In this article, we will touch upon some of the most intimate topics for young mothers - those in which they are sometimes afraid to confess not only to friends and family, but even to themselves. Namely - we will talk about why you sometimes feel anger and irritation towards your child. We will tell you about the main reasons for such negative emotions and how to eliminate them, according to child psychologist Daria Selivanova.
Mommies are reluctant to talk about this topic. This is absolutely not surprising, because such emotions in relation to your child, in theory, cannot be experienced. For instance, anger, anxiety, irritation - all this brings you discomfort, but admitting it can be very difficult even to yourself.
Some life stories
One day a young mother came to the reception. Let's call her Alexandra. Son Alexandra was 2 years old at that time. The woman was faced with the fact that she could not leave her baby with anyone, even with close relatives. Even under the supervision of her father, she left her son reluctantly. The reason lay in her herself - she was just very afraid for her baby, inside there was a feeling of anxiety for him.
Pregnancy and childbirth were difficult. The boy was sick quite often. And at 11 months he was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. After that, Alexandra had a constant feeling of anxiety for her son, from whom she has not been able to get rid of until now. When she goes somewhere, even for a short time, she starts calling home every 15 minutes and asking about the child. The woman is haunted by the constant fear that something could happen to her son in her absence. The child also feels this and does not want to let her go anywhere. He constantly asks for his arms and seeks to spend all the time next to Alexandra. This is very annoying to the woman, she is ashamed of her unfounded fears, but she cannot do anything.
Now imagine that all these disturbing feelings inside you are boiling water in a kettle. In theory, it needs to be turned off or removed from the fire. Instead, you plug his nose. He stops whistling, but the boil continues.
The second mom - let's call her Veronica - turned to a psychologist with a slightly different problem. Her daughter at that time was 3 years old, and with age, her character became more and more unbearable. Veronica had previously felt anger and irritation in response to the girl's disobedience. But before this did not seem to be such a problem, since in general the baby was obedient. But gradually the situation began to spiral out of control. The child began a “3-year-old crisis”, she began to show character, which made Veronica very angry. The woman often screamed, spanked her daughter, but this did not bring tangible results. Veronica was already almost desperate, because adequate thoughts of what to do in such a situation did not appear in her head. At the same time, she shamed herself for these breakdowns, tried to control herself, but it did not always work out.
What to do in this situation?
The above examples are combined in this article for a reason. These are two different people, two different situations, two different families. However, they have something in common - both moms think they are insane... Each of them drives itself into this framework, and a “vicious circle” is obtained.
Each of these two women has an understanding of what it means to be a good mother. This idea is formed by childhood itself and remains with us in the future. And we remake it for ourselves: we take note of some moments, and we change some. Most of these ideas are formed unconsciously. That is, we do not think about whether we really think so, but we take it for granted.
Part of your views on this issue is shaped by public opinion. Sometimes even a remark by a pediatrician or a random person can be deposited in the brain and influence your opinion in the future.
Any mummy, consciously or unconsciously, believes that there are “right” and “wrong” feelings towards her child. The “right” ones include love, care, pride, affection, delight. And the “wrong” ones are anger, irritation, unreasonable anxiety. When there are too many “wrong” feelings, the young mother begins to feel insane, especially if she herself easily succumbs to the emerging feelings of guilt and shame.
By the way, think - to which “piggy bank” do these feelings belong in your opinion? After all, each person counts in his own way. Take shame, for example. On the one hand, it is unpleasant. On the other hand, if mommy is ashamed of her behavior, maybe this is normal?
And now we return to the topic of "deranged mothers", which were mentioned at the beginning of the article. Both women walk in a vicious circle, into which they themselves have driven. The reason - in their own ideas about normal thoughts, opposing emerging negative feelings. Both of them tried to pull themselves together, controlling their emotions, which was fundamentally the wrong position. This way of dealing with oneself not only will not bring results - it is also harmful. Pay attention to this, so as not to step on the same rake.
Any "wrong" emotions arise in response to the fact that something does not suit you in your life. And when you try to hide this emotion deeper, you are only trying to run away from the problem. But she is, so attempts to “not notice” her do not mean that she has ceased to bother you. Because of this, your breakdowns occur. Ignore the problem does not solve it, but simply postpones it for a while.
Consider the boiling kettle example. Your “wrong” emotions are boiling inside him. Instead of removing the kettle from the stove, for some reason you plug its spout with a cork. The cork is unlikely to withstand for a long time - if you do not remove the kettle from the heat for a long time, the cork will simply knock out, and the water will pour out onto the stove.
If you think you are becoming “insane,” do not try to escape your emotions, much less suppress them. Better analyze the situation - why is this happening, what is the problem? If you cannot find the answer on your own, consult a psychologist. Don't be afraid to admit your feelings openly. It can be scary at first, but then you will feel relieved. The two mothers we talked about are quite normal people. They just needed to slightly change their attitude to their own feelings.
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