The child misbehaves: what to do

How to Raise an Obedient Child?

Children are often capricious and throw tantrums, and they do it at the most inopportune moment. Parents first ask their child to calm down, but soon many of them lose patience and go to the head. As a result, children's screams only intensify, and the life of adults turns into a real test. Why does the child become uncontrollable, and how to correct his behavior?

Reasons for childish tantrum

All children periodically test their parents' patience and do things that put them in an awkward position. According to experts, there is a rational justification for this. Screams and tantrums are just natural stages of development.

According to University College London biologist-anthropologist Emily Emmott, the main problem is the time parents spend with their own children. It may seem to an adult that the child is getting enough attention. The kid needs his mom and dad to be around all the time and belong only to him. Children do not yet understand that adults have work, friends and personal affairs, for which they also need strength.

A small person does not know how to competently explain to his parents that he lacks their love and care. The easiest way for a child to attract attention is to scream loudly and stomp their feet. The fact that the wishes and needs of others are important to consider is obvious to adults, but not to children. Understanding of these things is not given to a person from birth, but comes only with experience. The child sincerely believes that he should always get what he wants. If his whim is not fulfilled, the baby tries to achieve what he wants by the method available to him, that is, hysteria.

Is the child's bad behavior normal or abnormal?

All babies are deeply individual, and each may have their own motives for disobedience. It is a detailed analysis of the reasons for the child's bad behavior that is the key to "fixing" it. To understand where the roots of whims and tantrums grow, use the following recommendations:

1. Consider the child's "functional age"

Parents often throw phrases at their children such as "stop acting like a baby!" They believe that as they grow older, the child should become more serious. However, all children develop at different rates, under the influence of certain factors. Therefore, when assessing their behavior, it is not always worth focusing on the date indicated on the birth certificate.

Psychologists advise parents to understand what age the level of development of their child corresponds to. In one area, a child may be ahead of his peers, in another - a little behind. This is totally normal. Such contradictions in behavior are especially common among adolescents. An 11-year-old child can talk like an adult, swing his rights, and the next moment - ask him to straighten his blanket before going to bed, cook something delicious.

2. Keep a diary of behavior

It can be difficult for adults to put themselves in the shoes of a child and look at what is happening through his eyes. Therefore, they often feel that there is no reason for bad behavior, but this is not the case.

Parents should keep a diary describing the changes in the baby's behavior, namely:

everything that preceded the scandal;
events after which the baby calmed down;
how the days passed when the child was obedient and calm.

This method will help you build a chain of events and identify the factors that provoke outbursts of anger.

3. Don't be afraid to see a doctor

Behavioral problems in children are often age-related and go away on their own as the child grows up. However, there is one thing: if parents do not understand the exact reasons for their child's tantrums, they will react incorrectly. Reproaches, cuffs, and reciprocal aggression do not contribute to a good upbringing.

Are you highly alarmed by your child's behavior? Do not be afraid and do not hesitate to contact a therapist. If your toddler has health problems, it is important to get a diagnosis and treatment as early as possible. However, your doctor will most likely recommend a good child psychologist for you. He will talk to the baby and determine why he is throwing tantrums. Finding out what causes negative reactions in your child can help you eliminate them.

4. Discuss problems with other parents

Psychologists urge parents to explore the experience of other people with children of the same age - friends, relatives, good acquaintances. Raising a child is really difficult. All parents have problems with the behavior of their children, so there is nothing wrong with discussing them.

Perhaps someone will begin to pretend to be the most experienced educator and insist that they know exactly what your problem is. In general, however, talking with other parents will give you a better understanding of when and why children's behavior gets out of control. You will be able to discover factors that you did not pay attention to before.

A manual for raising an obedient child

Raising a child is a complex and responsible process. Parents know their children well, but often find themselves helpless in the face of their tantrums. Therefore, it is irrational to rely only on your own strength. An invaluable help in upbringing can be provided by the recommendations of experienced professionals who managed to communicate with a large number of families and conduct a lot of research on the subject of how various factors affect the child's behavior.

Sleep monitoring is the key to good behavior

In 2013, British scientists conducted a large-scale study of 10,000 children aged 3-7 years. The results showed that there is an objective link between irregular sleep patterns and poor child behavior during the day.

According to Yvonne Kelly, professor at the Department of Epidemiology and Population Health at University College London, a non-fixed daily routine affects not only the body, but also the mind of the child. In such conditions, he experiences something similar to the sensations when changing time zones. This interferes with healthy development and causes behavioral problems. Sleep disturbances in preschool age can also provoke serious health problems that will last a lifetime.

The longer the child does not get enough sleep, the more pronounced violations in his behavior, namely:

hyperactivity;
emotional instability;
difficulties in communicating with peers.

The good news is that all negative effects are reversible. If parents start to control the child's sleep patterns, his behavior will soon begin to improve.

What is good and what is bad

According to the professor at the University of Massachusetts Rachel Kelem, the task of parents is to teach the child to behave correctly. Adults must set boundaries for what is permissible and constantly explain that they cannot be violated. Even babies lend themselves well to learning. When the baby is already 3 years old, you can say directly to him: “If you don’t stop acting up, you will have to go to your room and sit there a little alone until you calm down”.

It is important to start the educational process as early as possible, because it will no longer be possible to inspire a teenager with anything. When a child is behaving well, along with the praise, he needs to explain what exactly he did right. The kid must remember how to proceed. Did he put the toys in the box? The simple word "well done" is not enough. Tell him that you are grateful for his help with cleaning, or draw his attention to how cozy and beautiful the room has become. Next time he will want to help his mother himself.

Praise for developing a model of behavior

It is important for children to feel care and approval from their parents - this is what they often achieve with their tantrums. Praise them not only for good behavior, but even for trying to do something well.

It is important for parents to understand that they themselves often make mistakes, so it is wrong to demand ideal actions from children. Your baby's brain will develop until adolescence. He is not yet able to rationally evaluate actions and make the right decisions. It takes a lot of time and effort for parents to teach a child to behave well and to forget how to behave badly.

Approval from loved ones will help your baby remember what to do. It will be a great motivation to be good. The child needs parental affection and does not want to upset them, but simply does not yet understand what adults expect of him.

"No" war of interests

University of Massachusetts professor Rachel Kelem advises parents to be resilient and not bend under the child. Did the kid make a scandal because they didn't buy him a toy? Determine how you will proceed and stick to your decision to the bitter end.

The child quickly calculates that if he screams longer and louder, the parents at a certain moment will not stand it and will make concessions. As a result, he begins to manipulate adults and scream every time he does not get what he wants. If you feel that this time you can't stand it for long, give in before the tantrum begins. So you will save your nerves and the calm atmosphere in the house. If you decide not to yield, stand your ground to the end, no matter how much the baby cries. As a result, he will understand that the manipulation did not work, and he will calm down himself.

What shouldn't you do?

Sometimes parents, without knowing it, can provoke the baby to scandals and tantrums. If you want to raise an obedient and calm child, do not make the following mistakes:

1. Don't show your anger to children.

Like sponges, children absorb everything that they "spy" from their parents. If you show your anger at them, they will mirror your behavior and will throw tantrums at you more often.

Of course, all parents are periodically angry with their child. However, it is possible to explain to the kid that he is doing badly without swearing, insists David Spellman, a child psychotherapist from Lancashire. The specialist explains that parents do not even realize how much they hurt their child by talking to him irritably. When raising children, you need to show remarkable patience and find a balance between strictness and kindness.

If a child misbehaves, he needs to be clearly told what he is doing wrong. If you scream, the baby simply won't hear you. What is said in an angry voice will seem incomprehensible to him. As a result, the child will only harbor a grudge and become disgraceful in spite of his parents.

2. Don't read the notation

When raising a child, a carrot works more efficiently than a stick. A person who was punished in childhood remembers this in adulthood and keeps a hidden grudge. Parents always explain to their matured child that they scolded him for his own good. However, experts are sure: punishments cause only negative consequences.

According to Professor Kelem, it is better for parents to focus their children on the moments when they do something right, and less blame them for doing something wrong. In this case, what is good will be deposited in the mind of the little person. He will try to behave himself in order to earn parental approval. Continue to praise and reward his efforts to keep the child up to date.

3. Do not remove the "gold stars" for breaking the rules

A popular method of monitoring children's behavior is using tablets. They help parents to get the child to fulfill their requests. If he does a good deed (removes toys, makes the bed), a star is attached to the plate, but it is removed for misconduct. Doing so is a huge mistake, says Professor Kelem.

The specialist explains that star signs are a great way to negotiate with your child. He sees his achievements and expects to be further encouraged. The kid deserves every star. This is a result that cannot be revised. If the child behaves badly, focus his attention on the fact that he was left without a new star, but do not take away the already deserved ones.

4. Don't put babies in a corner

Prof Kelem explains that changing activities is a very effective method of influencing naughty children. However, it is necessary to “pull out” a child from a situation in which he misbehaves abruptly, without abuse and violence. Sending the baby to a corner, parents literally hang the label “you are bad” on their child. How will he correct his behavior if you yourself inspire him that he cannot do otherwise?

You cannot say out loud phrases like "you are a terrible child", "I am ashamed of your behavior." It is better to softly tell the kid that he has gone too far, and ask him to go sit in his room for a couple of minutes to recover.

One thing to keep in mind as a parent is that with bad behavior the child often tries to get them to spend more time with him. Yes, in this case, he displeases adults and risks being punished. However, the child is satisfied with any attention from the parents. Try to spend more time with your little one when he is behaving well. This will be the best encouragement for the baby, which he will try to get with all his might.