The joint sleep of a child with parents has recently been increasingly practiced by young mothers and fathers. But one day there comes a moment when adults understand that it is time to transfer the child to their crib. Adults need their own space to sleep, and it's time for a child to get used to their own sleeping place. Everyone understands this, but they can't do anything - the child, accustomed from birth with a warm mother's side, categorically refuses to move out. Evgeny Komarovsky, a well-known pediatrician and author of articles and books on children's health, tells how to teach a child to sleep in his crib.
Sharing a dream - pros and cons
Sharing a dream with mom is biologically quite justified. Previously, women did not go to work, they took care of the family. Many centuries ago, no one thought about where to sleep for a newborn - he was always with his mother.
With the development of civilization, the view on this has changed somewhat. - parents realized that sex is needed not only for procreation, but also by itself, and in the morning dad and mom need to get up for work. It has become more convenient to lay the child separately.
Recently, many psychologists and neonatologists have argued that it is more natural for a child to sleep next to the parent. Thus, an invisible connection with her is maintained. As advantages, they point to a more stable emotional state of babies who sleep with their parents. However, it's even convenient for mom - you can breastfeed the baby at any time of the night, without getting out of bed. The kid does not cry - everything he needs is at hand.
This is where the benefits end. Evgeny Komarovsky claims that this benefit is generally exaggerated. But the disadvantages are quite tangible for everyone.
First, a mother can accidentally injure a child in a dream, crush him with her own weight. This does not happen often, it still has a place to be. Secondly, fathers often do not stand up, for whom there is no place left in the family bed. They move to the sofa or to the next room, and such a way of life, if it continues for a long time, most often leads to the breakdown of the family, to divorce, and to a deterioration in marital relations. So convincing advice from girlfriends and doctors to practice sleeping together ruined the lives of more than one family.
Mom, who is all the time next to the baby, sleeps with half an eye, responsive to every movement and squeak, and therefore does not actually get enough sleep. Fatigue builds up imperceptibly. Several months of such "lack of sleep" lead to serious consequences for the physical and mental health of the parent.
A baby who is accustomed to breastfeeding at night at any time needs to continue night feeds even after he is 6 months old (at an age where he biologically no longer needs night feeds). That is why the timid attempts of the mother to refuse to eat at night often lead to scandal, screams. The child pinches, knocks with his feet and hands on the exhausted parent and does not want to hear about anything that is contrary to his usual routine.
Whether to practice sleeping together or not is up to the parents to decide. If they are ready to sacrifice their nerves, their interests - no one forbids, if only all family members get enough sleep. If adults have their own plans for this life (in addition to raising a child), then it is better not to start sleeping with the child.
Not a single scientist in any field of knowledge has yet been able to convincingly prove or disprove the benefits of sleeping together, which means that all the statements of psychologists that children who slept with their mother before school are more confident, successful, calm, do not correspond to the truth. However, the assertions of opponents of joint sleep that the nights spent in a separate crib teach the child to be independent from the cradle are also not confirmed by anything.
A separate question is at what age you should stop sleeping together, if it takes place. Most often, pediatricians say that this needs to be done up to a year, since it will be much more difficult to transfer the child to a separate bed at a year and a half.
How to wean sleep with parents?
If it so happened that the baby is used to sleeping with his parents, then mom and dad will have to be patient and gather their will in a fist to wean him from sleeping together. Evgeny Komarovsky recommends to act decisively. A baby bed must be placed next to an adult. The child's bed should be placed as close to the parent's bed as possible. When it's time to go to bed, the baby is placed in a crib. The task of the parents is to physically stop the child's attempts to get out of it and move to the usual place by any means.
Usually, children are very persistent in their desires, warns Yevgeny Komarovsky. Nothing unusual will happen if the child for the first time tries to get out of the crib for one and a half to two hours until he gets tired and falls asleep. And he will definitely fall asleep, because this is a physiological need due to nature. The main thing is to be patient and not deviate from what was conceived, no matter how plaintive the little one whines.
The next day, the protest action will be shorter, and after a week - if the child fights for a bed before going to bed, it will not be long (5-10 minutes). It is very important not to change your parental decision, then the child will quickly understand that this is a new reality that must be resigned to.
It is not worth changing your plans for gaining independence at night, even if the child manages to get sick this week. Once you take him to your bed, you will have to start the whole process from the beginning, only this time the baby will be more and more persistent in demanding to return him to his place.
How to teach yourself to fall asleep?
Parents who are determined to send their child to sleep separately may face another problem - sleep disturbance. If earlier, after the evening feeding, the child calmly fell asleep next to his parents, then in his own crib the baby can toil for a long time, get tired, cry, then sleep longer, skip the morning feeding, get the time for daily sleep during the day. As a result, the baby's daily routine will begin to change (not always for the better for the parents).
To teach a child to fall asleep quickly on their own, says Yevgeny Komarovsky, mom and dad will need no more than 3 days. Prepare some vials of valerian (for yourself) and spartan calm.
Falling asleep will be quick and stable if the child is tired. Even if half of the night the baby protested against the crib, shouted and begged to his parents, and fell fast asleep in the morning, Komarovsky advises to wake the rebel at 6-7 am. No matter how sorry it is, you need to wake the baby up and entertain him until 10-11 o'clock, until the baby is so tired that he will calmly fall asleep in his crib himself, without persuasion, motion sickness and songs. He should be allowed to sleep for no more than an hour and a half, after which he will have to mercilessly wake him up again and walk-entertain for another 3-4 hours.
In the evening, the penultimate feeding should be small to keep the baby half-starved. After the massage and cool bath, you can give him more food. Then the tired and gorged crumb with a great degree of probability will quickly fall asleep and will sleep peacefully and soundly all night.
To facilitate the process of transferring the baby to his own separate bed, all daily procedures should be performed in a strictly defined sequence. Food, classes, massage, gymnastics, bathing, games, walks - everything should be in order, which is strictly observed day after day.
Advice
There are several key points that will help solve problems with the baby's sleep, and will also be a salvation for parents during the transfer of the baby to their own crib:
- The child does not have to be transferred to the crib, if from the very birth he was used to sleeping in it. A baby at the age of several days does not resist separate sleep, this must be used on time.
- The kid should not be taught to fall asleep in his arms. He must understand that hands are contact, communication, play, food, but not a dream. It is supposed to sleep in the crib. If the little one learns this from birth, then nothing will have to be changed.
- The correct microclimate contributes to easy falling asleep, which parents should create in the bedroom: air temperature - 18-20 degrees. If it seems that it is cold, then it is better to dress the child warmer, but it is not necessary to increase the ambient temperature. Air humidity also matters - it is optimal if it is at the level of 50-70%. Before going to bed, the room must be ventilated.
- The child sleeps soundly if he is comfortable in the crib. The mattress should be rigid, hypoallergenic, preferably orthopedic. Children under 2 do not need a pillow. Baby's bedding and pajamas should be made from natural fabrics, without textile dyes.
Doctor Evgeny Komarovsky will tell you how to accustom a child to a crib in the next video.
