The story of a mother who had to make a difficult choice between two children and her husband, who often showed cruelty to them. What was the reason for the terrible attitude towards daughter and son.
I decided to write this story six months after my divorce from my husband. This is such a cry from the heart from a woman who had to choose between her beloved man and two children. I, as many would have done in my place, gave preference to my daughter and son.
Birth of babies
So I got married at 21. My husband, Arseny, works as a paramedic in an ambulance. The wedding was modest, not crowded, because my husband's mother wished so much for all Russia (you see, her blood pressure rose from the noise and tachycardia developed). Even then, I should have drawn attention to her significant superiority and desire to lead within our family. But all the flaws of my mother were blocked by my love for the Sena.
A year later, I had twins - daughter Vika and son Igor. I was in seventh heaven. The kids were strong, healthy, well-fed. After that, weekdays began, completely dedicated to kids.
I confess it was very difficult for me. The husband almost always disappeared at work, and in his free time, as he himself said, "took a rest". The twins were very noisy, moody. I hardly slept. Fortunately, my husband's mother helped me a little with them. Well, how she helped - she came to visit us and immediately established her own rules. “Why are the children lying on the bed, and not on ironed and steamed diapers, where there is sterility, take off their diapers and put them on when you cleaned up for the last time,” she said. I obediently listened to everything and agreed, because I really wanted to go to the kingdom of Morpheus for at least an hour, while my mother-in-law was walking with Vika and Igor.
The first manifestation of aggression towards children by the Pope
Months passed, the kids grew, and it became more and more difficult for me. Pope still did not pay any attention to them, citing fatigue. By about 11 months, when the children began to walk and examine meter by meter, looking into every nook and cranny and dropping everything on the floor, I noticed some irritability behind my husband. It seemed to me that at some point he wanted to shout out something, to shout at the kids, but every time he restrained himself. Previously, this was not noticed behind him, or maybe I just didn't have enough time to pay attention to it?
But at one point, the spouse's calmness ended. When Vika once again reached into the chest of drawers and began to take out everything that came to hand, her husband came up, grabbed her hand and threw her onto the bed. Then he punished Igor in such a harsh way, when he turned over a bowl of fruit. Arseny went up to him and shouted loudly, then hit him on the butt and pushed him out of the room. And this is when the children were barely 1 year old.
Naturally, at that moment I could not remain silent, and we had a strong fight. With screams and hard-hitting words addressed to me, he slammed the door and went to my mother. I will not go into details and talk about what words I heard in the telephone receiver from my mother-in-law. Honestly, at that moment I learned a lot about myself, and deep knowledge of my beloved mother-in-law's selected Russian mat was fully revealed. But I did not remain silent either. The insults drove me into a rage. I said everything I think about her and her son, and then hung up.
Arseny was not at home for 2 days. Then he called, offered to meet in a cafe, and "float" the children to mom. On that day, we made up, but on the condition that he no longer raise his hand against the children, shout, and his mother will call me names. He swore an oath that this would not happen again.
And again he, each time gritting his teeth, looked at the pampering of the children. Honestly, in my opinion, there could be no reason for irritability, because these are ordinary children's pranks inherent in every child - throwing toys, crying, pulling the cat by the tail, etc. This time Arseny was enough for a long time. I have come to terms with the fact that he does not want to pay attention to the kids. “Oh, okay, maybe it's not time yet, they will grow up, and then we'll see,” I reassured myself.
When the kids were 3 years old, I again saw my husband's aggression towards Vika. I noticed this by chance when I came from the store. My husband yelled at his daughter so much that he didn't even hear how I opened the door with the key. Looking out of the corner, I saw him grab her and start shaking her with all his might. I realized that in my absence this could happen all the time. And again a scandal, leaving to my mother, a call from my mother-in-law with an impartial speech.
The reason for her husband's cruelty
After 2 days, he again invited me to talk. I refused. In the evening he came home drunk. The children were already asleep. He fell at my feet and in tears began to beg that I listen to him.
We went to the kitchen. After 30 drops of Corvalol, he calmed down and began to tell me terrible things. I found out that his mother beat him all his childhood (with everything that came to hand). Also her favorite thing was the "game of silence". She could not talk to Arseny for several days because he received a "C" in mathematics or did not finish his soup.
By the age of 13, according to Arseny, he still continued to be with his mother. Peers mocked him, calling him "mother's son." At 14, when ordinary children were approaching puberty and hormones were raging, Arseny continued to follow her everywhere. He was constantly afraid to do something wrong so that his mother would not be offended, would not punish him and would not stop talking. The boy had no friends, and there was no need to talk about friendship with the girl.
And where was Arseny's dad all this time?
The husband left his mother-in-law when Arseny was 3 years old. The father did not forget about his son, he came to him on weekends and on holidays. According to Arseniy, the parents were constantly cursing. The father kept repeating that she was making a rag out of her son, that she was numbing him. Each such scandal ended with the words of the pope: "I will take him to me anyway."
At the age of 15, Arseny decided to go to his father. Without asking his mother, he hastily packed his things and left. He did not live there for long. The mother reported the abduction to the police. Arseny returned home. But the father did not remain silent. He filed a counterclaim in court, where he asked to give his son the opportunity to choose who he wants to live with. Then it was decided that Arseny could visit his father whenever he wanted. And he wanted to live only with his dad.
The father-in-law managed, as he said, at least a little to blind a "man" from Senya. At the age of 17, he even met a girl at the institute and struck up a relationship with her. Mother, of course, was against it, but my father kept repeating: "Just ignore her and live your life, you are already an adult."
Arseny did just that. Over the years, the mother got used to her son's behavior. At the age of 20, he brought me to her apartment. I remember her reaction: gritting her teeth, she smiled and offered me tea.
We saw each other very rarely. Only when Vika and Igor were born, she began to appear in our apartment much more often.
To be honest, I didn't know anything about my husband's childhood and youth. Only now I understand that I had to ask, learn more about my spouse, or just talk, because almost all psychological trauma comes to us from childhood.
Dad passed away when Arseny turned 25. If he knew how his son treats his children, he would surely have guided him on the right path.
What's next?
I calmly listened to Arseny and, naturally, felt sorry for him and forgave him. He blamed his mother for all sins, and I didn't really love her either. So we made up. And again oath promises, and again all gritting their teeth.
And then I realized that I had made a mistake. I don't know what moved my spouse. He directly spewed hatred. It seems that he had a disgust for his own children. Maybe it's all the fault of how his mother treated him, or maybe he wanted to win back on Igor and Vika? I do not know.
At that moment I began to scroll through the moments of the past. And were there any manifestations of dislike for babies when they were born? Yes. I was just so absorbed in caring for them that I did not notice it. After all, he practically did not approach them, did not rock them, did not change diapers. He was terribly annoyed when they began to cry. He constantly booted that it would be better if we had one child, not two.
I missed it. Apparently, she thought that it was hard for Sena, he also works in shifts, does not get enough sleep. And, it turns out, even then, a dislike arose within him, hatred of children and fatigue played far from the main role here.
His cruelty and dislike were confirmed when I again unexpectedly entered the apartment. He yelled at the twins again. The children were frightened, tear-stained, and fragments of a vase lay on the floor. After that moment, he stopped talking to them and generally paying attention. Arseny pretended that children did not exist. It was so painful for me to watch when Vika approached her dad, and he pushed her away, when Igorok brought the typewriter, and he threw it on the floor.
My mother's heart could not stand it when, with Vicki's next mistake (she dropped a bowl of soup on the floor), he got up, grabbed her daughter by the hand, threw her on the floor and began poking her face into the potatoes and rice scattered on the floor.
I was speechless from indignation. Running up to my husband, I took him by the shirt and began to shake. Arseny froze in surprise in surprise. Then I hit him on the cheek and told him to get out of my apartment. And again pleas for forgiveness, oath promises, accusations of my mother (pressed on pity). But I remained unshakable. Arseny took the purse and left. After 10 minutes the bell rang. Naturally, I did not pick up the phone. I didn't want to hear new things about myself again.
We lived quietly for 3 days. I even liked it. No anger, tension, worries. The kids and I had a great time. By the way, neither Vika nor Igoryok ever asked where their dad had gone.
On the 4th day of Arseny's absence, the doorbell rang. I expected my spouse to appear, but I didn't even know what he would do. I thought that he would come again with flowers, start begging for forgiveness. But no. He flew into the apartment TOGETHER WITH MOTHER and said: "I'm behind things." They both scoured the room and, slowly and carefully, put clothes in Arseny's bag. Probably, they expected me to start a conversation, or start begging my husband for forgiveness.
In the meantime, I endured and prayed to God that they would leave as soon as possible. I did not want to disturb the peace of my little ones. Fortunately, neither the mother-in-law nor the spouse even remembered the children.
It's been six months already. Arseny did not appear. Mother called three times and even asked how Vika and Igor were, but not hearing an answer, she rattled off something like “as always, they yell and throw things around the apartment”. I “kindly” asked not to call here again and not to remember the way to my house. I didn't forget to tell her about what her son told me then in the kitchen. Also, in my words, there was often an accusation that it was the mother-in-law who was to blame for the cruelty of her son. Fair? It became much easier for me when I spoke out.
Mom in the course of the conversation (rather, a monologue on my part) was slightly shocked. I knew it from the heavy breathing. Perhaps she was even crying. I do not know. I do not care anymore. But I am sure of one thing: I will never let Arseny and the mother-in-law to my children again and will do everything for this.
I can say with confidence that the mother will again keep her son near her and do everything to prevent him from building a family. What a pity his father left so early. I think he would have played a role in this story and, perhaps, the family could have been saved. But Arseny preferred to follow his mother's lead again.
Yes, I do not exclude my own guilt. I was so immersed in the children that I never talked to my husband about his childhood, relationship with his parents, but he was in no hurry to tell me about it. In any case, children have nothing to do with it. I do not want them to pay for the sins of their grandmother, their father, or become like them.
