Recommendations for parents on how to react if their children are too pampered by their grandmother. Why is grandmother's guardianship useful and how to understand that she is overstepping the boundaries of what is permissible.
Not every family is lucky with grandmothers. Some of them are loving and caring, but more often they become a headache for parents of babies. Sometimes grandmothers prefer to ignore their new role and do not even remember the birthdays of their grandchildren. However, they also do not cause problems. It is much more difficult for moms and dads who have to deal with overly caring grandmothers who pamper their grandchildren very much and allow them absolutely everything. What should parents do with such overprotection? Is it worth reacting to this at all? You will find the answers in this article.
Why is grandmother's guardianship useful for children and the benefits of a grandmother spoiling her grandchildren?
Many children envy their peers surrounded by the love of grandparents. They are not fed delicious homemade cakes, and they are not allowed to do whatever their heart desires. It happens that grandmothers live very far away. Perhaps they are gone. Still, most children have grandmothers. This is great, because only they:
- They will sit with the baby when needed.
- At any time, they will come to the aid of a young mother and give practical advice.
- Make sure that the grandson is well-fed and dressed for the weather.
- They will walk with the baby for a long time, but the modern mother does not have time for this.
- They will patiently answer all children's "why".
- They will read a lot of books and play educational games.
- Shelter the baby when his parents start repairs or leave somewhere.
- They will do good deeds from great love, without demanding anything in return.
A caring and loving grandmother is a real treasure. Having matured, the child will remember with great warmth and nostalgia about the time spent with her, about delicious food, a soft feather bed, about how candy was put into his pockets when his mother does not see, patiently endured all the whims, pampered and never scolded ...
Cons of overprotective grandmothers and spoiled grandchildren
Unfortunately, not all families have ideal grandmothers who understand everything, forgive any insults, treat their grandchildren with kindness and are ready to give them the last. Among them there are those who become a disaster for new parents. Their overprotection in relation to grandchildren opposes the love of mom and dad, and still does not reckon with their opinion. As a result, nothing good comes out either for the children or for the relationship between parents and grandmothers.
Most often, only the boundless love of a grandmother for her grandchildren causes overprotection. The problem is that this feeling (in this particular case) knows no measure. It is not possible to give love in adequate portions, so the children simply drown in it.
Perhaps the grandmother is a domineering woman with whom no one dares to argue, or she "plays out" on her grandchildren, because at one time she could not give enough love and attention to her own children. The reasons for overprotection are not so much important as its negative aspects:
- Moms and dads cease to be authorities for the child: after talking with the grandmother, he simply ignores their requests and methods of upbringing.
- Parents are nervous, and this inflames family relations.
- The child becomes spoiled, he is overfed with sweets - the daily routine gets confused, the diet is disturbed.
- Grandma's apartment becomes a baby-land where everything is allowed. Here you can eat sweets before lunchtime and throw candy wrappers on the floor, return from a walk later than adults allow, snap at your elders, throw toys. Unsurprisingly, teenagers often move in with their grandmothers to get rid of parental control.
- The child is lazy and refuses to do on his own what his parents have already taught him, because the grandmother will tie the laces, and put on a hat, and feed from a spoon, and stir the sugar in the cup of her beloved grandson. Parents are trying to instill in the child the skills of independence, but their efforts go down the drain.
- The grandmother imposes her views on clothing, education, training, nutrition. What is the only right thing for her is unacceptable for her parents. On this basis, serious disagreements arise, which often lead to tragic consequences. It happens that the grandmother tries to treat her grandson with herbs, although he urgently needs to see a doctor, or she smears the burns with oil, which is absolutely impossible to do. Folk remedies have been used for a long time, but they can be very bad for all family members.
Such love, manifested by overprotection, harms children, so the problem needs to be addressed urgently.
Tips for Parents Whose Children Are Pampered by Grandmothers
Spending time with loving grandparents is an important part of raising a child. Only their influence on the younger members of the family should be limited. Otherwise, problems will appear in the future, primarily in children.
If the grandmother does not take into account the parental methods of upbringing at all and oversteps all the boundaries of what is permissible, it is worth listening to the following recommendations.
Naturally, each specific situation requires special consideration and analysis, but there are recommendations that are suitable for most cases.
- Analyze the current situation. Are you sure that grandmother is really spoiling her grandson too much, harming him with this? Maybe you are just jealous of the child for the grandmother, because he is more drawn to her? In the second case, do not commit rash acts. After all, you want the baby to be happy. It is better to thank the elderly person who gives all his love to your child, spends money on him. If your parental authority is really weakening rapidly, then take action;
- Assess the consequences of grandmother's overprotection for the child and try to understand what caused it. This will help you outline your next course of action;
- Try to gently explain to your child's grandmother that she is wrong., give the opinions of reputable teachers, child psychologists. Do not swear, do not make claims, just voice the fact and back up your position with arguments;
- Leave the last word for yourself. Let the grandmother understand that your parenting methods need to be supported in your absence;
- If you live with your grandmother and the situation has become critical, consider moving away;
- Do not leave the child alone with the grandmother for a long time. Let the baby stay with her for a couple of hours. She will not be able to badly influence her grandson during this time, but everyone will be satisfied.
You can't change your grandmother and you no longer have the strength to fight her, but because of visits to her, problems appear in your family? Hence, it is time to introduce extreme measures. If communication with the grandmother has a bad effect on the child, perhaps it is worth refusing her help.
Have you had similar situations in your family? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!
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