I used to be sure that the desire to have a second child arises in parents when they consider themselves prepared for this event. For example, confidence in my ability to provide for another baby has appeared, such a spiritual need has arisen, there is a place for love and mutual understanding in the family, there is enough strength that I want to give to another little man. In a word, the same as with the first child, only there is much more confidence and readiness to show parental responsibilities. But it turned out that this is not always the case.
Throughout my life, I have often heard very strange reasons to give birth to a second child, which only caused me bewilderment. Let's talk about this in more detail.
Reason # 1. It is necessary to give birth to a second, otherwise the first child will be selfish
A completely wrong position. Any child will be selfish if raised in an environment of permissiveness and indulge in all his desires. I have a lot of life examples before my eyes, when there were several children in the family, but, nevertheless, selfish people were there too. So how could this happen if, following the logic above, only an only child can be selfish?
The thing is that in large families it is precisely the children who become selfish who receive more parental affection and permissiveness - “the youngest is the best”. If a child feels that he is being singled out, and he is the "main" for his mother, then he will certainly start using it. Over time, he will turn into a real egoist.
And what happens to the one who was "cheated"? He gets used to the fact that in order to achieve his goals, he needs to be on the alert all the time, not to snap his beak, to win back toys, love and parental attention. Therefore, he tries to "grab" more and better, otherwise no one will take care of him. The rudiments of selfishness appear here too.
Turns out that only as a result of improper upbringing, children can become selfish... How many mom and dad will have does not matter at all. The main thing is the approach to children and the correct prioritization.
Remember only baby doesn't mean lonely... He has mom and dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends and neighbors. You can contact all of them - take care of elders, help parents around the house, play with neighbors' children, share toys with them.
If you have an animal in your house that needs constant care, then the best way to turn your baby into a caring "altruist" is hard to come up with. (we also read: a pet for a child: selection rules and advice on care). If this does not help, then the birth of a second child will not change anything.
Try to start raising and raising your firstborn as a humane, caring and warm child. If you cope with this task 100%, then you can think about the birth of a second child. Otherwise, after his birth, the situation in the family will only get worse. Raising two selfish people will be even more difficult.
Reason # 2. One child is not enough for procreation. Humanity is on the verge of extinction ...
Let us no longer complain about the fact that humanity is threatened with catastrophic extinction. It is obvious that today the number of people living on our planet has exceeded the 7 billion mark. What does this mean? The possibility of overpopulation of the globe is becoming real. Therefore, if you are so worried about the future of the whole generation, you should not have children at all.
Or do you belong to a number of people of a noble family and therefore consider yourself obliged to reproduce? And who told you that your family will bring something special for all the inhabitants of our planet? Let's leave such arguments, they are useless.
And I also want to ask a question to people who are worried about the future of all humanity - what have you already done for your kind, city, country, the whole world? Maybe you are tirelessly fighting to preserve the pristine beauty of nature, or are you helping people to fight hardships, supporting the poor and saving the disadvantaged? Or maybe you have built a big bridge in your city for the convenience of movement of all citizens? Made a great discovery, invented something worthwhile?
It turns out that you have already put your soul into humanity, the only thing left is to give birth to another person to preserve your kind? Are all things redone? You should not "worry" about the fate of the whole universe in this way, take up other available methods to make humanity happy if the reason for the birth of a second child is precisely this.
Reason number 3. It is necessary to give birth to a second, otherwise relatives and friends will not understand
It often happens that we are waiting for the reaction of others to our behavior. We are accustomed to the fact that our actions are subject to an assessment that we are so afraid to hear if we do not meet the expectations of the majority.
A case from the life of every girl. When a girl reaches the age of 18, she begins to pester her with questions: "When to get married?" As soon as she gets married, the next trick question “creeps in”: “When are you going to give birth?”. Before she has time to recover from the first birth, the question sounds: "When for the next one?" And so it goes on endlessly.
It turns out that we do not decide how we should live. Do our neighbors, acquaintances, relatives decide? And we have to spend our whole life to correspond to their ideas, to chase their "when"?
Of course not. Learning to avoid inappropriate questions. Let's remember an old anecdote and draw conclusions.
One old woman I know told me all the time at weddings that I was “next”. I endured this pressure for a long time. Everything stopped at one "wonderful" moment, when at the funeral of our neighbor I turned to her and said her catchphrase: "You are next."
So, you already have one child. If that's enough for you, get out of your mind the unnecessary thoughts that "everyone says it is necessary." And whoever believes that one child is very little for a family, let him give birth to as many children as he wants... And no longer climbs into someone else's life.
Reason number 4. The first child will be much more fun if the second appears
This phrase can be taken as a mockery. How do you solve the problem of elder boredom? If you make your first child a "nanny" who will be asked from time to time to bring a bottle, hold a nipple or rattle a toy? We no longer take into account the fact that for some time you will generally "drop out" from the life of your older child - childbirth, recovery after them, caring for a newborn baby. All this does not contribute to his "fun", believe me.
Are you really worried about having someone to play with for your little one, rather than justifying your desire to have a second child with such reasoning? Then allow your first-born to bring friends to his home, allocate a special place for him to play, think about how to organize his leisure time. Remember that children are drawn to their peers, so don't expect siblings to be overly close. Older children are not interested in playing with younger ones. It is a fact. This happens only from despair.
And the main thing. You cannot "use" the second child to entertain the first. It sounds somehow humiliating, even if you are just planning to give birth.
- Why is the older child jealous of the younger? What should parents do?
- My mum! Only mine! - or a few words about childhood jealousy
Reason number 5. A lot of things left from the first child
With this approach, to be honest, it is better not to give birth to the first one. A child, comrades, he is not a plush toy. He must be desired. Beloved. It should have resources in every sense.
And the financial motivation to save three kopecks on things is, sorry, a mental crisis, and not a reason to bring a new person into the world. If you value junk so dearly, put it on the mezzanine and let it be stored there for your joy.
Your clothes shouldn't rule your life. If you do not understand why, I will not be able to explain. You can accept as a fact - people are primary, people are the goal, and things are just a means. Not the other way around.
Should I give birth to a 2nd child?
[sc: rsa]
