“I will raise a real man from my boy. Let everyone be jealous! " - thinks a loving mother. However, most often such women grow up insecure, lack of initiative, not striving for a serious relationship and a career mama's sons. How to avoid the transformation of an active butuza into a dependent "undergrowth" who has not come off mother's skirt?
At-risk groups
The word "mama" clearly hints to us who is to blame for this type of behavior in a child. It depends only on the mother how quickly her boy will grow up. It is her actions, sometimes subconscious attitudes that form character traits in children, which become the basis for a youthful personality.
Mom and son are one person
Experts are sure that a mama's son can grow up with the same success both in a single mother and in a complete family. The main factor here is the so-called “uncircumcised psychological umbilical cord”.
After giving birth, obstetricians immediately cut the thread that physically tied the mother and baby throughout the pregnancy. Now they are two different people, albeit the closest, but still separate. But for the mother of the future ignoramus, this event did not seem to have happened: the umbilical cord is intact.
The word "we", which is constantly pronounced by a young mother for the first two years, haunts the child further. The indomitable parent continues to protect her child from any difficulties: she removes cars, puts on pants, wipes snot and brushes his teeth. With the same generals scale, she decides where he will walk, chooses friends on the playground, in the kindergarten and school. Where is the father in this situation, you ask? And he is pushed aside by irrepressible motherly love!
Excessive custody
Excessive care is often attributed to an ingrained fear of losing a loved one. This is possible if the pregnancy occurred after prolonged treatment for infertility, the gestation itself was difficult. Also, difficult childbirth or serious health problems in a child immediately after birth or in the first months of life can become a trigger. The woman is used to being afraid for her boy, so the main goal in her life is to protect the offspring with such difficulty. Including from potential brides.
What does the upbringing of a mama's son lead to?
- If the mother does everything for him, then the child does not strive for independence. He can learn carelessly, does not make friends and even acquaintances, does not achieve significant results in any kind of activity, because he often gives up the business he has begun halfway through. And when choosing a university or college, he completely relies on his mother's instinct.
- Such men often experience serious problems with the opposite sex. They can't find a soul mate for a very long time, and if they do get married, then such a marriage can hardly be called happy. After all, there are not two of them in the family, but three. The daughter-in-law constantly competes with the mother-in-law, and usually loses in this competition. Of course, mamma's soup was richer, too, and trousers were always ironed, and things were in place. And she can also predict the desires of her boy - remember the notorious psychological umbilical cord.
How can you avoid this scenario?
Unfortunately, if a woman does not understand that she has completely dissolved in her own child, then neither the best psychologist nor, moreover, an article on the site will help her. Even after reading these lines and recognizing herself in them, she does not admit it: "Fi, what do they understand in raising children!" And he will continue to bring goodness to his son, creating in reality only complexes, phobias and dissatisfaction. If mom is ready to change, we offer several recommendations.
- Let the boy be wrong
Experience cannot be replaced with parental notation. Own mistakes will serve as a wonderful and effective lesson for the little one. Undoubtedly, you need to protect him from danger if he reaches out with his hand to a red-hot coal. However, when he made the bed crookedly, ineptly washed the plate, praise the little helper. And show you how to do it right. So you not only increase his confidence, but also allow you to work on yourself.
- Take time for yourself
Such parents have no alternative interests - their whole life is devoted to their son. Yes, the baby requires a lot of attention, but you need to find a free minute for yourself. Read books (not only on child development), start cross-stitching (for beauty), chat with friends. And never forget about your husband, as he may leave because of your alienation.
- Involve the child's father in raising
No woman will be able to convey to a boy male patterns of behavior, habits and principles. No, we do not call to raise a dork or a soldier, everything should be in moderation. Let dad spend more time with him: messing around, fixing the car, going to the rink. If the baby grows up in an incomplete family, other men should take on this role: grandfather, uncles, godfather, or, say, a coach of the sports section.
- Raising a son. Father's allowance
- How to involve your husband in raising a child
- Do not criticize your husband in front of your son
It happens that women drive their husbands under the heel and at the same time try to raise their son "a real man." You can't chew your soulmate in the presence of a child. He should see an idol, a hero in the head of the family. If the "protector and earner" does not quite fit this description, you need to find a way to gently push him towards the ideal.
- Don't blackmail with your love
A grown-up mama's son sometimes starts to fight for freedom, but in response, mom uses a forbidden trick: “Ungrateful! Do you know how many sleepless nights I spent at your bed? " Such phrases cannot be used. Yes, no one disputes that children will always be indebted to their mother. Yes, children should respect, appreciate their mother and help her. But not to the detriment of your own personal life! And such words can destroy any kind feelings.
Of course, every mother wants her son to be with her longer, needs her support and care. But there comes that wonderful moment when the child grows up, fills bruises and bumps, in return for invaluable experience. He will not be able to belong to you forever, so rejoice for him if he "spreads his wings." And you will always have time to realize your unspent love on your grandchildren!
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