Are you a parent and are often faced with unsolicited advice from others on how to raise your children? In this article, you'll find ideas on how to respond to these counselors and discourage them from giving directions.
If you want to receive soft and unobtrusive advice on how to develop and grow your blood, read articles with answers to popular questions on the site http://bezsoski.ru/. And here we will figure out how to respond when parents are given unsolicited and completely inappropriate advice.
1. "Will cry and calm down, no need to pamper and indulge"
When a child does not get what he wants, is capricious, screams and cries for a "trifling" (from the point of view of outsiders) reason - he really experiences very strong negative emotions. Mom should help him to experience these emotions - not to suppress, but to be there until the face dries up and lights up with a smile.
And when a mother is told to leave everything as it is, it feels like betraying her own child and leaving him in a situation of grief and helplessness. Therefore, such advice only causes indignation in a modern mother, because she feels her baby, wants and can calm him down.
What to answer
Among such advisers there may be not only strangers, but also relatives and even a spouse. Therefore, it is worth choosing the correct answer that will not cause reciprocal aggression and does not provoke a quarrel. He must simply exhaust the desire to give unsolicited advice.
Say this: when I cried as a child, more than anything I wanted to be hugged and said something good - so I will treat my child this way, because I love him.
2. "My priest would be red for this" - to beat and severely punish
Although any mom in a fit of anger can spank her baby herself, when she hears advice on how to flog her baby, she is gripped from within by a feeling of resistance mixed with fear. Therefore, it is perceived as a threat of violence against her child, which she should, in fact, prevent.
All reasonable advice from a psychologist to parents of children of any age is to exclude any violence, not only physical, but also moral. Needless to say, the belt and harsh reproaches are relics of the past. Now young parents are categorically against creating psychological trauma for their own children.
What to answer
There is no need to stand on ceremony here, since the question is serious - violence can really ruin the future of your child. Therefore, you need to answer clearly and specifically: "I will not allow violence against my child, never from anyone."
3. "Correctly dress / feed / walk like this ..."
Any mother has at least once heard (most likely from the older generation) reproaches that she is doing something wrong with regard to her children. This is always frustrating because it puts our parenting skills into question. And how can you develop them without learning and without making mistakes? You must give yourself the right to be imperfect parents (but always attentive and loving) and to resist any attacks from "more experienced" people.
How to defend yourself
All sorts of instructions about clothes, walking, toys and food can be parried with the following phrases. “I am sure that you are doing everything right for your children; and I will deal with mine myself. I will act as I see fit, because I am responsible, not you. "
4. "Deprive entertainment for poor grades"
Do not let him go outside, deprive the computer and in every possible way bully the child for failures in school. Yes, yes, and thus raise a neurotic who is loved only by the good, but those who make mistakes are not. Deprive the kid of any childhood joys, just so that he tries for the sake of good grades - and make him be an excellent student, shaking with fear of getting a deuce.
This is, in fact, advice to parents of first graders and all schoolchildren, if they are aimed at controlling their studies by depriving them of any daily joys. In order not to succumb to this advice, parents need to remember their own studies and admit to themselves whether the marks greatly influenced their happiness in their personal lives, their ability to work in a team and get along with relatives. But this is the main thing in adult life.
How to answer
You can tell such counselors that the main thing for you is that your baby grows up happy, and not the smartest in the world.
5. "Make you obey and respect your elders"
Perhaps the most harmful and annoying advice to parents of teenagers is precisely how to suppress their slightest protests and not allow them to do their own thing. Do not let them go to a party with their peers, deprive them of pocket money for disobedience, shouts and prohibitions to declare their authority in front of a teenager. During this difficult period, the only thing to try to do is to take care of the child's trust in you and help him to move smoothly into a new stage of life.
What to tell counselors
To the slightest attempt to give advice to the parents of high school students, their dads and mothers can respond with the following phrase: "My son (daughter) and I are friends, and we are on an equal footing to solve our problems and sort things out." If something does not work out for you in a relationship, it is better to listen to the real advice of a psychologist to the parents of boys and girls, that is, find a qualified specialist in adolescent problems.
It is high time for all counselors to learn that no matter what advice they give to parents, upbringing will be carried out by their own example and the example of others. This means that any advice can still be answered with a question - do the advisers themselves observe all these rules? This will make them shyly shut up, because such people, as a rule, simply assert themselves at the expense of others, doing everything far from ideal in their lives.
If you want to receive soft and unobtrusive advice on how to develop and grow your blood, read articles with answers to popular questions on the site http://bezsoski.ru/. And here we will figure out how to respond when parents are given unsolicited and completely inappropriate advice.
