How to survive a miscarriage in early or late pregnancy: advice from a psychologist

Miscarriage is an ordeal for every woman. But you need to find the strength in yourself in order to survive this loss, you need to try to get rid of emotional pain (depression), learn to enjoy life again and firmly believe that you can become a happy mother!

Two stripes on the dough give a woman an incredible sensation. She begins to listen to herself, feels the growth of a new life in herself, imagines the unborn child: his elastic pink cheeks, soft hair, a smile. Begins to look after the dowry and study the catalogs of prams.

But hopes are not always destined to come true. Sometimes a pregnancy is terminated in unexpected ways. A miscarriage at any stage of gestation (early or late pregnancy) is a huge stress for a woman. But you shouldn't give in to despair. You need to take care of your own health, get rid of depression and learn to re-experience the joy of life.

Miscarriage, spontaneous abortion - spontaneous pathological termination of pregnancy. Spontaneous abortion ends in 15-20% of clinically established cases of pregnancy. These numbers are the lower bounds for the estimate, since in many cases, miscarriage occurs in the early stages - before a woman realizes that she is pregnant, while the clinical signs of miscarriage are mistaken for heavy periods or for their delay.
Wikipedia
Miscarriages are different: an ectopic pregnancy, a frozen pregnancy, an egg in which there was no embryo, stillbirth (when a child is born between 16 and 20 weeks and cannot yet be saved by doctors). In each case, the reasons are different, but mostly it is a low level of progesterone in a woman, a virus, an arrest of growth and development in a child, defects in a child, hormonal or biochemical imbalance in the mother (including as a result of the use of hormonal contraceptives in the past), the presence of a history of abortions or miscarriages resulting in uterine curettage.
One way or another, no one is immune from miscarriage ...

Possible causes of miscarriage

What a woman feels after a loss

Each of the failed mothers experiences grief in its own way. The first reaction is shock. He may be accompanied by hysteria or, conversely, withdrawal and refusal to communicate.

After losing a child, a woman experiences a whole “cocktail” of feelings. She may blame herself, her husband, doctors, or other people for what happened to her. It may seem that she will never experience the joy of motherhood. The woman feels a burning pity for the little man, whom she could not give life to.

Almost all women fall into depression after miscarriage.

A severe psychological condition aggravates hormonal disruption. A woman experiences frequent mood swings: violent sobs are replaced by hysterical laughter. I want to be alone, and immediately there is a need to tell someone about my experiences.

A woman may perceive reality poorly, not react to others, refuse food and food, experience problems with sleep. Some lethargy may also be present. Many, recalling a difficult period afterwards, cannot say what they felt, what was happening, who was next to them.

It is good if at this moment someone close and dear will be with you, who can support, hug, find words of consolation, or just be silently close.

Share your grief

It is important not to keep your pain to yourself, but to share it with loved ones. If you voice the feelings you are experiencing, it will be easier for you to relive them. However, try to choose from your environment such people who, indeed, can sympathize, understand, support.

Some people simply fail to understand what a woman is going through. Their advice hurts rather than relieves. Very often you can hear phrases:

It is better to stay away from such advisors. However, you definitely need to speak out. You can talk to your mom or a close friend, and share your feelings and concerns with your sister or husband. And some find it easier to open up to a casual interlocutor. If you are a believer, you can talk to a priest. You can also contact someone who has experienced this himself in the past. This person, for sure, will understand and support you.

If there is no person in your environment whom you could and would like to confide in, at least say your feelings out loud. This will help to help release negative energy.

Feel free to cry. You have experienced real grief and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You can cry for your unborn baby, for your unfulfilled hopes, for everything that you expected with such tenderness and impatience. Forget that crying is a sign of weakness. In your case, they are healing. Together with them, tension and pulling pain will come out, which you cannot get rid of.

Guilt

After a miscarriage, you may feel guilty. You will frantically search for the answer: "For what? Why did this happen to me? "... You may remember how you were inattentive to yourself and your health, maybe remember that you reacted to the news of your pregnancy with fear or even with annoyance.

Get rid of these thoughts. It’s not your fault. Unfortunately, life is arranged in such a way that anything can happen to each of us. No one is immune from misfortune or tragedy. There is no need to look for the guilty and torment yourself. The event happened. You won't change anything. Live on.

Time is the best healer

When a person is bereaved, it is difficult for him to believe that the pain will subside over time. But it is so. Questions coming soon: "What is this for me?" and Why did this happen to me? give way to others. You will start thinking about how you can deal with depression and get back to your real life. You will notice that not only you, but also your loved ones suffer from your condition: other children, husband, parents.

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But don't just rely on time. You will have to work on your own to get out of the depression. Attempts to simply forget what happened to you are doomed to failure. It is necessary to survive the situation, accept it and let it go.

There are various psychological tricks that can help you cope with grief. One is offered by the psychologist Bob Date, who specializes in working with bereaved people. The specialist advises to write on separate pieces of paper the phrases:

Place the leaves so that they constantly catch your eye: attach to the mirror or to the refrigerator door, hang over the work table, put in your wallet. Every time the phrases come across your eyes, repeat them mentally or aloud. These settings will start working.

Take care of your health

Taking care of yourself, of your own health, will help you distract yourself from thoughts of an irreparable loss. An interrupted pregnancy is a serious blow to the body, damaging your health.

A miscarriage leads to a violation of the hormonal background, strikes the endocrine system, and often there is a lot of blood loss.

You need to visit medical specialists, get tested, strictly follow all the recommendations of doctors. Try to walk more, move, eat right, get enough sleep. Try to eliminate cigarettes and alcohol entirely.

Think about your health condition before the miscarriage. Be sure to visit the necessary specialists, get tested and follow all the doctor's prescriptions.
Monitor your diet. Food may not be of any interest to you right now, but you need strength. The variety and quality of food is essential. Set regular times for meals and snacks. Drink plenty of fluids to stay hydrated. Monitor your weight (if you notice significant changes, consult your doctor).
Do not overuse coffee and alcohol under any circumstances! Take a multivitamin instead.
Stick to your normal daily routine. Go to bed at your usual time in the evening, even if you don't feel like sleeping at all. Avoid high and regular doses of sleeping pills.

If you notice any changes in your condition, be sure to consult your doctor. It can be:

change in weight;
weakness;
temperature rise;
violations of the gastrointestinal tract;
abundant discharge and other unusual manifestations, indicating a malfunction of the body.

Remember that full recovery from a miscarriage will be the key to your next successful pregnancy.

It is also important to try to find out what caused the miscarriage. As a rule, the loss of a child occurs as a result of hormonal disruptions, disruption of the endocrine system, as well as various diseases. Finding out the exact reason will allow you to take measures to prevent a recurrence of the tragedy.

If you yourself are not yet able to ask the doctor the necessary questions, ask someone close to you to go to the appointment. Try to find answers to all the questions that bother you. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor about anything that makes you worried. Before the appointment, be sure to write down on a piece of paper (or in a smartphone) all your questions so as not to forget anything. It is also better to write down the doctor's answers right away. As known, "a dull pencil is better than a sharp memory "... If during a conversation with a doctor you do not understand something, do not hesitate to ask or clarify, since this is about the most important thing. It is your right to know what happened to you in order to prevent the recurrence of the misfortune.

Watch yourself

Monitoring your condition also promotes early psychological recovery. Keep a diary in which to write down:

what happened to you during the day;
with whom you met;
what they thought and what they felt;
what changes you felt in yourself.

Remember to mark anything that gives you pleasure or joy. Even if it will be some little things: a beautiful sunset, a funny game of kittens on the lawn in front of the house, a delicious cup of coffee in a cafe.

Also write your plans and goals in a journal. This section requires:

plan business and tasks for the day, week, month;
mark what you managed to do and write down what or who prevented you from realizing your goals;
whose help will be required to successfully solve the assigned tasks;
what state of yours prevented you from realizing your plans;
what you need to do to find the resources in yourself to live on.

Be sure to write down your successes and achievements. Set only realistic goals, unattainable tasks will only upset you.

Learning to relax

Relaxation and self-regulation skills will help you in any situation in life. And during the period when you are experiencing a miscarriage, the methods will allow you to recover faster and find peace of mind.

You can practice yoga, Chinese qigong gymnastics, meditation. To get started, start doing the following set of exercises:

Lie on your back, try to take the most comfortable position, if necessary, put a pillow or roller under your lower back.
Exhale and close your eyes.
Inhale slowly for a count of four, filling the stomach first, then the chest.
Exhale also slowly, for a count of four, as if the air should flow from the abdomen, then from the chest and out through the nose.

You can sit in the lotus position, relax, try to get rid of all thoughts, sit and just watch your breathing, making regular breaths in and out. If you have extraneous thoughts, imagine that you are opening a tunnel that sucks in all the extraneous.

When the help of a psychologist is needed

Unfortunately, it is not always possible to cope with depression after a miscarriage on your own. The help of professional psychologists or psychotherapists will be required if:

the appearance of thoughts of suicide;
prolonged apathy;
abuse of alcohol or sedatives;
signs of mental disorders (hallucinations, obsessive thoughts and ideas, etc.);
prolonged depression;
sleep disturbances, recurring nightmares;
chronic fatigue.

Generally, physiological recovery from a miscarriage takes three to six months. During this time, the hormonal background is normalized, the endocrine system returns to normal. The same period of time is necessary in order to normalize your mental state.

If this has not happened, you are still tormented by a sense of guilt, you do not want to communicate with others, you do not have the strength to go about your usual affairs, you need to seek professional medical or psychological help.

A psychologist or psychotherapist will help you understand yourself, get rid of negative attitudes and thoughts. The specialist will realistically assess your condition and, if necessary, advise the consultation of an endocrinologist or other medical specialists.

Pamper yourself

Being mindful of yourself will allow you to recover faster. Give yourself a little joy every day. Buy the products you love, go to the spa, go to the park. It's good if you have the opportunity to go on vacation. A change of environment affects the psychological state in the most favorable way.

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Think about your appearance: change your wardrobe, visit a hairdresser, make an appointment with a good beautician.

All this will allow you to get distracted, get positive emotions, feel the joy of life and successfully cope with your loss.

Do not forget, but experience

The purpose of this article is not to make you forget what you have suffered, but to help you get through a tragic event. You have lost your child. This is your experience, which will always be with you. But this should not prevent you from living on. You have become different, stronger and wiser. You will have a different attitude to life, you will be able to better understand others and yourself.

Many women who have experienced a miscarriage blame either themselves (she ate improperly, worked a lot, was treated irregularly), or other people (inattentive doctors, an eternally busy husband, selfish mother-in-law, boss, etc.). Let not immediately, but this view of the situation must be abandoned. It is not easy, and it may even seem completely impossible. But this step must be taken, and it is the result of a lot of meaningful work on oneself.

Video: Recovering from a miscarriage

And the last moment

When a woman experiences a miscarriage, the last thing she can think about is another pregnancy. But you should know that you will definitely become a mom. You will again experience the excitement when you find out that a new life has arisen in you, the quivering tenderness from the sensation of the first, almost imperceptible, movements of the baby, and this time everything will end well. You will become a mother, and you will enjoy the smiles of your baby, play with him, watch him grow.

Tips from moms from forums

The spelling and punctuation of the authors are preserved.
koshkash:doctors say that if a pregnancy is rejected, it means that she “didn’t work out” from the very beginning. And the conceived child is not viable. Sometimes parents themselves are not happy that, contrary to nature, by titanic efforts they have preserved and retained what was doomed ... sad.gif
It's not easy to get through, yes. But you are not the first, and many, many later had babies, and not even one.Take care of yourself (your health in the first place, and not only vitamins, maybe, if finances allow, and go where to rest and unwind, you don't have to sit in your sadness and depression). God forbid, everything will work out.
markovaolga: my words may seem harsh, but this is exactly the way it is, because I went through it myself. As girls correctly write - this is natural selection and you need to treat it this way. When, right after I lost the long-awaited and desired child and they told me so, I began to cry, later I thought a lot about it and still came to the conclusion that everything that happens to us is exactly the way it should be.
The most important thing now is not to dwell on this. Think about the fact that a miscarriage at 10 weeks is less of a tragedy than death before childbirth or at the time of childbirth, and you were answered by girls who experienced a real tragedy, God forbid anyone like that, and still became Moms (this is the most important thing in life) I really wish you not to cycle, but to go to your goal, rest as much as possible (cinema, theaters, etc.), drink vitamins, talk to your doctor about planning and already receive all the recommendations about vitamins and the time when it is optimal to start.
Slavkina: For three years now I remember the second of September for the same reason. Then all hopes were cut short. The term was shorter, but they still did the cleaning. It's hard to remember, tears welling up. My husband helped me, I realized this later. Every day he said that everything will be fine and everything will work out. Then it seemed to me that he was mocking me and that there would never be a good thing. Through my acquaintances, I then found a good specialist who understood my problems, prescribed treatment, calmed down mentally, and after “turning off” my head, I did not even notice how I got pregnant. It happened six months later.
The main thing for you now is to put your nerves in order, get distracted, occupy your head with other thoughts (I know that this seems impossible). Conception during stress is also no good.
tata tata: I also cried a lot, all the time I wondered why this could happen to me because everything was quiet and peaceful, everyone was happy. I went to the ultrasound and saw my baby and after a couple of days I lost it. It was also 10 weeks old.
Doctors advised to refrain from planning for half a year or a year. So that the body recovers. And I wanted to immediately and for some reason did not work, and I wound myself even more. Then I talked to my acquaintance priest and he didn’t seem to say anything magic, the same as everyone around. But I calmed down. Somehow less thoughts, new work helped. And here it is happiness. We will be one year soon.
Kindness:Finally ready to write my own story! In December of that year, my husband and I learned that we were expecting a second child, we were very happy. There have never been any health problems. On a period of 12 weeks on Friday, I discovered reddish discharge - we went to the hospital, but did not go to bed. Already from Sunday to Monday, my stomach started to hurt badly at night, a lot of blood started to flow, and we went to the hospital. The condition was terrible. It was pouring off me very hard. And as soon as the doctor came in and said climb into the chair - everything fell from me, along with a tiny fruit! It was terrible! I was immediately taken to the cleaning and more and more not pregnant. It was awful! She roared, sobbed, cried. She was terribly depressed. But despair lasted a couple of days, because tears cannot help grief, plus my husband supported me very much. Of course, the doctor said to wait at least six months, then you can try again. But I trusted my feelings and sensations, because I knew that Health was not the issue. And as soon as the first menstruation after the miscarriage ended, I became pregnant again. Menstruation went exactly one month later. That is, on 23.01, there was a miscarriage, on 26.02 my periods went, in March I already became pregnant. Now I am lying with my newborn second daughter))) everything is fine. I am writing to support all the girls who have the same situation now. Since at that time she climbed and looked for answers, who, when, and how much. There is no time to cry. There is a desire, there is a goal. If you are healthy, do it right away! If there are sores, then treat and do. The main thing is not to think about the bad! I wish you health and children!
Lena: Do not blame yourself in any way! It would be necessary to check hot on the trail and hand over additional. analyzes - find the strength to do this and plan your pregnancy further - only it will save you from depression and anxiety. Do not sit at home and do not become isolated, you need to act - depression is not an assistant, you need to get rid of it by all means! Go to the doctor and try to find the cause. If this is the first B, then sometimes this happens and no one can explain (I have several such examples from friends). I wish you that this would never happen to you !!! Take care of planning for the baby, you wanted it and you can't stop because of failure.
Marina: Girls, everyone has their own cross! You need to let go and live on! We want to have children, so we need to live with this desire and God willing! And the path of depression and self-flagellation is the path to nowhere! I myself am constantly tormented and pull myself out of the state of sorrow right "by the hair".

Video recommendations of a reproductive physician: pregnancy after miscarriage

The vast majority of women who once had a miscarriage become happy mothers of healthy babies - and this is an absolutely indisputable fact. Be sure to remember that your life continues and is as fulfilling as before.