10 tips to stop yelling at your kids

Raising a voice to a child is often taken for granted: is there any other way to make him obey and recognize parental authority? In general, everyone admits that yelling at a child is not very good, but it is so familiar that it is not so easy to give up this method of education. Breaking into a cry, parents, in order to drown out their feelings of guilt, find many excuses for such behavior: "he himself is to blame - he brought it", or "he still knows that I love him."

What is the danger of screaming

In fact, screaming rather interferes with education than helps. With every shout and harsh word, thin threads of affection break between parent and child. For a child, angry screams of mom or dad are a very traumatic situation, because at this moment the closest and beloved people become cold, angry, alienated.

Until a certain moment, the child is helpless in front of the cries of an adult, but closer to adolescence, a conversation in a raised voice will no longer have such power over the child. It is possible that the child will begin to respond to parents in the same way or simply actively resist such treatment. The most serious consequence of crying education is that the child's weakened attachment to his parents cannot be a strong support for him in life. Such children are more susceptible to the influence of other people, the family is not perceived by them as a reliable rear. Often, friends and company for the child become more important than the parents, which means that parents can simply "miss" their children.

Another serious consequence of yelling is that such a model of behavior is fixed in the mind of the child, and, as an adult, he "on autopilot" will apply it to his children. This means that the "baton" of spoiled parent-child relationships will continue.

How not to yell at a child

Meanwhile, there are families in which children are not yelled at. In these families - the most ordinary, not ideal, both children and parents. They managed to eradicate screaming and find a different approach to their children. If you are also wondering "how to stop yelling at a child" - these tips will be useful.

Give yourself the right to make mistakes. Sometimes parents are afraid to admit that they are in something wrong, believing that this will undermine their authority in the eyes of the child. In fact, it is more important for a child to have an “earthly” parent near him, with blunders and mistakes, than an “infallible deity”. It is also very important to admit to the child himself that you are just learning to be a parent, and sometimes you make mistakes and do the wrong thing.
The child is the mirror of the parents. If we want a child to be able to control his emotions, we must first learn to control ours in order to become an example for him. The key word here is "manage": emotions cannot be repressed, "squeezed", they must be given a way out, but in an acceptable form.
Remember that the child does not do anything "evil". He still does not know how much, his movements are not dexterous, he is interested in everything, which is why he can throw toys, spill milk, stain clothes, etc. Treat the child like a child and constantly keep in mind the thought "what to take from him, he is still small."
Do not bring yourself to a breakdown and nervous exhaustion. If you feel that you are very tired and already "on the verge" - take a time out. In such situations, you need to act as in a plane crash: first of all, we put on an oxygen mask, only then we take care of the child. This "oxygen mask" can be a good rest - a warm bath, your favorite book or TV series, a shopping trip or a manicure. Everyone has their own way to please themselves.
Learn to stop when you feel intense irritation and anger. At this moment, it is best to switch the focus of attention from the child to yourself. As the wonderful psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya says, you need to learn to take yourself not in hand, but "on the hands", that is, just sympathize with yourself, regret: already tired, and then the child spilled something, now you have to wipe it off. And with a child what demand - he is still small. This technique helps to stop in time and understand that the cause of the cry is not the child's actions, but your own fatigue.
Try to understand how the child feels when yelling at him. In training for parents, there is such an exercise: one participant sits down on his haunches, and the other stands beside him and scolds. A few minutes are enough for the seated person to burst into tears and feel intense fear. Usually, after such an exercise, parents are much less likely to raise their voice to the child. However, even without exercise, one can try to understand the feelings of the child. In general, understanding the feelings and emotions of the child helps him to understand his own feelings and teach the child to regulate his behavior.
In any situation, maintain contact with the child, show respect for him. The child should feel that even if the mother is angry, they are still “on the same side of the barricade”.
Don't ignore your own feelings. “Hygiene” of one's own feelings is a very rewarding activity, because when a mother can sort out on the shelves what, why and how she reacted by screaming, she learns to manage these feelings. It is imperative to give vent to these feelings through tears, words, creativity or in another way.
Come up with an image or phrase that will help keep you from screaming. You can associate yourself with the "big elephant mother" who cannot be pissed off by childish pranks, or you can repeat some mantra.
Prioritize correctly. Do not forget that upbringing is, first of all, a relationship with a child. Children grow up, and, after a while, educational functions will disappear from the life of their parents, and only relationships that have developed over the years will remain. What it will be - warmth and closeness or resentment and alienation - depends on the parents.

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Parents who are ready to make an effort to work on themselves and refuse to scream in raising a child deserve great respect. They are doing a tremendous job, the echoes of which will reach their grandchildren and the next generations, because a child who grew up without screaming, becoming a parent, is unlikely to scream himself. Moreover, a quiet upbringing, paradoxically, makes children more obedient. It is vitally important for a child to be close to “his” adult, and obedience is a thing provided by nature. Looking at calm parents, the child himself learns to cope with his emotions and regulate his behavior.

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