There is no such child who would always obey his parents. Even very docile and calm kids from time to time "rebel" and show character. And some children behave this way very often, which causes chagrin and anxiety among mothers and fathers. The famous doctor Evgeny Komarovsky tells why the child does not obey his parents and what needs to be done in this situation.
Pedagogical problems through the eyes of a physician
They turn to Evgeny Komarovsky not only for a cold, flat feet and other ailments. Quite often, parents bring their children to the pediatrician and complain that the little one has become naughty. Usually this problem occurs in families where the children are already 4 years old. This is too late, Komarovsky argues, it is advisable to deal with issues of education and obedience when the child is 1.5-2 years old, and ideally from birth.
The child begins to behave in opposition to the parental opinion in two cases: if he was given too much freedom from birth and if he was too often told the word "no". The task of parents is to find the very "golden" balance between these extremes.
Democracy in the family, which gives a child equal rights with adults, leads to the upbringing of a naughty and capricious child who will be hysterical and scandalous to get his way if something is forbidden to him.
Tantrums
If a child once tried the hysterics method and it was crowned with success (he got what he wanted), then, no doubt, the baby will use this method of manipulating parents and grandmothers often. Therefore, if a naughty child suddenly began to arrange "concerts", with banging his head on the floor and walls, screaming, in the literal sense of the word, until he turns blue, the best way is not to pay attention, says Yevgeny Komarovsky.
If there is no spectator in the person of mom or dad, then the baby simply has no motivation for hysterics. If he shouts, you need to leave the room where the "drama" unfolds; if he beats, put a pillow to make it softer and leave the room. For parents, this stage is the most difficult.
Komarovsky advises to be patient, valerian and optimistic - everything will definitely work out if mom and dad are consistent in their actions.
You should not be afraid that the child will suffocate during a tantrum, even if he shows with all his appearance that this is about to happen. Children, according to Komarovsky, often exhale from their lungs the entire supply of air, including the reserve air, when crying, this causes a long pause before inhaling. If there are serious concerns, you just need to blow in the baby's face - he will reflexively take a breath.
Physical punishment
Dr. Komarovsky opposes physical punishment, because a child who from a very early age realized that the one who is stronger wins, will use this knowledge all his life. From such people who are used to solving problems with others with the help of force, nothing good will grow.
If mom or dad cannot solve problems with their child without the use of physical force, this is a reason to contact a specialist - parents need advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist. And this is reasonable and correct, says Komarovsky.
There are enough punishment options without a belt: explanations of why something cannot be done, temporary deprivation of certain goods (sweets, new toys). The main thing is that the punishment is adequate and timely: if a child behaved badly in the morning, and he was deprived of the evening watching cartoons, he no longer remembers what exactly he was punished for.
Putting your baby in a corner is a reasonable enough punishment.
A child in a conflict situation needs to be alone with himself, without toys, without cartoons and other entertainment. Komarovsky advises putting the baby in a corner for exactly as many minutes as the child is (3 years - 3 minutes, 5 years - 5 minutes).
In the process of punishment, parents should not deprive the toddler of what he needs for life - walking in the fresh air, drinking and food.
Doctor Komarovsky's advice
The categorical “no” should be said only when the situation poses a potential danger to the health and life of the child and his family. Wire to the socket is not allowed, but booty on cold tiles is not allowed.
If the child is just throwing toys, then this prohibition is inappropriate here. It is better to explain why this is ugly, inconvenient, and why it is preferable to remove the toys after all. Then the prohibition will be perceived by the baby as something really important. The more often he hears "no", the less he attaches importance to it.
When demanding something and arguing for their demand, parents must stand their ground to the end.
What was impossible yesterday should be impossible today. All family members should support the demand and not change their decisions. This is an excellent prophylaxis for children and children.
If the mother teaches the child to "pronounce" his emotions, to call feelings in words (which is very difficult for all children!), Then this will help the baby to more easily go through all the "age crises" that happen at 2-3 years old, 6-7 years old and even at the age of 14-16, when the crises will be teenage and serious.
The ability to express their emotions frees the child from the need to scream. If he does not know how to do this, then screaming and crying on his part is the only way to show parents that something incomprehensible, bad is happening to him, which he cannot explain.
Dr. Komarovsky will tell you more about the rules for raising a naughty child in his program.
