Many young parents think that the baby period is the most difficult and difficult, because a tiny creature cannot say anything, but only cries if something bothers him. That's when he grows up ... Do not flatter yourself! There will be other problems that moms and dads do not even know about now. To be fully armed, read the advice of psychologists.
Children grow up quickly. Already the baby walks, talks, knows how to do a lot on his own. The child is already out of infancy, but continues to whims and tantrums? Your child does not obey and does spite, deceives, deliberately breaks toys and falls with tears on the floor in the store, demanding to buy something? Parents are at a loss for this behavior. What to do? How to react? How to turn a naughty child into a well-bred gentle angel? The main thing is patience. Tears of despair come to my eyes, and even if a hand in despair reaches for the belt, psychologists do not recommend using physical punishment. But coping with a baby is not so difficult if you know some secrets. Now let's talk about them.
Listen actively
Julia Gippenreiter, Doctor of Psychology, Professor, explains to her parents what it means to actively listen. The specialist is sure that if a child is possessed by negative emotions, if he experiences pain, shame, fear, fatigue, resentment, something does not work out for him, injustice or rudeness has been shown to the child, adults must make it clear that they understand his condition. Parents definitely need to talk to the baby and name the feelings and experiences that the baby feels.
Julia Borisovna Gippenreiter: “In all cases when a child is upset, offended, failed, when he is hurt, ashamed, scared, when he was treated rudely or unfairly, and even when he is very tired, the first thing to do is to let him know that you know about his experience (or state), “hear” it. To do this, it is best to say what exactly, in your impression, the child is feeling now. It is advisable to call "by name" this his feeling or experience. "
This recommendation is suitable for those situations when the little man cannot take control of the negative emotions that have possessed him. Many are familiar with a similar situation: a boy of 4 - 5 years old does not want to give up his car to his little brother and shouts at him. And to his parents, who are trying to shame him for such behavior, he says: "It would be better if he weren't!" Adults should be patient and say: “I understand your condition, you are angry, because you yourself wanted to play with your favorite car, so you are angry with your brother and don’t want to share with him”. The child sees that adults understand his feelings and, most likely, will calmly begin to speak, after which it will be easy to find the right way out of the situation with him.
Hug children more often
This is strongly recommended by both child and adult psychologists. Cuddling releases the hormone oxytocin, which fights stress, improves brain function and helps a person feel more confident. Experts say that during a hug, a child is, as it were, in a “parental cocoon,” where he is protected, and resentment, anger and despair recede.
Lyudmila Petranovskaya: “Hugs give a feeling of security, it is a universal way of containment: hugging your child, you act as a kind of cocoon in which you can safely“ digest ”anger, resentment or despair.”
Evaluate the actions, not the child
It is unlikely that any parent wants to inflict psychological trauma on their child. That is why it is worth once and for all to forget the phrases “you are a bad girl,” “we don’t need such a boy,” “well, you’re stupid,” etc. Psychologists advise talking with children about the inadmissibility of actions and explain what the consequences may be. For example: “You hit the cat, and this is very bad, because it hurts, you cannot offend the animals”. Praise the child should also be correct. Did he handle a complicated constructor? Wonderful! But instead of "what a fine fellow you are!" psychologists recommend admiring the height of the structure and the complexity of the work.
Express your grievances correctly
What does this mean in practice? Consider a situation: a mom is upset about a child's behavior. What then do parents say most often? "You made me angry, upset." These phrases force the baby to defend themselves, which only exacerbates the situation. Psychologist Yulia Vasilkina recommends that parents talk about their feelings: “I am angry”, “I worry when you…”. Such communication is much more effective for the child, because there is no insult or accusation in such phrases. However, parents should not be manipulative or pretending to be worried or unhappy about a minor offense.
Yulia Vasilkina writes: “Sometimes parents consider it wrong to tell a child:“ I got angry ”or“ I got upset when you ... ”. No, the parent often blames: "You made me angry, you upset me." This position makes the child defend himself. "
Play, don't order
Tired of reminding your child to put away toys, and going out for a walk takes an hour and a half? Try not to order, but to turn cleaning or collecting into a game. Psychologists advise making a list of things to do in sequence while cleaning or getting ready for a walk. The list should be hung in a conspicuous place so that the kid can tick the boxes, marking what has been done. Such a list can be in the form of pictures when he does not know how to read yet. Children can compete in speed at the same time), and at the end of the week receives a small reward.
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Video consultation: teacher of the Voronezh Waldorf school "Rainbow", 7th grade teacher Anastasia Vladimirovna Eliseeva answers the question of what to do if the child does not obey
