... Watch the issue of "Women's Environment" with Yana Kataeva, dedicated to the relationship between parents, grandchildren and grandmothers:
