Divorce can affect even the strongest and most successful family. The mother's task is to survive the divorce and emerge victorious from it.
Children suffer the most from divorce. They lose not only their father, but also receive a mother in a serious psychological state, who has lost her support in life. You must be strong.
Children will love their father for the rest of their lives, just as a father will love his children. Just take it. After the litigation, the children will stay with you and you will have to raise them. Sunday dad will not replace children with full-fledged male upbringing, which is so necessary for the development of the child and the formation of his personality. But it can only cause unnecessary frustration and prevent you from moving on.
Divorce is a very difficult step. It is only more difficult than his struggle with thoughts, with which you will remain after the divorce. They will live in your head for a very long time, fettering your mind and paralyzing your will. No need for unnecessary self-examination, just don't let them win. How to do it? 7 simple tips.
Don't feel guilty even if you filed for divorce
Divorce is the end of the family. But who is the real culprit behind the breakup of the family? If you file for divorce, this does not mean that you are the culprit of the breakup. Behind the facade of fake well-being, a terrible fact can be hidden - the family is on its way. Maybe you just need to follow the "nudge falling" formula? Families don't break up overnight. Someone works a lot, and someone is constantly lying on the couch. Someone remains faithful, and someone goes to the left. Someone is raising children, and someone is moving away from their responsibilities. Who needs such a marriage? Even if everything was fine, but you fell in love with someone and file for divorce - what now, until the end of your life, to repent of your sin?
File for divorce - be patient. Better yet, just put the self-deprecating thoughts out of your head and take care of yourself.
Will we remain friends? Thank you but no
Many couples after divorce try to maintain good relations. They try to get into each other's position, thinking that it will be better for everyone. But you know what? Fuck it all. If you didn’t have common children - okay, you can be friends, walk, go to the movies.
But you are first a mother, and only then a friend, comrade and brother... Remember this. Today he plays with the children, asks you about their success in school and jokes. And tomorrow you will get divorced, for the first month or two he will be all the same kind to children, and then there will come a period of “oh, I can't do it today, come on in a week”, “oh, but let’s bring them to me yourself” and so Further. You can go to court. You can score. Each method has its own pros and cons.
By the way, your ex-husband will sooner or will have a new passion. And he will start spending his money and time on it. Although one day he will still introduce the children to her. How do you react to this? Do not think about it. Will call you - answer, be friendly, do not be rude. But you don't need to try to find contacts with her yourself, dubious acquaintances are useless.
That is none of your business
You are not one now. Before, you listened to all of his long stories about his plans, worries and hobbies. But now everything has changed. You don't need it anymore. No, of course, you can call a couple of times a month and have a little chat. If you still have some common hobbies, you can also maintain communication. But everyone will write messages on social networks about all sorts of nonsense - feel free to blacklist. Asks why? And not why, just like that. It's none of his business. You are now out of the way, your paths diverged. He now has his own way, and you have yours. Remind him of this more often.
Children do not need to know about the reasons for divorce
Believe me, your kids don't need to know this. Of course, the children will sooner or later ask - where is dad? You must answer that dad will no longer live with you. In your response, emphasize the consequences of your father's absence. “From school I will now meet you”, “Ask me for ice cream”, “We will go for a bike next weekend”. And so on.
If the father said that he will come to visit today at 8, tell the children - DAD SAIDthat today at 8 will come to us. Do you understand, yes? Never say “he will come”, “he will do”, “he will buy”. Say “HE SAIDwhat will come ”,“HE SAIDwhat will do ","HE SAIDwhat will buy ”. Why is it important? Fathers often make promises, but they don't always keep them. And who should take the rap then? To you, my dear, only to you. If he promised something to the child and did not fulfill it, dial his number and give it to the child. Let him explain to him why he could not. The main thing here is not to go too far. Do not play children against your father, it will only make you worse.
Do you need help
After a divorce, depression always comes. This is understandable. He used to bring money home, and you spent it on the needs of the family. Now this will not happen. If your ex is a decent person, you will receive alimony. But money can ruin even the nicest person. You used to have support and support. Now she's gone. You don't need extra tantrums, but calling and whining your friends is not a weakness.
Better not even call and cry on the phone. Better to invite old friends to your place or go somewhere. Why do you need friends at all? And don't forget - difficult only for the first few months, then life either gets better or goes completely down the drain. If you switch to new acquaintances, the likelihood of going along the first path increases significantly.
If you turned onto the second path, run to a psychologist. They do not need to be afraid. It would even be better to find yourself a more terrible shrink. Let it rummage in your head, find the source of the problem and uproot it. Don't save money. No need to go to fortune-tellers, psychics and other charlatans. Your way out is a psychologist with good practice.
Children need you. Give them a good example
Spend your free time with children. Children look cheerful and don't complain? Heh, you just think so. Even if they are no longer children, it is still difficult for them. Yesterday they had Dad and Mom - and now Mom and Somewhere-There-Dad. So change your life prove to your children that you are still hoo, you can delight and surprise.
- prepare some new dish or cocktails;
- clean the house, open the curtains, don't turn your house into a vampire's abode;
- go with them to the theater for a light, fun performance;
- parks, museums, exhibitions are the best friends of you and your children;
- play fun driving music often;
- on weekends, stay awake until lunchtime, get up early and do something;
- a few extra thousand lying around? make home repairs!
Don't wait for someone to come and change the lives of you and your children. Do it yourself!
Children are your best friends
Everyone can be strict and fair to their children, decide their fate, teach them life. And you play the fool with them, walk, give them gifts. Your children are your best friends. They are not things, not objects, they also want something, think about something, dream about something. Maybe it's time to find out what's in their head?
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