Should a three-year-old be punished? If so, how? The story is told by Vladimir Smirnov, 30 years old, father of two children, Tamara, 28 years old, mother of two children. Recommendations are given by Elena Ostrovskaya, psychologist, leader of parent-child groups. Lena Danilyuk tells how to properly punish a child and maintain friendly and trusting relationships with her baby. In the video, psychologist Dmitry Korpachev will tell you why you can't beat children. We also collected popular opinions of moms from the forums.
Any psychologist will tell you that at the age of 3, the child begins the first age crisis. (if the child did not have a crisis at 1-2 years old, he will definitely come at 3). The kid becomes an independent person, defends his right to personal space. Not all adults have nerves of steel ... The question arises: is it possible to punish a child at this age (put a little whim in a corner, put him on a high chair, slap)?
"A parent should be a leader, an authority"
Vladimir Smirnov, 30 years old, father of two children
I bring up children quite strictly, so I periodically punish children for their faults. This does not mean that I am a house tyrant who beats up my own children. But they should know that the parent is in charge, it is impossible for him to sit on his neck. You should never lose credibility in the eyes of your child. At the age of three, the kids begin a kind of “riot”: they roar, throw tantrums in public places and shops, try to manipulate. I remember my son fell to the floor in the store and was hysterical, demanding that I buy him a toy. I warned that I would punish for this behavior. He kept his word: at home he stood in the corner for half an hour. I can spank on the ass, but of course, a little. But now he knows that his father's word is law, and that I keep my word.
I have the same attitude towards my daughter, only I punish her more gently and naturally without spanking, she is still a girl.
Now my children are 10 and 12 years old. “Methods of influence” have changed a little: I no longer put it in a corner, but sometimes I deprive a computer. And I do not regret at all that sometimes I have to punish them and put them in a corner: this is an effective way to achieve obedience in the shortest possible time.
“Children can obey their parents without punishment”
Tamara, 28, mother of two
To be honest, as a child, I sometimes got a strap on my bottom, and even as a child I promised myself that I would never punish my children in this way (to beat or not to beat a child is the consequences of physical punishment of children). But once I had to break my word: my 3-year-old son behaved ugly in the street, threw stones at people passing by. I told him to stop, but he didn't obey. I got wildly angry, grabbed him by the jacket, dragged him home and spanked him, and then put him in a corner. After that I was greatly tormented by remorse, I was very ashamed. I realized that I had not kept my word to myself, that I had not changed the situation, only spoiled my mood, ruffled my nerves both for myself and for the baby. And I again promised myself not to do this again and I still manage.
Now my daughter is 3 years old, and I do not put her in a corner, much less spank her: if she starts to be capricious, I try to interest her in something, distract her. I say something like: “Oh, look what kind of dog is running there! Let's go and see her. ” It can be difficult to control myself when the child becomes completely uncontrollable, but I try to find an approach, and I cope. Children will love, obey and respect their parents even without punishment.
Lena Danilyuk tells how to punish a child correctly and maintain friendly and trusting relationships with her child. 8 ways to punish a child without breaking his psyche:
Elena Ostrovskaya, psychologist, leader of child-parent groups
Punishment is not such a terrible thing as people think: sometimes it is necessary for raising a baby. But they apply to children over three years old (rather for children 5 years old and older). And you cannot punish just like that, because of a bad mood. Punishment follows a serious misconduct, violation of some rules. The child must know: there is a clear and undeniable system of rules (these rules must be understandable for the child and agreed in advance). If he violates them, then the parent has the right to take measures. Discuss with your baby what you think is inappropriate in his behavior. No threats or scandals. You need to punish by depriving the child of something good, and not doing something bad to the child.
But here's the thing: at the age of three, the child will not understand what rules you are talking about. And the very situations when he misbehaves can be divided into two groups:
- He is still too young and his whims are not a desire to piss off his parents, but rather a cry for help. He's probably tired, overwhelmed or unable to cope with a task.
- There is another option - through his hysteria, the child tries to defend his own boundaries, to defend his interests and values.
When you spank a 3-year-old, you inform him that domestic violence is the norm. And that he may not expect help from his parents. We send to the corner - it means we refuse to make contact. The kid begins to feel a lack of care and love, withdraws into himself. This threatens with psychological problems in the future.
Imagine what a child feels then: he is abandoned, not loved, bad ...
But parents should not forget about themselves. Tell the child: "We respect you, but you must respect us." That is, bad behavior cannot be ignored. If the kid throws stones at passers-by, you need to take the child aside and remind you of the existing rules, say that he interferes with you and the people around him. Also, do not fall for manipulation when buying toys and chocolates. Naturally, the baby will cry, freak out and protest, because you are drawing a line that he cannot cross. Stand your ground, but do it without aggression or anger. Do not dismiss your child, he really needs your support.
READ ALSO ON THE TOPIC OF PUNISHING CHILDREN
- To punish a child for accidental misconduct or not? - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/nakazyivat-ili-net-rebenka-za-sluchaynyie-prostupki.html
- What should a parent not do when a child is unbearable? - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/chto-nelzya-delat-roditelyam-kogda-rebenok-vedet-sebya-nevyinosimo.html
- Why you can't spank a child - 6 reasons - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/pochemu-nelzya-shlepat-rebenka-6-prichin.html
- How to raise children: with a stick or a carrot? - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/stil-vospitaniya-rebenka-knut-ili-pryanik.html
- 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/8-loyalnyih-sposobov-nakazaniya-detey-kak-pravilno-nakazyivat-detey-za-neposlushanie.html
- 7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/7-grubyih-oshibok-roditeley-vo-vremya-ssor-s-detmi.html
- How you can not punish a child - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/kak-nelzya-nakazyivat-rebenka.html
Video consultation of psychologist Dmitry Korpachev: how to properly punish a child. Why can't you hit children
Opinions of moms from forums
The spelling and punctuation of the authors are preserved.
Svetlana: I do not punish my children until there is simply no reason, I do not consider pranks. I personally experienced the cruelty of my mother, who, with or without reason, beat us in black. She could drag her legs with her hair, and that was her daughters. Bottom line: our children's souls were traumatized, we had practically no childhood, we were madly envious of other children whom mothers caressed, did not beat and who were like friends to their children. There is hatred towards the mother, resentment does not pass and there is no desire to communicate with her now. But this does not mean that I have spoiled and ill-mannered children, they just know that I might not like it. My daughter is in grade 3, she came and speaks. “I know mom that you will not be happy” and… .. yes, I talked with her for a long time, but I didn’t read lectures, I just talked, and my son is generally very attached to me. I bring up one, without a husband.
Ossa: What kind of punishment can we talk about in general, and small children in particular? We often get angry with children because of their actions that are aimed at understanding the world (he is a child - it is not his fault that he does not know what is good and what is bad!). And over time, we still do not have the strength to first understand the child, then find time to study with him. It's easier, of course, to press it against the nail (on a soft spot or on a gray matter - it doesn't matter). When he grows up and will answer ... Punishment is punishment, but you want understanding ...
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Elena: Children must be punished. Only now the punishments are different, and this is not necessarily a spanking or shouting. When a child deliberately does what his parents forbid him, he should be punished. If the parents engage in connivance in the future, the child will be punished by society. Just the question of how to punish depends on the child, his temperament. An educational conversation will be enough for one, but it will not reach the other without a slap on the ass.
jackson: Children should not be punished, but educated, while not forgetting to thoroughly explain what is good and what is bad, and preferably with personal examples. The punishment is the usual retribution for disobedience, but you are not raising slaves from your children. So, only education by word and personal example
Inga:I just want to write that I am an ideal mother who never spanks a child. And that I have an ideal child who does not provoke me to this spanking)))) I will not write, because it is not true. It happens sometimes, I break off, slap on the priest and yell at my “electric broom”. Then I always suffer from my conscience, because I know that this is impossible. But sometimes it helps ...
Although it is better to do without it, if possible. It is better sometimes to go to another room myself, let off steam, switch to something else.
Inna135: My opinion is that a child should be punished at such a small age, only if the child does something dangerous to life and health, or has already done, so that he understands that this should not be done. In other cases, you just need to talk more and explain everything to the baby.
