Crumbs always touch their parents. Much is forgiven for one toothless smile. But not all. And for the time being. Some parents are confronted with completely different child behavior that they dreamed of. A kid at a certain age begins to beat his mom and dad. Evgeny Komarovsky tells about what to do if the baby fights, moreover, with the closest ones.
Why is this happening
By fighting, the kids express their accumulated aggression. Many mothers notice the first attempts to do this as early as six months. The child still does not know how to speak, but already perfectly knows how to arch the back with a "wheel" and yell desperately and rather viciously if something is not right for him. A little later, children may begin to pinch. After a year, the baby knows how to bite perfectly, and the one-year-old baby does it not out of malice, but because he is not yet able to cope with negative emotions adequately.
The most “problematic” age of protest starts at 2 years old, closer to 3 years old. Here, even previously quiet and calm children can begin to show aggression and irritability.
However, the three-year-old brawler, who is used to solving problems with teeth and fists both at home and in kindergarten, should more seriously alert parents. Aggression in 2-3 years cannot be explained by age alone and minor hooliganism. Usually it is insufficient development of speech, which makes it difficult to find words to describe their feelings, a chronic lack of attention on the part of adults, and sometimes symptoms of a nervous or psychiatric disorder.
Psychologists are almost unanimous - the main reason for children's unconscious aggression is the irritability of parents, first of all, mothers. According to statistics available to child psychologists, four out of ten children have at least once tried to use force against loved ones, in half of the cases - the problem has acquired catastrophic proportions when the child became a real tyrant in his family.
Most often, the parents of such aggressive children complain that the baby bites, spits, and also hits adults and even throws various objects that come to hand.
Komarovsky about the problem
The authoritative pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky has seen such children in his practice, and more than once. He categorically disagrees with the assertion of psychologists that you need to be patient and peacefully exhort the little tyrant and convince him (in words!) That "mom and grandmother are in pain."
We will consider all aspects of child aggression with Dr. Komarovsky in the next video.
Soft and democratic pedagogical measures do not work in this situation., says Evgeny Olegovich. And if they do, then in exceptional cases. This is because aggression is nothing more than an instinct, one of the most powerful ancient human instincts. And it is impossible to fight against instincts by any pedagogical methods.
In most situations with little fighters, only one thing works: the answer is identical. Not a single manifestation of child aggression should be ignored by parents; an adult “victim” should immediately react to every bite or blow.
If bitten, Komarovsky advises to bite back, if hit, do the same. Naturally, adults need to measure their strength, but the answer should not be too gentle either, because the child must understand from his own experience what is painful and offensive.
Moreover, Evgeny Olegovich advises mothers to console a screaming or whining child as little as possible after this "identical answer."
If you are interested in the question of how to cope with an unruly child, watch the next issue of Dr. Komarovsky on this topic.
Evgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that reciprocal, necessarily - controlled aggression cannot speak of a mother's lack of love for her child, and even vice versa.
If you love him deeply, you are unlikely to want to raise a pathological personality with a sense of your own impunity and permissiveness.
Important
Outside of a conflict situation in which you, according to Komarovsky's method, gave a tough rebuff to the little aggressor, behavior towards the child should not change. Mom should remain the same kind and affectionate, always ready to help. Then the child, according to the famous pediatrician, will begin to form another very useful instinct - he will learn to respect the elders and the strong, he will understand that it is better not to provoke pain reactions, and he will also be able to quickly draw a parallel between his pain from your bite and yours during it. aggression.
Gradually, attacks on adults and peers will become less frequent, and then they will completely disappear and be forgotten.
Other ways to wean off aggression
Psychologists offer a variety of techniques. Some are based on deletion. If the baby bit his mother, she simply stops communicating with him and distances herself. And so every time when negative appears from the side of the child.
Almost all social educators and child psychologists agree that a child should be taught from a very early age to “pronounce” his negative. “It makes me sad because ...”, “I am very offended because ...”.
In especially difficult cases, when children not only fight, but also scream hysterically, throw objects, break dishes and pieces of furniture, it is better to contact a specialist for a joint search for a solution. Sometimes a child needs medical attention.
P.S
Yevgeny Komarovsky does not undertake to analyze all the reasons that push children to aggression towards their closest people, but he points out that in 99% of cases it is not a mental illness, but a lack of upbringing. In families where parents treat the child reasonably and moderately severely, inappropriate incidents involving the child practically do not happen.
