Pregnancy is the perfect time for the feminine to flourish in any woman. A pregnant woman is always beautiful. Personally, I am against abortion, but for family planning. It allows you to foresee a lot, and to avoid unpleasant moments during childbearing and in the first time after birth.
Planning allows you to carefully prepare for the addition to your family. If it already has one child, most spouses sooner or later have a question about when to go for the second. Society demands one, its own inner voice prompts the second, the opinions of doctors express the third. How can a woman navigate? First of all, the psychological and physiological factors of the spouses' readiness to have another baby are important. Let's weigh everything together.
Medical factors
The reproductive function of a woman, as you know, is restored immediately after the end of breastfeeding, and sometimes even before that (hence a considerable number of unplanned pregnancies!). World Health Organization experts have calculated that a woman needs at least 30 months to fully recover from a normal birth. During this time, the muscle tissue of the walls of the uterus and hormonal levels are restored. Pregnancy that occurs 12 months after giving birth, according to doctors, is too early, since the woman's body is still pretty depleted.
Pregnancy that occurs at this time can be problematic, and the consequences for the baby's health can be negative. If uterine tissues have not fully recovered, miscarriage is possible, and the risk of early miscarriages increases. Uteroplacental blood flow can be seriously affected, which means that the risk of fetal hypoxia increases significantly. During pregnancy, which occurred earlier than the woman's body was restored, there may be problems with the attachment of the location of the placenta. There is a high risk of having a low birth weight fetus and anemia during pregnancy.
If the first child was born by cesarean section, then the doctor recommends a three-year break. Pregnancy that occurs earlier than this period can lead to rupture of the uterus along the scar, and this is a direct threat to the woman's life and an almost one hundred percent probability of fetal death against the background of the divergence of the uterus along the scar and internal bleeding.
When planning a second pregnancy, it is advisable to undergo a medical examination for the consistency of the scar. There should be no niches or refinements in it. The parameters are determined by ultrasound. The thickness of the scar in itself does not say anything. As doctors assure, scars - both thick and thin, are torn equally quickly.
I carried my youngest son with a scar on the uterus only 6 mm thick. In the early stages, no doctor initially believed in the success of this event. All 9 months I was supported by the understanding of the main thing - the scar was well-founded. The number of cesarean sections is also difficult to judge. Official medicine assures that it is safe to carry and give birth to two babies surgically.
Optimistic doctors are calmly looking at the third pregnancy after two caesarean pregnancies. My personal experience is four cesarean sections. No complications. With large and healthy children. I read somewhere that doctors can do up to seven operations, but this was practiced only in Western clinics. Russian maternity hospitals are wary of the third caesarean. What can we say about the following!
If a lot of time has passed after the first birth, it is difficult for a woman to decide on a second pregnancy. And given that the first births now often occur at 30 years old, the second often drop out at 35-40 years. At this age, the main difficulty lies not even in the difficulty of bearing a child, but in the ability to conceive it in an elementary way, since the reproductive function of a woman (fertility level), starting from the age of 35, is rapidly dying out. A woman's ovaries develop their resource gradually, there are fewer and fewer eggs in them, and not every cycle is already accompanied by ovulation. In addition, at this age, the lady has already acquired chronic diseases that can have a negative impact on the bearing of the fetus and the process of childbirth.
However, the modern level of medicine allows a woman at the age of 45 to bear and give birth to a completely healthy child. And screening studies carried out for all pregnant women make it possible, with a very high degree of probability, to establish the risks of having a child with genetic pathologies. The methods of invasive diagnostics only clarify this result to 99.9%.
Believe me, late pregnancy has a lot of advantages. The woman is calmer, she is confident in her future and already knows perfectly well how to manage babies. It is difficult to knock her out of the usual rhythm with life's difficulties, and, as a rule, she already knows exactly what she wants from life.
The general rule: if a woman is healthy, feels good, then problems with conceiving and bearing a child should not arise either at 30 or at 45 years old.
Psychological aspects
Consider the age difference between children. The optimal difference is considered to be 5-6 years.
A number of psychologists believe that it is easier for the weather girls to find a common language, and there is a large grain of truth in this. But the one-year-old baby still desperately needs to know the world, and he intends to do this through the familiar communication channel - constant contact with his mother. He needs to show and tell everything, explain and explain everything. Everything that happens around, he associates primarily with his mother. It can be difficult for a parent to give the right amount of attention and time to both the first child - the explorer of the world, and the second - the baby, who physiologically needs the constant presence of the mother.
The weather usually makes no difference between themselves, they have the same daily routine, the same toys. Often, like twins, they say "we" instead of "I." On the one hand, it is easier for the mother, on the other, it is much more difficult, because each of the babies can get sick, and then it will be almost impossible to divide personal time between the crumbs.
2 year olds are extremely jealous, and can very painfully accept the fact that a brother or sister is being born in their life. Reasonable arguments of adults about a future family member in his 2 years, the little man is not yet able to fully accept and realize. His emotions are overwhelming, which he still finds it difficult to express in words. Therefore, the strong stress that the baby will receive when a brother or sister appears, accumulates inside the baby and can cause serious psychological disturbances.
Three-year-olds, and this is the age of the first age crisis, are generally quite irreconcilable. They already know how to compete uncompromisingly and fiercely for the attention of mother and father. If grandmothers come to help in the care and upbringing, this only complicates the situation - the first baby - a three-year-old begins to clearly feel like the second. This is unacceptable to him.
Children aged 4 years can already adequately understand the significance of a significant event in the family. They are already able to show care and the question of the mother's belonging to anyone is already closed to them - they know for sure that their parents love and appreciate them.
From the age of five and older, children are well aware of cause and effect relationships, and are able to correctly understand your explanations about the imminent appearance of a second child in the family. However, the greater the difference, the more the younger baby will perceive a brother or sister as another parent. Yes, and joint leisure for children, if it does exist, will by no means become interesting for both. The guys have too different interests.
My opinion on this matter is unequivocal - you cannot turn an older child into a nanny for a baby. It is one thing to provide one-time help: to give powder or bring a pacifier, another thing is to instruct the child to occupy almost all of the younger's leisure time.
An older child should have a life of its own. He has the right to do so. Consider his interests when planning the birth of a second or subsequent baby.
In the following video, you will hear about the most common mistakes parents make when deciding to have their second child.
How do I tell my older child about pregnancy?
In any case, it is necessary to inform the first child about the upcoming appearance of a brother or sister. It is criminal to keep silent about the reasons why the mother's belly has become noticeably rounded. The kid, regardless of age, is already a full member of the family, and must remain so, no matter what happens. In a conversation, the child needs to present information about the upcoming replenishment in an extremely positive way. Emphasize how great it is to be an elder and take care of a baby!
How to help an older child adopt a second baby?
- Combine the two "cases". While feeding the youngest child, you can tell the older one fairy tales. You can ask an older child to help with the housework: load diapers into the washing machine, for example. My son (3 years old) loves to wash diapers with me, and is happy to serve baby cream and clean diapers. The older toddler feels like a necessary and important almost adult person. Don't stop him from getting older!
- Don't shame your oldest child if, for some reason, he allows open manifestations of jealousy towards the baby. Do not appeal to his conscience - it is useless.
- Do not force the elder to show love and care towards the younger. Brotherly and sisterly feelings always come. But not always at the exact time when you need it. Understand that everything happens on time.
In the next video, the famous pediatrician Komarovsky examines questions about the jealousy of the first child to the newborn.
When to have a second child?
There are no exact dates for the birth of a second child. It's up to you to decide. If you feel your physical and psychological readiness for the birth of another baby, go ahead and sing! Consider your financial capabilities. Create an airbag whenever possible. And remember, if God gave a child, he will also give a child! I never understood how this truth "works", but it really works, and funds are always available for a crumb.
The decision to have a second child should be made, taking into account the psychological climate in the family.
Remember that never has a child strengthened marriages that are on the brink of collapse. The idea that another child will unite the family is wrong from the start. If you really want a second child, and there are conflicts and difficulties in the family, go for it, because a woman's biological clock is ticking every year! But be prepared that you will have to educate him alone.
Never let anyone manipulate you. The decision to have another baby is your own business! Neither mother, nor mother-in-law, nor friends, nor relatives have the right to put pressure on you, reproaching you that you are not in a hurry with your second baby or, conversely, are pregnant again when no one expected it. In the end, planning is in the hands of man, and new life, whatever one may say, is in the hands of divine providence.
How to avoid childhood jealousy at the birth of a second baby, see the following videos.
Be sure to watch the next program, in which psychologist Natalia Kholodenko tells by examples how to behave in a given situation with two children.
And about what mistakes parents often make, as a result of which children become enemies, see the next video.
