Negative consequences of coercion of the child: what should not be required from the child.
Japanese wisdom says: "Up to five years a child is a god, from five to fifteen - a slave, after fifteen - a friend." And although the European education system differs significantly from the Asian one, there is some truth in this wisdom. Leaving aside adolescence, let's dwell on the education of those who are under five. The complete freedom of the child seems to us to be something primitive. But it is quite natural that the kid understands himself better than adults can understand him.
You cannot force a child to eat: "until you eat, you will not leave the table"
Many children eat very poorly, or rather, they eat selectively. Parents want to feed their child the way they eat themselves. But it is impossible to force him to eat soup, fried meat, stewed cabbage with onions and other adult dishes. Children do not give in to any persuasion, threats and promises. They only eat what suits them.
Mom should go to meet the child, preparing what will be to his taste. The kid will never eat spinach rich in vitamins, but he simply will not notice it in the smoothie, as well as healthy flax seeds and other ingredients. Useful chickpeas and lentils can be added to pancakes, and the meat can be disguised in mashed potatoes.
It has long been known that food coercion and punishment associated with eating leads to eating disorders at an older age.
Do not force the child to do what he does not want: "and now we are going to read"
Parents often think that their child is lagging behind their peers in some way: he doesn’t pronounce certain sounds, doesn’t know how to ride a bicycle and skates, he cannot put letters into syllables and words, and the count is given only on the fingers. Every self-respecting parent perceives this as a personal challenge and delves into the “depths of pedagogy”. The result is deplorable: the child wants to draw, and dad makes him pull up; the girl likes to sew outfits for the doll, and her mother puts her in a foreign language. Or it’s completely dramatic: the whole family teaches the child to read, and he cries and cannot understand what they want from him.
Some parents mistake the kid's unwillingness to do "serious business" for stubbornness or whim. But this is not the case. Everyone finds a place in this world in their own way. Moms and dads should take a closer look at their child, understand his hobbies. The negative experience gained from this kind of developmental concern then affects school performance. Any training will cause unpleasant emotions in the child, which he will try with all his might to avoid.
Do not forget that a child is a person, he can choose an activity to his liking. Many children are addicted to gadgets. We must try to turn them into help. Now there are many computer methods for teaching reading and counting through the game, it may be worth resorting to them.
Pressure training will never be beneficial. This also applies to sports sections, and studies, and any events. Without desire, all down the drain.
There is no need to demand from the child all the details of his life: “give me a full account of the day spent”
Many parents of young children are forced to work hard, because they have a mortgage, a debt for a car, and they want to go on vacation. They don't see their children for days. But feelings cannot be drowned out by any fatigue: we are all worried about each other and want to know everything about our loved ones. This gives us the illusion of being present in their lives.
No matter how bored we may be, we must not pressure the child, demanding from him a full account of the day he lived. Each of us has our own secrets, and we do not always share them with our family. And if a son or daughter wants to share something with mom or dad, they will do it themselves, without coercion. It is important at this moment to listen to them, otherwise next time they will share with someone else. But there are also such events about which the baby prefers to remain silent. No need to arrange interrogation. Everything has its time.
A lot can and should be allowed in childhood. The Japanese are right in their own way: a child under 5 is like a deity. He cannot be forced to do what he does not want, one cannot shout at him, punish him, break his will. The time will come when the child will have to integrate into society. And then it will be important to be able to make an independent choice, understand their own needs and abilities, and respect social boundaries.
