Very often, young parents talk with a child on serious topics, believing that the baby is still ignorant and still will not understand anything. Even very young children pick up the intonation and non-verbal messages of their parents in communication. What to say about older kids, for whom everything is new, like a signal - "listen, remember, act."
The child's perception of people, objects, communication styles, the world in general directly depends on his parents, therefore it is so important to consciously approach the issue of topics for conversation in the presence of the child. It is clear that intimate topics, conversations about violence, crimes, etc. are prohibited.
We will understand those topics that at first glance seem completely harmless, but at the same time can greatly affect the mental and moral development of your baby.
What are mom and dad afraid of
Parents' fears should not be realized by the baby, there is no need to show the child all their worries. The kid is already full of his own experiences from monsters under the bed to nightmares and biting dogs. Your worries will certainly be passed on to the child.
If mom, for example, while dad is away, will tirelessly say how scary it is to spend the night alone, check the doors and windows, and finally put the baby to sleep with her, then the child will become wary of such a situation, he will stop feeling your security.
If one day you say that it is already dark and scary, you need to run home, or someone will definitely attack you, do not be surprised that at dusk the baby will be afraid to leave the house even in your presence.
Remember that you are the authority for your baby, an unbreakable wall, you should be comfortable and safe with you. Dad and mom as superheroes will defeat all evil and protect their child.
The attitude of relatives to the birth of a baby
In no case do not say that someone close to you did not want your mother to give birth to a child. The baby does not need to know that dad was not ready to become a father, and grandmothers were generally expecting a granddaughter, not a grandson.
Even if your child does not communicate much with his father or other relatives, you should not express their opinion about the birth of the baby. The child selflessly loves loved ones who pay attention to him, care for him and also show tender feelings for him. Do not injure the baby's psyche.
It is even better to never tell such information to a child at all, even if he is already very large.
Disputes about parenting
It is not necessary to talk about the methods of upbringing, success in development, and punishment in the presence of the child. For the most part, for children, the upbringing process is a self-evident process, part of life, and by no means carefully planned actions. The kid considers what you do and say - not a technique, but the only correct option, encouragement - really honest praise, and not the ability to influence his development and perception of the world.
There is no need to discuss how you plan to punish the baby, then you will cool down and forget about it, and the child will still anxiously wait for the censure.
In addition, there is no need to argue about which parent is raising the child correctly and which is making mistakes. The kid should be aware of the consistency of your actions, then he will not have doubts about your correctness.
Mother's difficult pregnancy and childbirth
So that the child does not have feelings of guilt before the parents, there is no need to go into details how it was hard for the mother to bear the baby, how she was in the hospital, injecting injections and did not sleep at night. Your baby still cannot fully understand why mom was so hard and painful, and most likely, she will take this information as a reproach, because if it were not for him, then mom could have avoided everything.
Information about childbirth is generally not for baby's ears unless you want your toddler to start asking questions that you don't know how to answer.
Your negative attitude towards teachers
Even if you absolutely do not like the teaching approach to education and training in kindergarten or school, you should not talk about it in front of your baby. You can easily share your opinions with loved ones in private.
A child's reluctance to study, do homework, or even go to kindergarten can be explained by the fact that his teacher or educator is not good enough, not smart, he does not like him.
Children, like litmus tests, absorb your attitude to what is happening and to people, including. Therefore, you should not be surprised that your child has the same opinion of a person as yours.
It is better not to assess the person who gives the child knowledge and educates him as a member of society at all, even if you do not like the teacher. It is in your power to change the class, school, kindergarten, but even so, you do not need to reveal the true reason for your actions, it is better to come up with neutral grounds.
Quarrels and mutual reproaches
In a prosperous family, the baby loves mom and dad equally, his trembling feelings also apply to the immediate environment, your loved ones. The child does not need to witness the parents' scandals, he will not understand the reasons, he will simply be scared, not understanding who is right and who is wrong. For a child, the family should be associated with calmness and tenderness, well-being and security.
If, after a quarrel, you allow yourself to speak unflattering remarks about the other half with a child, the baby may take this to heart. You will cool down, make peace, and your baby will still worry, because "dad is callous and soulless", "and mom is hysterical." The child does not want and cannot distinguish one of you, he is not obliged to take sides in a quarrel, so you, as parents, must protect the baby from your own showdown.
The truth about relatives
If your relatives, even distant ones, have their skeletons in the closet, you should not give out their secrets to your child. Information about what you don't like to hear, the details of what the shameless great-grandfather did, or how the grandfather went into a binge, is not needed by the baby.
All information will come in time. At a conscious and conscious age, your child will draw his own conclusions about the life and behavior of his ancestors.
Contrived secrets
“Come on, this will be our secret, and we won't tell anyone about it,” dad suggests, hiding the stash, or offering to watch football instead of walking. The child, of course, becomes interested, because he was mistaken for an adult who is trusted. But gradually, given the love and affection for both parents, the baby begins to suffer from the realization that he is deceiving a parent who is not aware of the secret.
Excessive experiences are useless for the child's psyche.
Do not hurt children with your conversations, take into account the age of your child, his relationship to you and to relatives. Learn to control yourself in arguments and expressions of emotion. You are responsible for the stability of the baby's mental balance, for his upbringing and acceptance of life.
Many psychologists say that children are full-fledged members of your family, you cannot hide the truth from them. Nevertheless, think about whether the child is ready for your truth, or it is worth postponing the revelations until the moment when they do not traumatize the child's psyche.
Let pleasant surprises for your baby become your "main" secrets.
