Many families have to deal with child theft. Psychologists help to understand why the child steals money, and give advice to parents on how to avoid theft again in the future.
Child theft is a common problem. And some families have to deal with this regularly. How to understand why a child steals money from parents, and how to behave correctly for adults in this difficult situation? Psychological advice will help parents to take the right position, improve relationships with children and avoid repeating theft in the future.
Most parents one day have to face a situation where a child takes someone else's thing without asking. And if money is stolen, then this news of parents simply leads to shock and bewilderment, they cannot understand how this could happen and why something like this happened to their child and how to act in this case. The main thing is not only to find the right words and explain to the child why his act is bad and what consequences it can lead to, but also to understand why the little person committed this act. Then they begin to think about what relatives and friends will say if they find out about it.
Upon learning that his own child is stealing, each parent first of all experiences a shock: "How could my child have done this?" Then the adult begins to think about why this happened, what is his fault in this situation, how to punish the culprit and what to do to prevent this situation from happening again. Most parents, especially mothers, in such cases also feel guilty, thinking that they missed something in their upbringing, could not explain and convey to understanding.
First of all, you need to calm down and try to understand the situation and understand whether the child stole for the first time or this has already happened before, and the parents only now learned about it. Now you need to admit that the concept of theft is generally inapplicable to children in general, because real life and the child's fantasies are inseparable in his mind. Sometimes he himself cannot realize that his act is so terrible.
The age of the child is of great importance. If he is 3-5 years old, he simply does not quite understand the difference between his own and someone else's, and he will hardly be able to restrain his desire to take the thing he likes. And now, having become older, children begin to realize the concept of ownership and belonging to someone.
A kid can, while visiting, take a beautiful toy or book simply because he liked it. Sometimes children secretly take out something from supermarkets, such as sweets. A child cannot resist so many seductive things, not realizing that all this must first be paid.
If this happened for the first time, mom or dad should explain to the child the difference between their own and someone else's and that all things in stores have their own price. The mistake of parents is that they scold the baby for a valuable thing, and if he takes someone else's book or toy without asking, no one will even pay attention to it. You need to understand that for a child, things are not measured in monetary terms, they like or dislike them.
The child simply succumbed to the impulse to take the thing he liked. No more. Older children should already be clearly aware of the concepts of "theirs" and "others", therefore, in the event of theft, one should understand why the child took such a step.
The task of parents is to convey to the child's consciousness that other people's things cannot be taken without asking. It is imperative to ask permission from the person who owns this thing.
What drives children to steal: reasons
For a long time, adults may not notice the loss of small change or small denominations. And having noticed once, write off on your forgetfulness, do not attach importance. Some parents assume whatever they want, but do not allow the guilt of their beloved sons and daughters even in their thoughts. Therefore, the disclosure of the truth is literally overwhelming. All the secrets are revealed someday.
The level of well-being and wealth of a family is not an indicator. Child theft is observed in single-parent families, and in complex ones, where no one takes care of the child, and in completely normal ones, where adults pay attention and pamper, and give pocket money. What is the reason? Why do children start stealing money from their parents' wallets and pockets?
Psychologists name several main reasons for stealing
1. The desire to possess some thing
Sometimes the desire to get the thing he likes becomes so strong that the child cannot cope with it. This is especially true for kids, who, seeing that an interesting toy has been left unattended, can come up and take it for themselves.
The task of an adult in this case is to explain to a son or daughter that the thing does not belong to him, and its owner will be very upset and cry. To prove it with an example, you can pick up your child's favorite toy and ask how he feels at the same time, you need the child to understand what emotions arise in such situations.
2. Theft for a good cause
Sometimes children steal money, but do not understand that it is bad. A small child can steal money to buy a gift for his mom or friend. It seems to him that he is doing a good deed. When asked where he got the money, the thief can answer that he had found and decided that they were no one. In this case, the child needs to be explained that even a thing lying on the road does not become the property of the one who found it.
The main thing is to teach by example. If mom or dad, finding something on the street, hides it in his pocket, the child will think that it should be done.
3. Build credibility with friends
Most children strive to gain authority among their peers (or to gain the favor of older children) and often some valuable thing becomes a reason for earning this favor. If the child does not have this thing, he can steal it. You need to explain to the child that stealing never leads to good and in this way you can not earn authority, but spoil your future, and vice versa, become an extremely unrespected person!
4. Meeting your needs
If a child grows up in a low-income family, he may lack the things that his friends have: fashionable clothes, gadgets, expensive toys. A kid can steal a ball or a doll that a peer has, and teens steal money to meet their needs and keep up with friends.
First of all, parents need to explain that theft is always a crime. But, at the same time, you need to think about whether they provide a son or daughter not only with the necessary food and clothing, but also with some things that bring joy and give confidence. Even primary school students should have a small pocket money with them.
5. Feelings of revenge
Children can steal in order to take revenge on their abuser. If a peer mockingly tells a child that he does not have the latest model of a constructor or a robot and makes fun of him in front of other friends, then resentment can force him to commit an unseemly act. The child will steal the object of his pride from a friend only in order to avenge the offense inflicted. It is necessary to teach the child not to respond to the offense by stealing. Conflicts need to be resolved, not aggravated.
Notice if the child feels guilty about the act. You don't have to shout and hit your baby right away. Give him a chance to redeem himself! Send him to give the item to the owner. Let this immediately become both an atonement and a punishment for him.
6. Envy of peers
Communication of children with each other can be very cruel. And a child who does not have expensive toys, sneakers, or a telephone can be seriously attacked. Awkwardness and shame are good reasons for parents to start losing money from their wallet. First, small amounts, later - large bills.
Theft cannot solve the problem. Adults need not to overlook, not to miss the moment and clearly explain that it is impossible to have everything at once. It is important to convey to the child's consciousness the idea that a person is no worse than others if he does not have an iPhone.
7. "Buying" friends
In the company of guys, someone often stands out who has plenty of pocket money, who can treat friends to ice cream or chips at any time. Such a child is always in the spotlight. Children incorrectly believe that friendship is acquired in this way. In an effort to make friends, a child can afford to break the rules - start taking money from parents without asking.
Due to their age, such children still do not understand that such friendships end with money. Parents should explain what true friendship is, how it is achieved and measured.
8. Lack of attention
The most paradoxical reason. When a child just wants to attract the attention of parents. That is, the stolen money is spent on the purchase of items that adults will definitely notice. It turns out that in this case it is mom and dad who are pushing the desperate step of stealing children, who have missed something global in their upbringing, or simply plunged into their lives. No matter how independent the children are, you need to communicate with them - as often as possible.
Such a situation is a signal for action. Parents should completely rethink their lives and reallocate time in such a way that there are precious hours and minutes per child.
Let your child understand that the applique glued by him can give much more emotion than stealing money and things. In this case, the emotions from the application will be positive, but theft will not. Explain that you love him and notice, and if he thinks that this is not so, then he is mistaken. Try to spend more time with your child.
9. Children's spontaneity
It happens that children simply do not understand where the money comes from and at what cost adults get it. The money is in the wallet and from there they all get it as needed, right? Accordingly, the child can take and spend some amount. Quite a common thing. There is no such thing as theft in a child's head.
In this case, parents need to explain what work is, how it is paid. The best prevention of theft is to allow the child to “earn” money by their own labor. Having once experienced how difficult it is, in the future he will think about whether or not to take without demand what others have earned.
Having understood the reasons that push children to steal, it will be easier for adults to avoid repeating such situations in the future. Knowing the answer to the "why", it is easy enough to solve the question. The main thing is not to close your eyes and not give up. If the child feels permissiveness, it will not lead to anything good. Theft from the pockets of loved ones can develop into theft from strangers.
How can parents “reach out” to a child?
At some point, the parents realize that the child has started to steal. Sometimes it happens suddenly (caught on a hot) or gradually, after weeks or even months (by guesswork, comparing facts, the appearance of "found" objects, things). After realizing reality, adults should take time out. Some time is simply needed to think over the situation, to find the right way to solve the problem. In no case should you lash out at the culprit with accusations, and you should also not pretend that everything is fine. The question is complex and serious. The advice of psychologists will be useful to many.
What psychologists advise
[sc name = ”rsa”]
- A responsibility. This is taught from childhood. Every action is followed by a reaction - good or bad. Various tasks that can be entrusted to the child help to develop this quality well. A good way to instill a sense of responsibility in a child is to have a pet that needs to be fed and walked regularly. The kid will begin to take care of the animal, will understand that he is responsible for the life of the creature.
- Correct settings. From the first years of life, the child should clearly understand that taking someone else's is prohibited! Understand what is good and what is bad. It is useful to periodically provide examples of the consequences and penalties for misconduct (in this case, theft).
- Confidential communication. Even if it is not there, this is what you need to strive for. The best effect on children is produced by educational conversations. A calm, gentle tone of conversation contributes to the child's trust in the parents. In such conversations, the child can ask any questions and hear useful answers. And for adults, this is also a great opportunity to get to the bottom of the reasons that push the child to certain actions.
- The concept of personal and general. Each family member has things that no one else can take without asking. The kid should understand that close people are upset if something happens to valuable items. The child learns to understand the importance of things through the example of their own values. Therefore, in turn, parents must also respect the child's personal space.
- Understanding the feelings and emotions of the people around. You should not hide your feelings from the baby. This does not mean that in the event of a misconduct, all emotions should be poured onto the child's psyche. But it is necessary every time to explain to the child what exactly adults feel, how they worry, what they think when they discover the loss. It is advisable to use clear examples to explain the possible consequences of bad actions.
- Attention to the interests of the child. Few of the children does not express a desire to do something. Usually, sooner or later, the desire to go to football, to dances, to aircraft modeling, programming is manifested. Children's interests should be encouraged and stimulated to develop abilities. This will allow the child to find his place in the world, assert himself, make friends, and usefully distribute his free time.
- The inaccessibility of temptation. It is often customary in families to leave money in plain sight. And the children have a completely natural desire to take them without asking. It is recommended to set aside a special place for storing finances. That's right, when a child in a family does not even know where exactly the wallets are removed. The less often money comes into view, the less temptation, the less likely unpleasant situations will arise.
- Having everything you need. Parents are obliged to provide children with everything they need to develop and grow up. This is important and not discussed. But at least sometimes children should be pampered, buy what they really want. And at the same time explain that sometimes the family budget does not allow to realize every desire, that patience and aspiration are needed. This will help the child better understand the value of money.
- Pocket money. Issuing a small amount for several days is the most optimal option. The child will learn to control their expenses, decide how much and when to spend, and will understand how difficult it is to live completely without money.
- Understand the motives of the child. Understanding what prompted the child to steal is the way to solve the problem. If an acquaintance suggested the idea, it is imperative to talk to the instigator's parents.
- 12 rules for giving children pocket money (personal experience). Plus video consultation of specialists
- Children and pocket money: how to teach a child to treat money correctly
- Children and money: 10 mistakes of financial education
Elena Pervukhina advises
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KDCKkXplT8
Common mistakes parents should avoid
Finding and investigating the causes of child theft should not be one-sided.Parents may not notice mistakes in their behavior, while demanding from the child to correct the situation. And by influencing the offspring by all available methods, adults can, on the contrary, aggravate, provoke in the future new cases of theft, rudeness, disobedience. In such cases, you also cannot do without the help of specialists.
You need to be strict, but without fanaticism. As you awaken feelings of guilt and shame, make sure your child understands your feelings and the feelings of the people from whom he stole something. Organize the situation so that he comes out of it without humiliation, but with a clear understanding of the wrongness of the act. Remember that threats will confuse him.
So, parents are prohibited from:
- Put money, even small amounts, in easily accessible places;
- Concentrate only on the child's studies and responsibilities and ignore his life in society. In addition to school, there are relationships with peers, joys, resentments, quarrels. It is important to pay attention to the child's relationship with friends, to help solve emerging issues;
- Use force, raise hands against children, shout to find out the truth, the reason for the theft. All conversations between parents and children should take place in a calm tone, confidentially. The task of adults is to explain why stealing is prohibited and what the consequences might be;
- Stealing is wrong. Ignore the loss of little things from pockets, from a shelf, from a drawer of a dresser. If there has already been a theft, and there is no doubt about it, then it is time to act, take measures, somehow react to what happened. And in no case should theft be ignored;
- Tell outsiders about children's misconduct. Do not involve outsiders, otherwise you risk not only making your child suffer, but you may even "lose" him altogether. You cannot accuse a child of stealing in the presence of strangers. The family circle should be clearly delineated, and there is absolutely no need to devote friends, colleagues and distant relatives to family problems. People who are superficially aware of the situation may form the wrong negative opinion about their son or daughter. And a child may develop completely unnecessary complexes, a feeling of being tight in front of other people.
- It is not necessary to immediately call the child a thief, otherwise this thought can be strengthened in his mind. You are not a prosecutor, you do not need to arrange trials, have a confidential conversation with the baby.
The line between confidential conversation and hours of morality can be quite difficult for adults. In most cases, the child is aware of his guilt, so you should not tell him again and again how he is wrong. Having determined the true reason for the act, you need to find a solution to the problem, try to fix it and prevent it in the future.
Children need support even when they are completely wrong. Intimidation, grim prospects of life behind bars, and appeals to the police are unlikely to bring about the desired result. Without mutual understanding between children and parents, confidential communication will not work.
It is a calm conversation during which a son or daughter reveals the reasons for his actions helps to avoid incidents in the future. A foolish little person is able to realize, improve and draw the right conclusions if the parents find the right words. Do not aim only to scold and disgrace the child.
A careful attitude to surrounding objects and to the feelings of people, kindness, empathy - this is absorbed by the child from the outside world. The best way to teach is to be a role model. All moral values are laid from childhood, when the baby sees and hears from day to day how mom and dad act, talk, solve certain issues. If you help a child from birth to form the correct impression of the world, then in the process of growing up there will be no serious problems, there will be no motives for committing misconduct.
Having learned about the theft of a child, you should not panic, hysterics and rush for a belt. Calm, thoughtful behavior, the desire to understand and forgive the child will help to solve the problem and win the trust and love of the little person and provide you and your children with a favorable outcome of the situation.
- Childhood lies: why a child lies and how to teach him to tell the truth
- 5 main reasons why a child is lying
- Disguised as a victim. What to do if the child "hits on pity"
