Going to work after maternity leave: how to do it easily in order to save your nerves and not injure your child. How to combine work and household issues.
Many young mothers are forced to go to work after maternity leave when the child turns three or even much earlier. It is difficult to understand why, in this case, you have to worry more: due to the fact that during the decree, the brain has completely rebuilt to children's cartoons and songs, or because it is difficult to leave the baby even for several hours. How to get out of maternity leave without causing moral injury to the child?
How to properly and gently prepare your child
Often mothers acutely perceive the need to leave the baby without their care, worry about the psychological balance of the baby. Here are some helpful tips to help you gradually prepare your child and prepare yourself:
- A few months before the end of maternity leave, start leaving your child with someone - nanny, grandmother, girlfriend, send them for a walk. Thus, the child will realize that the mother may not be there, but she always comes back;
- It will be correct to start going to kindergarten three to four months before going to work. You should also get used to it gradually. Adaptation will be favorable if you first walk in the morning for 2 hours, then for half a day, and only after that stay for the whole day;
- If you can't get a job in kindergarten at the right time, then you should think in advance with whom the baby will be, negotiate with a grandmother or nanny. The habit of babysitting should be gradual, in your presence. Firstly, the child will see that you trust this person, which means he can also trust. And secondly, you will have time to “test” the nanny and understand in time whether she is suitable for your child;
- It is not recommended to leave home in secret, even if you think that it is easier for the child to get over the separation. Yes, this way, when someone distracts the baby, and the mother quietly slips out the door, avoids tears when parting, but does not solve the problem. It is better to say goodbye to the child, to remind each time that you love him very much and will definitely return.
Whether it is worth promising a baby a gift for good behavior without a mother is a question that is decided separately in each family. But, nevertheless, it is worth thinking carefully: your absence is vital, and this is not for one year. Remember that being rewarded for your daily household chores can lead to problems in the future. A child who gets used to waiting for his mother, brushing his teeth, cleaning toys, etc. for some kind of "fee" may refuse to do anything just like that, without bonuses in the future.
How to prepare yourself for a new life
- First of all, stop beating yourself up for going to work and leaving the crumb without care. Let go of your guilt. A child is a separate person. And in any case, someday it will be necessary to "tear" him away from himself. It is fundamentally wrong to blame yourself for striving to provide a prosperous life for your family. It is better not to be tormented by children's tears when you leave for work, but to plan a joint weekend, find time for your baby in the evenings, and read bedtime stories to him;
- If possible, try to go to work part-time in the first weeks after maternity leave. So the baby can gradually get used to the fact that you are leaving for work;
- Sometimes the profession allows you to perform work duties at home. And this becomes an excellent way out of the situation. But don't think it's easy to juggle childcare and work from home. The kid will be capricious, demand attention, and you will rush from the child to work and get deadly tired. In addition, there will be household chores that you will also complete in full. And relatives usually believe that if a mother works at home, then everything will be in time and she will do everything herself ("You still work at home, well, you always have time to clean / wash"). Each family, of course, is different, so it is good if other family members take on at least some of the household chores;
- Having made the decision to work from home, try to find an assistant who will take care of the baby - walking, playing, driving to class.
How to combine everyday issues with a work schedule
Being a mom is a round-the-clock “work”, without rest and breaks. And then professional responsibilities are added. After maternity leave, many mothers have a hard time keeping up with everything and everywhere. You need to think in advance about the distribution of everyday tasks with relatives in order to save your own nerves.
- Ideally, if at least one of the grandmothers lives nearby and is ready to help with her grandson, or come to cook food once every few days - this is already a tangible relief. If the husband can also vacuum the apartment and periodically wash the dishes, then the help of relatives will be invaluable. Before going to work, you need to gather family members and calmly explain to them that you are very tired while the baby is so small and requires a lot of attention;
- Before starting kindergarten, start accustoming your child to the new routine. Find out in the garden what time the children eat, sleep. Thus, subsequently, children's tears and whims in the morning will not force you to be late;
- If the financial side allows, then find yourself an assistant. Let there be a person who can perform general cleaning at least once a month. And you will have free time for your family;
- Make it a tradition to organize a family event every one or two weeks, a joint walk, a movie trip, etc. It is important for both the baby and other family members to see your presence.
Treat coming out of maternity leave as a necessary life stage. Many people have to go through this. Therefore, your head is taller, no feeling of guilt - you do not give up your blood, but on the contrary, you care about development and a prosperous life.
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Elena Kalna-Danilyuk is a mother of three children, psychologist, trainer, psychotherapist, specialist in family and child psychology. To work after maternity leave: how to do everything and be a good mom
