Shy child: what should parents do? How can I help my child deal with shyness?

Excessive shyness indicates that the child has low self-esteem. And although he does not realize this, he feels great. Helping such a baby is to increase confidence in their own actions and deeds. And here the main principle will be - do no harm! The wrong words and methods will only make the situation worse.

Is it worth paying attention?

On the one hand, modesty gives the girl some charm. A shy guy is not annoying, stubborn or arrogant. These are sympathetic and benevolent people, they will always listen, come to the rescue. Modest girls and guys make true friends.

On the other hand, it can be a disaster when a child is not able to communicate normally with children, play with them, and make friends. New people and surroundings scare him. The kid is worried, but he cannot help himself.

These small problems grow into huge ones in the future. Shy people are often lonely, it is difficult for them to find a second half and start a family. Because of their shyness and constraint, they are invisible and unsuccessful.

Man is a social being. He cannot live outside of society. And the responsibility of adults is to help such a child. That is, to teach how to interact with people. And it is better to start doing this in early childhood.

Psychology: Shy kids

Shyness, indecision in modern life, if not a flaw, then certainly a character trait that interferes in many ways. Where does excessive shyness come from in children, and how can we help the child?

Signs of shyness

A shy child is easy to distinguish from the crowd. On a visit, he does not leave his mother, hides behind her back, silent. Where all the children play, this kid sits quietly on the sidelines and sadly watches.

Common signs. Rapid pulse, muscle tension, profuse sweating, bright blush are the first symptoms. They fetter the baby, do not allow him to relax. As a result, the child feels severe discomfort. Added to this is a low voice, excessive excitement if noticed. The kid is careful in his actions. It's easier for him not to do it at all in order to remain invisible.
Self-criticism. Such children are overly demanding of their own person. They consider themselves worse than others, inferior. This applies to both appearance and behavior. As a result, the complexes move further away from people.
Closure. Closed children in any team. It is difficult to draw them out for a conversation or involve them in social activities. When asked, they try to keep silent, preferring solitude to cheerful games.
Shyness. Any child will be glad to be praised, but not this kid. It is easier for him to remain in the shadows than to receive a portion of a little attention. Public praise is stressful for him.
Shyness. Fear of novelty and the public. New people, places, any unfamiliar situation. The kid tries to get away from her, to hide. He only feels calm in a familiar environment.
Indecision. It is difficult for such a child to make decisions. He feels insecure about his own actions and thoughts. He is tormented by doubts whether he is doing it right or not. Even small tasks pose huge challenges.
Impaired speech. In ordinary life, these children are uncommunicative, they do not talk to strangers - they are shy. Public speaking is contraindicated for them. Fear and anxiety can lead to stuttering, stuttering in speech.

Where does shyness come from?

To help a child overcome excessive modesty and insecurity, you need to know the reason for its origin. Sometimes, having eliminated the source, the problem itself disappears.

Heredity. If in the family close relatives, including parents, suffered from shyness, the baby could inherit this quality.
Due to temperament. Phlegmatic and melancholic people are naturally prone to shyness. These types of temperaments are also introverted. That is, they are focused not on external communication with people around them, but on their inner world.
An example of parents. Children learn to interact with society by repeating the behavior of adults. If any of the relatives in the family has this quality, the child could copy it.
Education. Sometimes parents themselves, without knowing it, bring up shyness in the baby. Criticism, frequent punishment, prohibitions without explanation form a certain behavior of the child. He tries to meet the expectations of adults.
Cruelty. When the family is in a bad situation, there is psychological pressure, tyranny or assault, the baby closes down, grows shy and squeezed.
Long-term isolation. In other words, lack of experience. This occurs when the child is often sick and sits at home. The reason may be the closed family policy of the family. Parents devoted little time to the baby's communication with other children.
Hyper-care. As a kind of special (intentional) isolation. This is excessive custody of the child by relatives and friends. Occurs in overly anxious and suspicious parents. Fearing for the baby's health, or that he may be offended, adults deliberately do not allow contact with strangers. It is typical for parents suffering from overprotection to keep their children in "home confinement".

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Shy kid: a future loser?

How can I help my child?

The baby cannot cope with this task on his own. And in the future, a small problem can turn into a big tragedy. What should parents do?

Praise. Encourage and encourage the child verbally: "You will succeed!", "You are so clever!", "I'm proud of you!" Do this as often as possible. When a toddler feels supported by loving parents, it builds confidence.
Demonstrate how important it is. Ask your child's opinion on a particular issue. When choosing clothes, any purchases for the house, a surprise for dad, grandmother. Let the baby feel that he is considered, that his opinion is important. Thus, children's self-esteem grows.
Show that adults are wrong too. And there is nothing wrong with that. Parental authority is of great importance to a baby. Seeing that even adults make mistakes, the child will treat their own failures differently. Teach him not to dwell on mistakes, but to try to correct them.
Train playfully. Children try on social roles through play. Hone your social interaction skills in story games: "On a visit", "At the clinic", "Bus", "Toys go to kindergarten." A child without fear and anxiety can try himself in any way. Here you can rehearse the use of polite words, how to get to know yourself correctly, the rules of behavior in public places, and more.
Give errands. Simple tasks that the kid can do on their own. Start with the simplest ones: give money to the seller at the checkout, give the item to an adult, help collect the necessary groceries in the store. And be sure to praise.
Visit crowded places. Being in places where children congregate, the child gets used to being in society. In addition, he sees patterns of behavior of other kids: how they communicate, get to know each other, interact. There is no need to insist on playing with children, let him watch. Over time, he himself will become interested in trying. But you need to visit such places often.
Invite children to visit. The child feels more confident in his territory. Here he is the master, here everything is familiar to him. It is easier for a kid to decide on contact with people surrounded by familiar surroundings and toys.

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"Advice from a child psychologist" How to overcome shyness in children?

Parents' mistakes

A timid, modest child is easily hurt. He closes himself off from others, but hears and understands everything. Sometimes relatives and friends themselves, without realizing it, provoke his shy behavior.

The desire to remake the child. Adults deliberately create situations that the baby is afraid of the most. They focus on the problem, discuss it aloud, ask to tell the rhyme to the public. For a shy baby, it's stressful. The effect will be the opposite of what was expected. The child will close even more and stop trusting his parents.
Pay no attention. "He's like that!" or "Grow up, he will change himself!" Ignoring is also a mistake. The situation will not change itself. This will develop into a complex that he cannot cope with on his own. A kid can remain shy, lonely and unhappy for life.
Waiting for a quick effect. Even following all the rules and precautions, do not expect a quick result. The child needs time. In each case individually. Don't force things. Create conditions, encourage the slightest achievement and his first independent attempts. Be a friend to your child!

What can not be done categorically

Criticize.
Compare with other children.
To be ashamed in public.
Obsess over the problem.

Many human complexes are rooted in childhood. Therefore, the responsibility for timely assistance to a little loved one falls on the shoulders of parents. The sooner an adult pays attention and helps the baby, the easier and faster the child will step over the "shy" stage of development.