When a toddler refuses to share his toys, it annoys most parents. Adults become ashamed of their child's behavior, they begin to reproach him, call him “greedy beef” and even punish him. Is it really bad not to share toys? How to cultivate generosity and respect for others in a small person?
Why are kids greedy?
Oddly enough, but greed is a normal quality of toddlers. At 2-3 years old, the baby often begins to say "this is mine", "give me". This saddens the parents. In the park, you can often see how the mother scolds the child for not sharing the typewriter with his peer.
Reproaches, phrases like “you act badly, they won't share with you either” cause only tears of the baby. As a result, his toy is forcibly taken away and given to another. In such a situation, it is strange that a mother stands up to protect someone else's child and does not herself realize how much she offends her own.
Psychologists explain that a two-year-old toddler wakes up a sense of his own "I". He slowly begins to realize that he is and there is a big world around. Everything that belongs to him, the baby perceives as a part of himself. Therefore, in a situation where someone encroaches on his toy, the child simply protects the boundaries of his personal space.
If they ask you for a thing that you cherish, will you give it to another person? Will accusations of greed affect your decision? Of course not. Imagine how your child feels when they are forced to share something. It is important for parents to understand that toys that are presented to a baby are perceived by them as personal property. He has the right to do with them as he wants. It would be strange if someone told us that we should share with other people our mobile phone, wallet, computer, favorite cup, jewelry, car, or we are greedy! Sounds funny.
For a child, his personal toys are as valuable as for us - our personal belongings. He, like an adult, has the right not to want to share his personal belongings with others, including his family members. This right must and must be respected.
The understanding that there is "someone else's" comes a little later than the realization of one's "I". That is why babies fiercely guard their own toys, but calmly take them away from other children. This behavior is normal and only indicates that the child is developing. He just needs help to quickly learn generosity.
You do your best to teach your child not to be greedy, and he flatly refuses to share toys on the playground, and answers any request to share with tantrums? In the video, together with the psychologist Victoria Lyuborevich-Torkhova, we will define five phrases that will help the child not be greedy:
Common mistakes of parents
If there are several children in the family, parents often insist that the elders share everything with the younger ones. This approach makes babies jealous. Older children begin to think that mom and dad love them more - younger brothers and sisters.
In order not to offend your own child, try to avoid common mistakes that parents make. The following rules will help:
- Do not reproach a child of greed and bad behavior. You bought toys for your baby, let him decide what to do with them.
- Do not take away a toy by force to give to another child. Your little one will regard this as a betrayal.
- Don't ask for forgiveness Mom a child who begs for something from your son or daughter. Your child is not obliged to do something for others.
- Do not allow to tell others that your baby is a greedy person.
- Do not force child feel guilty. Don't make your little one feel guilty about crying another baby. In this situation, the owner of the toy is not to blame for anything. But to another baby, the mother just has to explain that there are toys of her own and there are strangers that belong to other children.
- Do not forbid take his toys away from other children, but explain to him to do this without using force. If it doesn't work, ask the baby's mother to take the toy herself and give it to you.
If you cannot do without lecture, do not judge the child, but his behavior. The words "greedy beef" hurt the kid. Explain to him that hurting other children is bad.
The kid is very attached to his toys. If you select them and defiantly pass them on to other babies, the little person will develop a painful sense of ownership. When he grows up, he will continue to be greedy. Some psychologists argue that refusing to share a toy is a latent childish fear of losing mom. Moreover, she should not scold the child, because this will cause him serious injury.
How to teach a child to share?
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It will not work to quickly bring up qualities such as generosity and respect in a baby. To do this, you should stock up on remarkable patience. Try to explain to the kid that the toy is not taken away from him forever, but only for a while. Try these tricks:
- Exchange. Let the kid give back his typewriter for a while, and in return receive a pistol from the neighbor's boy that he likes for a long time;
- Priority. If two children have their eyes on one toy, set a schedule and control the process of the game from start to finish: one kid plays for half an hour, the second for the next half hour;
- The toy is not taken away forever. Try to convey to the child's consciousness that the toy is not taken away, but taken only for a while, to play;
- The toy won't break. Explain to your child that if a neighbor's boy plays with his favorite machine, it will not deteriorate from this and will return to you safe and sound;
- They may not share with you either. Explain that other children may not share anything interesting. Only about this you need to talk without reproach and in a positive way;
- Sucker Punch. Offer your child something tasty for sharing their toy. It is bribery that devalues friendship. However, in a situation where both babies throw a tantrum, this method may work.
If you want something from your child, talk to him softly, without voicing any claims. It often happens that it is enough just to politely ask the kid to give his toy. Many parents in this situation become angry and force the child to do as they say. This translates into loud crying and resentment.
Tell your child that playing with other children is more fun than playing alone. Invite him to share something for all family members: give each one a cookie, an apple. If the kid succeeds in sharing, be sure to praise him for his generosity, if not, do not scold him. Read tales of greed to him, show him cartoons (below is an example of a cartoon).
Be a worthy example. The child learns from loved ones all the most important things, even if adults do not notice it! If you are generous with your friends and parents, chances are good that your little one will be eager to share things.
Refusing to share toys is not greedy and bad temper. These are simply age features. When the baby grows up and makes friends, he himself will be happy to share and exchange his toys with them.
- Should the child share toys?
- How do you raise a child to be generous?
Once upon a time there was a Princess - the Greedy!
Once upon a time there was one Princess who really did not like to share. This is not a royal affair! And her toys, and gifts, and a slide, and even a swing. Then the friends also stopped sharing with her, and the Princess was left all alone, because no one wanted to play with such a greedy and mischievous girl:
From forums
Girls who will advise how to behave when a 3-year-old child does not want to share toys on the street with other children, as soon as he sees that someone else is going into the sandbox, collects all their tsatski for themselves in a heap, and strangers wants to take to play, they give him he doesn't want to share. Tired of explaining what needs to be shared, that the kids won't be friends with you, and so on - it doesn't help. He shares with me and dad. What to do?
>>> this is such a period, do not worry, just explain that you do not give and you will not be given. This is his personal belongings - he has the right not to give. Mine is the same, I taught him to change, but just doesn't give it, only in exchange that there is already progress)))
>>> Everything needs to be taught, convinced, told, including by example. Do not worry, your persuasion does not go anywhere, all norms of behavior are formed gradually. Try cartoons (eg “We were sharing an orange…”, etc.), games, stories, fairy tales, about good children (for which your imagination is enough). Learn to react correctly (without aggression). It is not always necessary to just “give” you can, because you can “change”. Convince with correct, positive phrases “you give - and they will give you”. Everything will come with time, be patient, persistent, try without ultimatums and punishments.
>> to all mothers: ENOUGH TO BREAK YOUR KIDS !!!! Before you teach or disaccustom something, ask a psychologist about the consequences in the future. You can only suggest: when you play enough or when you want, we will let someone else play. But he should know that it is him and no one will take him away, and his mother, who is everything for him, will support!
>>> I think I need to take with me such toys that are good to play together - a ball, two cars to play catch-up, colored crayons (two sets) ... The kid needs to understand the beauty of a collective game. While he still does not see the advantages of that someone is playing with his toys.
I would also tell a fairy tale about some boy (not your child's name only) who did not want to share with anyone, and then he really needed (well, for example, a phone, to call his mother) But no one gave him, because remembered how greedy he was. And then, for a happy ending, it is necessary that some kind girl rescued him and he understood everything and began to share with all the children.
I re-composed so many fairy tales for my Polinka as I grow up)))) This is a very good method!9 simple rules for parents
- Always be calm.
- Do not take one side of the conflict between children.
- Do not take new toys for a walk: the child will not want to share them, because he has not yet played enough himself.
- When collecting the bag, choose an extra toy with your baby to exchange.
- Have conversations at home: talk about how good it is to play with friends, how fun it is to share with others.
- If you notice that the child does not want to share toys under any circumstances, do not focus on this and do not scold the baby. Read stories about greed, watch cartoons.
- Trust your child at home to share everything between family members: give everyone a berry, a liver. The task will be more difficult if the kid shares something that is very dear to him: “Very tasty? Dad wants to try too. ”
- Praise your child for generosity.
- How to teach a child to share toys? Lead by example. For example, you can exchange books with familiar mothers.
