People meet, get married, then they have a child. This is how the majority lives, and any deviation from this scheme causes public censure. After all, it is believed that a normal and healthy person one day has a desire to become a parent. It is so accepted in society that children should appear in a family, otherwise it will be defective and unhappy. Is this the truth of life or a stereotype that is firmly entrenched in people's heads?
Let's first figure out why people have children at all. There are several reasons:
- Tradition - a man must plant a tree, build a house and give birth to a son so that he becomes the successor of the family;
- The desire to leave behind someone who will remember you after your death;
- The sense of ownership - it extends not only to things, but also to people. A person wants to be close to "his", such a dear and close person;
- Vestiges of the past. They used to think like this: the more children there are, the more housework they will do. As a result, the family's wealth will grow;
- The need for a person who, in old age, will take care of you and bring that very glass of water;
- Search for the meaning of life. Often, such a meaning for a person becomes his child.
This is a strong case for having children, but some people still go against public opinion.
What arguments do people give for abandoning children?
Childless people are often asked why they still do not have a child. Here's what they usually answer these questions:
- The earth is overpopulated - we are already 7 billion. There are forecasts that with further population growth, there will not be enough food for everyone. Some are intimidated by such prospects;
- It's a crazy world... Why give life to a person if there is instability, injustice, cruelty around?
- Children are very, very expensive... There are people who continue to live at parental expense at the age of 30 and 40. Of course, such a prospect is scary, because you want to spend money on yourself;
- Man has already found the meaning of life... Someone simply lives in harmony with themselves and with the world, enjoys life, but children are not included in these plans;
- It's scary to take responsibility;
- Afraid of being a bad parent and ruin your child's life.
“I didn’t want children and I thought it would always be that way. It turned out that I married a woman with a child and accepted him as my own. Then our daughter was born, I also love her very much. I love both children, I am ready to die for them. So, perhaps, people who do not want to have children simply have no idea what happiness it is to be a parent. "
“I do not have and never will have children. I have no problems with money, everything is fine in my personal life. It's just my personal choice. I used to admit that at the age of 30 I would change my mind, but this did not happen. "
“I think some people give birth to children, because everyone does this, it is accepted in society. I live not for society, but for myself. "
Top 4 reasons not to want children
- The man has already played enough "mothers and daughters"... He may have been the oldest child in the family and babysit his younger siblings while his parents were busy with work. Having matured, a person just wanted to live for himself.
- The family has some kind of hereditary disease... In this case, the person is afraid that the child will also be born sick and will suffer all his life through his fault.
- I don't want to change my lifestyle... When a child appears, you have to adapt to him, sacrifice your entertainment. Not everyone is ready for this.
- The person has other life priorities... Someone wants to make a career, someone travels the world and does not want to settle in one place. The child does not fit into such plans.
I can't handle this kind of responsibility
Parents should constantly make sure that the child is healthy, well-fed, dressed and shod, so that he does not get hurt, does not act up, and does not get into trouble. The hardest part is falling asleep and waking up with thoughts on how to make your baby happy.
Children will steal my time
The child constantly requires attention, so the parents have little time for hobbies and entertainment, it is more difficult for them to build their careers. Women fear that once maternity leave is over, it will be difficult to catch up and regain their credibility at work. You can hire a nanny, but her services are not free. And why bother giving life to a child if there is no opportunity to personally raise him. If you don't work, then there will be time for both the baby and yourself. Not everyone can afford to be a housewife.
I do not want to have children, because they will take up the lion's share of my time. I'll either have to steal their time from work and hobby for them, or hire a nanny for them.
For the latter, I do not yet have the financial opportunity. Plus, I don't want to have kids if I can't spend enough time with them.
Maybe if I had the opportunity to give up work, I would think about giving birth to a child. But I do not have such an opportunity and is not expected.
I can't be a good parent
All people are different. Some train with fanaticism in the gym. Others don't like it, but singing in karaoke is fun and interesting. Why do the same things seem attractive to someone, and boring to someone? The comparison may seem wild, but it reflects the position of people who do not want to have children: everyone likes something and something they dislike. Some people have confidence that they can raise their children with dignity. Others think that they do not have the strength to do it.
I like to be free
Men are simply not ready to sacrifice their freedom. After all, after the birth of a child, it will no longer be possible to often sit in bars with friends, spontaneously go on a trip or sit for a long time without work, looking for the best option.
I am 36 years old, I have no children. Recently, my friends and I went on vacation, all friends have families, almost all have children.
Observing my friends, I noticed that they love their children very much, even though they take up the lion's share of their time.
I have nothing against children, but I do not want to have my own. Perhaps I am afraid of the responsibility that the birth of a child will certainly entail.
World has gone mad
I have a child whom I love immensely. But I perfectly understand people who do not want to have children, in no way condemn them. It is better to honestly admit that you do not want to have children than to have a child and do not care about him.
Take a look around. Many people give birth to children simply because it is so. Others want to save a marriage that has cracked in this way. For other people, a child is only a consequence of unprotected intercourse. The world is going to hell.
I do not want to condemn the child to poverty
People who grew up in poor families are afraid that the same will happen to their children. Therefore, they strive to stand firmly on their feet, to acquire their own housing, to earn enough money so as not to deny themselves anything. The process of gaining financial well-being can take until the end of your life.
I grew up in poverty, lacking in everything. And then I promised myself that if I did not get out of this hole, I would never have children. I still haven't gotten out of the hole.
I can be a happy person without my children
Sometimes women do not have children due to poor health - for example, after learning that they are at risk of miscarriage. Losing a child is really scary. Some women take risks, others abandon the idea of motherhood and decide to seek happiness not in motherhood, but in other things.
My mother had two miscarriages, after watching her sufferings, I never wanted to experience anything like this. I have poor health, so when at the age of 14 I learned that I, too, was at risk of miscarriage, I gave up the idea of being a mother forever.
Now I am 30 years old, I have nephews and nieces that I just adore. I don’t have children of my own, but I can call myself a happy person.
- 5 reasons why men and women delay having babies
- Mom's Story: I Don't Want More Children
