Hello! My name is Tutta Larsen. This is "Adult Program" on TUTTA TV. How to get out of the decree? Is there an answer to this question? I hope that we will find it today with our expert psychologist Larisa Surkova. Here, Larissa:
Tutta: Are there any chances for a woman who is stuck on maternity leave to get out of it without surgery?
Larisa Surkova: Climb out? Of course there is. Of course, there is life both after the decree and during the decree. It definitely exists, it exists. And it is very important that the woman herself wants it.
Tutta: We offer you only 5 steps that will help you return to a more or less active life and remain a good mom at the same time.
Point 1. Do I want to withdraw from the decree and what does this mean for me?
Very often we just don't understand what we are talking about. After all, a decree is not a line that can be crossed - and you have already left it, here they are, open doors. The decree, and the way out of it - this is some kind of action, this is some kind of change in your life. So ask yourself the question: what do I want? What do I want to change? And according to our already established tradition, try to write it down on a piece of paper: what changes I expect.
Point 2. Look at yourself in the mirror. Don't be shy, be honest with yourself
Go to the mirror, examine yourself with a rather critical look. And say: "I guess I need to change something in myself." Not everything, but, as a rule, some changes are needed. What would you like to change in yourself? I really love this method, when you come up to a mirror with a marker, which is well erased, and you note right on the mirror: the hair is shorter, the skirt is longer, the legs are straighter, the kilograms fit this silhouette. They say that plastic surgeons do this before the operation, they draw everything right on a person. And we paint on the mirror. Change yourself at least with these boundaries, this marker in the mirror. Make it clear for yourself how you would like to look when the big world can see you again.
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Item 3. Solve family matters
It’s not worse if you left the maternity leave to work and brought a bag of problems with you. And your employer, instead of getting a cool employee in your person who will solve his problems, solve some business issues, gets new problems: "Oh, I have a sick leave, the child is not attached, the nanny was late, my husband was on guard at all" ... You brought all this with you. No! We leave everything at home. Decide who is working with children. Make a schedule. If you are bringing in someone for help, maybe a grandmother or a nanny, there should be a specific schedule so that you do not get jerked. Imagine, you are sitting at a meeting, and your phone is broken: “What now? Where are the socks? What to eat? What should I take? " Everything must be prepared in advance. Then it will be easy for you to leave the decree. You will be sure that the house is quiet and smooth.
Item 4. Prepare children
Because this is the anchor (we have such a term in psychology - anchor) that will hold you. If you know that your child will not let you go, if he is crying at home or in the garden, beating hysterically, you will think about him. You will not pursue your career, you will not solve work issues, you will constantly think about your child. Therefore, a very important point: you decided to leave the decree - give yourself time. Leaving the decree does not mean tomorrow. Lay at least 2-3 months. This is the period necessary for your children to adapt to new living conditions. This time will pass - and you will go to work in a good mood, in a cheerful state of mind, and you will be ready to solve any problems.
Point 5. You must understand exactly how much your withdrawal from the decree costs for you and for your family
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If it turns out that the salary that you will receive is much lower than the money that you should invest in a nanny, a housekeeper, a grandmother, a kindergarten, or something else, then perhaps your motivation will not be very long. Because how do we see it for ourselves? I’m all so beautiful now, in heels, in a short skirt, in the office, here I have a coffee break, here I have lunch, I’ll talk to the girls. But when a person lives in this for 2-3 months and remembers that at home you can lie on the couch with a book at lunchtime while the child has gone to school, or you can take a walk at all, I can go on vacation for 3 months, from no one not to depend and not to wait for these two weeks, which even in summer do not give, the motivation begins to fade. The material component is still important in our life. If your goal is just to get some air, get some good impressions, good emotions, crackle tongues, switch, that is, doubtful, then it is better to think about organizing your leisure time. To meet friends, to go to the theater with her husband, to arrange some romantic evenings. Go hiking, after all. Find a use for yourself in another.
Tutta: Tell me, please, we did not discuss the time and age limit, when, in principle, it makes sense for a mother to think about withdrawing from the decree. Is it a year?
Larisa Surkova: In fact, each family decides in its own way. Let's be honest that mothers are different. There are workaholic mothers who are eager, who want to go to work, and feel comfortable at work, and want to go there as early as possible. And at home they feel bad. They are uncomfortable with these diapers, undershirts. For some it may be a year, for some it may be six months. Because from the perspective of a child, the quality of the time spent with him is still very important, and not just its quantity.
