It is common for young children to cry, but the main question is how long it can last. This habit depends both on the characteristics of the child's temperament and other factors, as well as on upbringing, parents' understanding of the essence of the problem and other characteristics. If the baby is constantly naughty, and it is difficult to calm him down, it is worth thinking about what is being done wrong. The most common reason for crying in the smallest is pain, in particular, pain during teething.
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It is not necessary to consider infants and newborns in a specific case, because they cry to inform their parents about the need to eat, discomfort. After reading this article, you will find out why the "big" baby often cries, how to calm him down.
Misunderstanding on the part of parents
A very common reason why a child cries is the banal lack of a "correct" response from the parents. Almost always, this phenomenon hides some kind of message to others - it is not there unless you accidentally caught the baby crying, and he did not even suspect that someone might notice him.
It so happens that unsuccessful attempts to calm down only provoke the baby even more, but the parents simply do not understand this. There are several common parenting misconceptions, the simple rejection of which, in some cases, in itself can give the desired result.
Babies who are able to throw tantrums for no reason do occur, but in fact, their percentage is relatively small. Usually the root of evil lies in a simple difference in attitudes towards a situation. Adults almost never cry - a really good reason is needed for this, which happens quite rarely. Children are another matter.
In children, the emotional background is much higher than in adults, which is largely due to their inability to defend themselves. This means that for them many problems seem insoluble, even if mom and dad can fix the situation very quickly.
In addition, children have strong emotional attachments to various things. For them, the loss of their favorite toy is tantamount to the tragedy of their whole life, but this does not mean that the child is bad - he is just still small. He easily gets upset, but also quickly returns to a cheerful mood - this is his age feature. No need to shout at him or threaten him, because it will become for him another unsolvable problem.
Is the lack of tears an indicator of courage?
If a girl can still roar, then a man - in no case. Many people think so. And it does not matter at all that in no other situation will parents call their preschooler son a man until he becomes at least a teenager. This is what the child gets used to from childhood. Others may just get bored with his noisy behavior.
At the same time, many modern experts believe that the low average life expectancy of men around the world is due precisely to the fact that they do not cry. Crying is such a natural mechanism for releasing negative energy.... If a woman (even an adult) is able to “discharge” at any moment, then a real harsh man will definitely leave this negative in himself - he was brought up that way. All this accumulates in the body and creates an additional load on the psyche, and as a result contributes to the early deterioration of the nervous system.
Children tend to cry regardless of gender. Perhaps a crying bearded bodybuilder really looks rather strange, but even he can have his own reasons, and at preschool age, it is all the more permissible for a boy to cry, unless he really does it for no reason. If you want to reassure - explain why his problems are easily solved and not worthy of tears, but the inability to cry simply because he is a man is not an argument at all.
Will she cry and stop?
If you start from the fact that children shed tears just like that, then the most reasonable solution is not to pay attention to what is happening. It should be noted here that children never cry just like that. Another thing is that with hysterics they can try to achieve what they could never achieve with words - for example, beg for a new expensive toy. However, even in this case, it is advisable not to ignore this behavior, but to try to re-educate the baby.
If the child's tears do not have a manipulative component at all, then in no case should they be left unattended. In this case, message about a specific problem, which by the forces of the child himself cannot be solved, even if it seems simple to you. Ignore such treatment and you will cause psychological trauma to your child.
Main reasons
The problem of excessive baby crying cannot be solved without delving into the essence of its origin. In some cases, the cause can be very serious - for example, health problems that cause pain. Even if the baby can already speak, he is not always able to talk about it due to intense excitement or pain.
In addition, other problems are not excluded when the child is prone to crying due to the peculiarities of his psyche, not caused by specific external factors. It turns out that an overly crying child should be examined first - perhaps, not parents, but doctors should eliminate the cause.
It's another matter if you know for sure that he is healthy, or have noticed other signs indicating the causes of tantrums that are not related to health.
I want, but they don't give me
Actually, the most common reason for crying at a relatively "large" age is the desire to manipulate others. Children are much more cunning than you might think. They noticed long ago that as soon as they start crying, adults immediately start scurrying around them, striving to please the baby in everything. Many tend to use this for their own personal gain.
If a child asks for something, and with a calm refusal immediately breaks down into tears, then this is precisely manipulation.
However, do not think that little manipulators cannot develop a whole strategy - having received a refusal, they can even pretend to be sick, if only the parents would want to do everything possible for them.
It has been proven that babies know how to choose the tone of crying in such a way that it most intensely affects the surrounding adults, and some, at a conscious age, even train imperceptibly before asking for something. Such a baby does not just cry, but literally rolls over, and if you even once caught him pretending to be, then the essence of the problem has been found.
Slightly less common is another type of manipulation - intangible. The attention of parents is very important for a child, he will not be satisfied with the fact that you feed him, buy toys and clothes. He also wants simple communication, emotional contact., and much more so than adults. The latter, however, may not experience similar feelings only because they have many alternatives - family, friends, colleagues, but the child has only parents.
It's hard to be a kid
It is also important that adults no longer remember how difficult it is from the moral point of view to be children. Many do not cry, even if they break an arm or a leg, but everyone can remember how deafeningly they roared because of what they would now call a scratch. Having smashed your expensive favorite car, you grab your head and calculate the colossal losses, but all this happens without tears. And remember what a loss at one time it seemed like the breakdown of one ordinary toy out of those dozens that you had.
You know that you can earn money for a new car or doll in just an hour of work, that a scratched knee will definitely heal. The baby still does not have enough life experience to be sure of this - he perceives everything as an irrecoverable loss.
Some children are even more emotional than others at their age.... This may not be a deviation, just some people are more emotional as opposed to more calm. Such a baby simply perceives everything more acutely - both physical pain and emotional experiences.
This can be noticed by the fact that he cries not in strictly specific situations (when he wants something), but in any relatively suitable circumstances. Including - when many of his peers are already completely calm. Such a child can be easily identified by the general high emotionality - he is violently happy, often offended, easily forgives, may be deeply upset by things that are not worth such attention.
He can cry simply in order to attract attention to himself, and in this situation he does not need anything else - if only you are distracted from your affairs and become interested in him.
Psychological reasons
Often, the habit of crying has an exclusively psychological connotation. Many parents complain that the child cries when he wakes up, and the reason is usually elementary - the child had a bad dream. In such cases, the baby often cries during sleep, but does not wake up.
If crying at night is regular, you should see a psychologistbecause constant nightmares are also a huge problem. By the way, the likelihood of various pain or discomfort is not excluded, but the fact that you first need to be examined by doctors was mentioned at the beginning.
Children are also able to cry because of low self-esteem. This usually applies to those children who have already reached a fairly high level of thought (in particular, schoolchildren). They can already compare themselves to other children. If it seems to them that they are clearly losing to their peers somewhere, this can become a real personal tragedy.
Interestingly, some may feel sorry not so much for themselves as for their parents, who were supposedly unlucky with the child. And moms and dads also often warm up this point of view, constantly complaining - if only for the same tearfulness of the child (precisely in this formulation). At the same time, typical childish emotionality only aggravates the problem, completely closing the obvious truth from the little sufferer that he probably has some positive aspects. Even if his self-criticism is quite objective, not to mention the fact that many of his own shortcomings can be corrected on his own.
An unhealthy family environment is a common cause of crying in children. Unfortunately, these days there are not so many families where mutual love and friendship, at least respect, would really reign. On the contrary, constant quarrels are a completely typical phenomenon, and it is also good if adults quarrel strictly among themselves, really trying to protect children from their squabbles.
In fact, the kids still can't help but notice that something is wrong at home., and often mom and dad also take out anger at them, which leads to a lot of stress. First, the best method of throwing out negativity is crying, so everything is natural. Secondly, stress can so shatter an already not very stable child's psyche that it is just right to talk about its disorders, formed under the influence of the restless atmosphere at home. If the baby shudders and cries, this is already a sign of the seriousness of what is happening, the neglect of the situation and his elementary lack of confidence in himself and his future.
However, a negative situation can develop not only at home, but also in other social circles - in kindergarten, school, on the street. The skills of humanism are somewhat alien to most children, they do not yet understand how much they can offend another person, therefore they like to bully a weaker one - or someone who seems to them to be wrong.
The problem is especially aggravated if the child suffering from such antics is for some reason deprived of social communication skills and either does not have friends at all, or they (in comparison with conventional enemies) are extremely few. As a result, a clear skewed picture of the world is obtained, a decrease in self-esteem is possible (which, as already mentioned, can also be the cause of crying), and another resentment can make such a baby cry, which will only give the offenders another reason to convict him of weakness.
The inability to find a place in the team and make friends is the main reason why a child under the age of ten cries at the camp.
What cannot be done?
In an effort to wean a child from crying for any reason, the overwhelming majority of parents resort to methods that, perhaps, gag their baby's mouth, but can lead to even more serious problems. The advice of any adequate psychologist in this situation includes the strictest prohibition on certain types of behavior that the typical modern adult uses:
Screams, threats, and especially - physical violence
Even if you understand that the child is crying just to beg for something, it is not pedagogical to raise his voice or threaten to give the baby "to that uncle," and physical violence in any form is strictly prohibited.
For a small (albeit capricious) child, you are the only protection and support, even if in a rage he may out loud wish for other parents. By presenting yourself to him in the form of danger, you risk losing contact with him forever.
The kid will simply shut himself up in his inner world, and it's good if he doesn't form a point of view on screaming, threats and cruelty as the only way to achieve something in life.
Indifference
Regardless of whether the child is crying for a reasonable (at least for him) reason or just pretending, it is unacceptable to pretend that nothing is happening. First, if the problem really exists, you do not help in any way to solve it, and the small child has too few resources of his own in order to solve problems on his own.
Secondly, the baby may form the opinion that no one needs him - and you must admit that he is partly right. This can lead either to isolation and cooling of relations with parents, or to a decrease in self-esteem, while both results ultimately lead to the same tears, or even to much more global problems.
Statement of the inadmissibility of crying in general
In this case, it is usually implied that under the current conditions, no reason, even theoretically, can serve as a sufficient reason to cry. "You are already an adult", "you are a man" - these are not requirements to be an adult or a man, and a clear order to be iron... Even adults are rarely such, and children are even more so, but after hearing such arguments, they will try their best not to cry.
I do not want to let my parents down, nor to show myself from the supposedly worse side, even if the reason is good. As a result, the inability to throw away stress, the accumulation of which in the body will lead to a nervous breakdown. The child must independently reach the point that most problems are not worth tears, and it is possible to rush with the named phrases only when the child is already at least eight years old.
Girls can cry in adolescence - then point out to them that a real lady loses consciousness in an emergency, but almost never cries.
Fulfill absolutely any desires of a crying child
If you see that the hysteria is happening on purpose, in an attempt to dictate your own rules, do not try to accept the terms of the little terrorist, even if it seems like the easiest way to achieve silence.
First, once you show your child a way to influence you, you will never be able to stop him or effectively influence him. Secondly, knowing that it will work, the baby will become spoiled and will not even think about the fact that in order to fulfill his own desires, sometimes you need to do something or give something in return.
It is quite obvious that such a scheme will not work anywhere other than the parent's home, but it will be extremely difficult for a matured child to rebuild and learn to achieve the desired result from strangers who can easily say "no".
Recommendations for parents
If you are tired of listening to children's crying, but you want to calm the child not only effectively, but also so as not to harm his psyche, follow these simple tips and everything will work out:
- Don't cry, but tell me. Tears are a signal to an adult that there is a certain problem. Children know how to cry from birth, but they learn to speak later, so there is nothing surprising in the fact that at the first stages they use a simpler and better known method.
Explain to your baby that you cannot understand the reason for his tears precisely because he cries and speaks indistinctly. But if he clearly explains it in words, you will do everything to help.
- Set an example of calmness... A crying baby is unlikely to be able to calm down if in response to his "distress call" he gets a tantrum. If the problem is real, your peace of mind will be passed on to your child. In the event that this is an ordinary child's manipulation, the easiest way to stop it is to clearly show that it does not work on you.
- Distract... Since children perceive even minor problems as large-scale grief, it can be very difficult to logically convince them that the situation is not worth crying at all. Another thing is that the problem is really small, and children's memory has a short duration.
The kid gets upset easily, but also quickly departs - under the influence of something good. Speed up the process: offer to read a fairy tale to your child right now, or cut an apple for him.
- Understand and forgive... If the child is simply overly sensitive, do not scold him, but show that you still appreciate him. Firstly, sooner or later he will understand that he was at least lucky with his parents, and after all, sensitivity concerns not only negative emotions, but also positive ones. Secondly, this way he will become even more attached to you, noticing that you are one of the few who never makes him upset.
- Support in sorrow and in joy... If a one-time support simply allows you to experience an emotional outburst, then constant support makes a child more confident, but confident people do not cry. They quickly understand that everything can be overcome. In addition, it will also give the baby a useful skill of behavior in his future life.
- Explain why you shouldn't cry... Only not abstractly ("how can you, you're a man"), but in a certain way in each specific situation. The knee will heal, you are better than your offenders, instead of the broken then there will be other cars - and so on.
All this should be done in a calm atmosphere, without yelling, but at the same time - clearly and understandably even for a small child. Don't rely on your baby to learn it the first time. We'll have to repeat, but patience is the key to success.
- Come up with a reward for good behavior. This moment is rather difficult to calculate, because refusing to reward for crying will be perceived as punishment, and it has already been noted that you cannot punish babies for crying. It is worth using this method, perhaps, only with children who have reached a sufficiently conscious age - for example, with younger students who are already able to draw logical (and not far-fetched) conclusions.
- Think about whether the parents themselves are to blame for what is happening... Think - have you done everything to ensure that the baby has a happy childhood? Just evaluate from the point of view of a child - he does not understand the scale of your sacrifice in the form of two works at once. Perhaps he wants to simply communicate more with him. Perhaps he would even deliberately agree to go for a walk to the park by bus, rather than by car, so that the angry parents tired of two jobs would not quarrel every day.
There are many reasons for crying. It can be difficult for young parents to deal with baby crying and learn to understand their baby. We suggest watching a video about this below.
1. Instructions for the medical use of the medicine Kholisal®
There are contraindications. It is necessary to read the instructions or consult a specialist.
