“I don’t want”, “I will not” - these are frequent words in the lexicon of young stubborn people. In the life of almost every parent, there is a similar period of universal denial, when the child says "No" all the time. At the same time, denial applies to meals, and walks, and sleep. Should I be worried? In many cases, "No" - the stage is just a natural stage of growing up children. Thus, they defend the right to independence. That is why it is necessary to understand how to neutralize all negative manifestations and survive children's whims.
Reasons for child rejection
Most often, the word "no" in response to numerous parental requests sounds from a child's mouth in the period from 2 to 4 years. This stage is called in psychology the three-year crisis and is considered an extremely important milestone in child development and self-identification.
In this crisis stage, the child is aware of himself and longs for independence. He begins to understand that he is as much a separate person as mom or dad. This is manifested by the use of the word "I" in speech, and before the baby spoke of himself in third parties or by name.
In addition, the child develops volitional qualities that turn into independence. He is categorically against unnecessary control from the parental side and wants to independently make a choice in any, even the most frivolous, situations.
It is at this moment that new words and phrases appear in the child's vocabulary: "No", "I myself", "I will not." You can also notice that he seems to be acting in spite of his parents: he refuses to eat after being invited to have breakfast, runs away when his name is called, etc.
Moms and dads are horrified: a monster is growing in the family! The older generation, who is convinced that the parents have spoiled the baby, is also echoed. However, psychologists advise not to exaggerate, since a three-year crisis is natural for children, as it marks a new period in preschool development.
For adults, a well-grounded question may arise: does every child say "No" all the time during a crisis of 3 years? In fact, this stage can be quite painless if warm relations reign in the family. Sometimes mothers do not even understand what kind of crises the specialists are talking about, because their children behave quite "decently".
However, if adults have not come to the understanding that the previous ways of interacting with the child have lost their relevance at this age stage, then the word "No" and other symptoms of the crisis period will begin to poison the life of the entire family.
Ways to solve the problem
First of all, one should understand that such a stage is just a temporary phenomenon. Simply today, the adored child says “No” all the time, and tomorrow he will be able to make the necessary compromise. However, you just don't need to wait, you should arm yourself with useful recommendations and knowledge.
Change tactics
First of all, you should change the educational tactics and strategy of interaction with the child. It is necessary to understand that he has matured, therefore, now you need to respect the children's opinion and the desire to independently perform certain actions.
In practice, this means that there is no need to do for the baby what he is able to do on his own. For example, he is now able to dress himself, set the table, wash the floor, wash. Of course, at first you will find dirt, broken dishes, but the result is more important - acquiring new skills and increasing children's self-esteem.
Be resourceful
Do not act bluntly in response to child rejection. For example, if a child does not want to eat, although he has been hungry for a long time, there is no need to beg him, let alone force him. Experienced mothers are advised to use certain tricks.
So, you can set the table and sit a doll nearby. Act out the situation as if she wants to have lunch and wants to know how hot the soup or the second is. Usually the kids start to get carried away, after which they eat all the contents of the cups.
There are situations when a child categorically does not want to put on mittens, get up, wash hands with soap, etc. Instead of persuading the baby, you can calmly play along with him: “Of course, I do not allow you to take mittens outside (get out of bed, arrange hygiene procedures). "
As a result, in the vast majority of cases, children instantly put on mittens and perform other actions that previously seemed completely unacceptable to them. These little tricks and tricks will help you not to bring the communication to a conflict situation.
Instead of demanding, voice requests for help. For example: "Dima, please take me by the handle and lead me across the road, because I am very scared." After that, the proud boy grabs his mother and calmly walks by the arm. No pressure, no quarrel.
Give your baby more time
Many problems during this period arise due to the fact that thanks to stubbornness and the word "No", parents with their child are always late: to kindergarten and to work. Simple actions are also delayed, including dressing, waking up, eating.
What to do in this case? Experts give several recommendations:
- Try not to rush your baby or perform actions for him. Of course, it's easier for us to put on a jacket and boots on the baby, feed him, collect toys, but by doing this we are doing the kid a disservice. He must learn to solve problems on his own; one should not deny him this skill.
- Wake up your child well in advance to start a process 30 minutes early. This will allow you to perform the action at a sufficient pace, that is, the baby will dress himself, eat himself, wash himself. As a result, the mother will not need to urge the little man, and the scandal will be avoided.
Thus, accurate timing will avoid some problems, or at least reduce the intensity of passions. And the child will have less reason to say “no” in response to parental requests and suggestions.
Offer an alternative
Another good way to interact with children is by choosing activities or objects. This is due to the fact that kids have objective thinking, that is, they are not yet able to understand the abstractness of the situation, but can only interact with objects.
If the mother asks the child whether he will eat, he has two options for the answer: "no" or "yes". More likely, the obstinate will refuse. Therefore, it is better to offer the baby a choice (or the illusion of choice): he will be porridge or soup.
As a result, the child will begin to choose something, and there will be no reason for refusal and conflict. This way of solving the problem can be implemented in other situations. For example, you can offer a choice of a blue or green jacket, rubber or warm boots.
Of course, some children quickly realize what the trick of their parents is. However, most often this method works long enough, and then the children grow up, become less obstinate, and you can no longer be cunning, but negotiate with them.
Set boundaries
Along with providing more space for autonomy and initiative, strict boundaries need to be set. That is, a child can be independent, active, but within strictly defined limits.
Under the framework, psychologists mean those restrictions that relate to the health and life of the baby. For example, it is strictly forbidden to run out onto the road, take sharp objects, hit animals, etc. A small number of strict prohibitions will reduce the risk of hysteria.
In doing so, you should enlist the support of other family members. It is possible to reduce the obstinacy of the child if all controversial issues are discussed with adult household members in advance. That is, both mom, grandmother and dad should prohibit and allow the same thing.
You also need to be consistent in your decisions. If something is impossible today, then such a restriction should be in effect tomorrow and in the future. If today something is permitted, then this action should be approved (possibly with certain reservations) in the future.
As a conclusion
This age stage, when the child says “No” all the time, usually does not last long enough and ends by about 3.5 - 4 years. However, such a favorable outcome is possible only if the parents interact correctly with the baby.
First of all, experts are convinced that it is necessary to change the ways of communicating with maturing children. In addition, it is necessary to avoid situations in which children may answer “no” by resorting to a choice (or the illusion of choice).
Well, one more important point - the word "no" is easily interrupted by parental resourcefulness and humor. If adults begin to approach the upbringing of a little stubborn person with imagination and cunning, then you can quickly forget about children's categorical refusals and obstinacy.
And now about the main thing. Remember, you are not a gendarme, but a loving parent. Look for your own options for resolving problem situations. Try to be closer to the child, spend more time together - and, perhaps, very few prohibitions and rules will be needed, and it will be possible to agree on all controversial issues.
