Why selfish mothers guarantee their child a happy future

An egoistic mother who devotes time to herself, does not give up her personal life and hobbies, is more likely to raise a happy child and give him a real childhood than a mother who forgets about herself and gives all of herself to the child. There is no point in living for the sake of children: selfish mothers guarantee the child a happy future ...

“Do not bring up children - it’s useless, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. " English proverb

We live in a society centered around the interests and needs of the child. It often becomes the absolute - and only - the meaning of the family's existence. Surprisingly, many mothers sincerely believe that becoming attendants for their own child will make him happier. On the "altar of upbringing" is the relationship with the husband ... and indeed any relationship that does not go "for the future" of the little tyrant. To a tyrant - because it is impossible to educate a calm and self-confident person with such methods.

Immediately after giving birth, a woman's life makes sense. She becomes a mother, a permanent guardian, an extension of her child. She no longer has a right to personal space and time. So say "good mothers" who act to their own detriment if the interests of the child require it. Good mothers live for their children. And then they complain about their lack of independence.

All parents try to give their children what they themselves were deprived of in childhood. Some try to "compensate" for their own failure at the expense of the child. They either forget to ask him about desires, or, conversely, they fanatically fulfill them. As a result, there is only mutual discontent and resentment. The child is rebelling, demanding more and more attention and investment. Professional motherfuckers argue that it will get easier over time. But the situation as the offspring grows up only gets worse, until it ends with an angry: "And who asked me to give birth!" Heroic dedication has not benefited anyone yet.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky:
"If the meaning of your life is in another person, then your own life has no meaning."

And he's right. When a child becomes the center of the universe, around which all relatives revolve, he grows up to be a real egoist. The desires of others are alien to him, because he is the main one!

What to do? We must not stop living for ourselves. No, do not give up on the child, as many "correct" mothers might think. We must value ourselves and live in joy. This will seem selfish towards the child. But who needs your sacrifices? As practice shows - no one.

We are talking about healthy egoism, priority and values. If a mother knows how to be happy and happy, children will learn to be happy.

Quotes from popular books

The book by L. Petranovskaya "If it is difficult with a child": "time-outs" during the day, regular rest (a visit to the cinema or lunch with a friend) and mini-trips are necessary in order to have the strength not to break down on children.

Anna Bykova's book "Lazy Mom": every mother should learn how to get comfortable with embroidery on the windowsill or "shake out" the negative to music. For the benefit of the whole family!

Book P. Druckerman, "French children do not spit food." Druckerman sings a whole ode to French women who go to work 2 months after giving birth, sleep at night and look after their appearance!

Nobody calls to leave the baby in the care of the grandmother and go to the clubs! It's just about how, being a mother, not to lose yourself as a person - that is, about healthy egoism.

What selfish mothers don't do

Mothers who are "selfish" never:

Do not allow overprotection. Keeping track of your baby's every step, afraid to go to the toilet, is not only tiring, but also unproductive. The mother is exhausted, and the child does not learn to be independent. It's easier to let him crawl and play himself, securing the space around.
Do not seek out diseases. On the contrary, “Mother Mother” likes to catch sympathetic glances, to be nervous and to drag the child to paid specialists with or without reason. "He is one year old, but he does not read poetry!", "Everyone walks, but he does not - run to the orthopedist!" And be sure to pay.
They do not buy branded things with their last money. The child will grow out of them as quickly as out of ordinary ones.
Doesn't get hung up on "razvishki". It is difficult to disagree with psychologist Anna Bykova: a child needs games and communication with his mother more than the ability to read at 2.5 years of age and classes in a circle for young composers. And for this you do not need to go to the end of the world, spending a lot of energy.
Doesn't act to the detriment of itself With red eyes from lack of sleep and hungry, she will not go with a stroller to the park. For such cases, there is a balcony, also with fresh air! While the baby sleeps there, she will take a nap and have a quiet lunch.
Does not extinguish independence in children. Never demean the personality of a child in the upbringing process. Give your baby the right to choose. At any age, let him do what he likes. Of course, with my mother's help, it will turn out much better. But help only when asked.
Doesn't feel guilty. Remember, guilt won't change anything. There is no point in suffering that you had to go to work and send your baby to kindergarten. Instead, try to be really with your child, rather than chatting on the phone while walking. You don't have to worry about your child all the time while at work. You are not only a mother, but also a colleague, friend, wife.

Parents who do not have their own happiness desperately want their children to be happy. But you don't need a “helpful mother” to be happy. You need an adequate, confident and calm person. A selfish woman who takes care of herself and remembers that a family is not only a child. It's not about giving up on education, but about how not to lose yourself in the decree. Healthy egoism means the right priorities and values.

What selfish mothers do

Selfish mother:

Chooses breastfeeding. She understands breastfeeding is primarily convenient. The kid cried at night - chest; ill - chest; I want to lie down, and the child screams - chest! No need to get up in the middle of the night, sterilize bottles, dilute the mixture. And economically, whatever you say! But if breastfeeding didn't work out - never blame yourself.
Takes care of himself. This is primarily about basic needs: to have lunch on time, take a shower and get a good night's sleep. A manicure, a hairdresser, coffee with a girlfriend is also a must.
Accepts help from loved ones. First of all, my husband. Dad is not an element of decor in the house. He will be able to change the child's diaper, buy groceries, pick up older children from school. An extra blouse and hat worn by a grandmother for a child are not so scary. And grandmothers will certainly be able to play nice with the child as well as the mother herself.
Remembers her husband. The husband also wants attention and care from the woman. You don't have to cook a three-course meal to please your loved one. Sometimes it's enough to talk, hug and be together.
Has a hobby. For some it is a hobby, while for others it is freelancing for the soul, which takes a couple of hours a day. An "egoist" will never lose herself on maternity leave. It doesn't matter what exactly you do, the main thing is that you like it.
Engaged in professional activities. Attends courses, seminars.
Sometimes it turns on the "lazy mom" mode. You can't change all the cases. No need to clean the apartment to shine, falling from fatigue. Collecting toys several times a day is also a waste of time. Distribute household chores among all family members, including children.
One day off is the law! Dedicate at least one day a month only to yourself. Put everything aside, take the children to grandmothers and allow yourself to do what you want. By the way, every adult member of the family needs such a reboot.

The selfish mother is happy, appreciates herself and enjoys every day, since she has interests and hobbies besides the child. She enjoys life, instead of accumulating discontent and resentment against family members. And so her husband and children are happy.

What does the child get

All children are empaths; they read parental emotions and model behavior based on them. If the mother is happy, giving herself little joy, the children will also learn to be happy.

Psychologists say: if a woman devotes all her time to a child, it is very harmful and even dangerous, primarily for the child himself. A child who is accustomed to the fact that his mother is constantly next to him (dad, grandmother, grandfather, any parent), fully involved in his affairs, will never be independent. Moreover, he will not learn to empathize, be attentive to others and notice their needs.

The process of raising and educating children is not limited to a fashionable school and the number of clubs. It is much more important to teach a child to make an informed choice, to teach him to be self-confident. Let the "right" mothers consider you selfish. It is better to be like this than to demand from the child all his life to repay debts that he did not take and did not ask to give him.

Not limited in games and space and not burdened with overprotection, children of “selfish” mothers develop faster and communicate better with their peers. They do not require constant return: “I took you to gymnastics for six months, and you didn’t become Alina Kabaeva!”. They are confident in themselves: their mother accepts them for who they are, free in their choice of hobbies and life path.

Finally, these children have childhoods. An “egoist” mother who knows how to replenish life balance and take care of herself will never whine in the presence of a child. And at 3 years old he will not become a small adult, taking care of her.