If we do not choose relatives, then with friends the situation is exactly the opposite. But the baby, unlike the adult, is even more inventive and easily constructs his own reality. That is why the child's imaginary friend, existing only in his head, is a fairly common phenomenon. But then moms and dads grab hold of their heads. Is this really a bad fictional buddy? Is it time to sound the alarm, involve doctors, or do you need to calm down?
A fictional friend is a social and psychological phenomenon in which friendships or interpersonal relationships occur in imagination rather than physical reality. Although such characters are actively involved in childhood life, babies are usually aware of their fantasy. According to various sources, from one third to 65% of children at least once in their life made up imaginary friends for themselves.
Scientists' opinion
If before it was customary to consider Carlson's syndrome (another name for the phenomenon of fictional friends) as a deviation from the norm, today the opinion of experts has changed dramatically. Imaginary friends are common and normal for many children at various stages of development.
According to American studies conducted in 2004, about 65% of children aged 2 to 7 have an imaginary friend. The "optimal" age for the occurrence of this phenomenon is from 3 to 11 years. This, in particular, says Stephanie Carlson, professor at the University of Minnesota.
While psychologists agree that imaginary friends in children shouldn't be a concern for parents, it's not entirely clear why some toddlers make them up and others don't. According to some assumptions, relationships with invisible characters satisfy the child's need for friendship and is more common among firstborn and only children in the family.
Scientists say that fictional friends satisfy 3 fundamental psychological needs.
- Competence. In this case, the child takes on a leading role. He considers himself smarter, more skillful, knowledgeable, tries to "teach" something to his fictitious comrade.
- Relationships and friendship. Although invisible companions are just a cost to the imagination, babies treat them just like real friends. But at the same time, they easily simulate any situations that are impossible in real life.
- Autonomy. A made-up friend gives the child a sense of control. The kid can call him at any moment in his imagination, he can invent any story with him, “subjugate” him to himself. With its help, the child can even manipulate the parents.
Research has also shown that imaginary friends are more common among girls. Moreover, little girls usually take on the "pedagogical" role, and their companions take the form of baby animals or small children. A boy's fictional friend is a character who is more competent than he is, for example, a superhero, an older friend, some kind of adult and strong animal.
Reasons for making imaginary friends
The most important reason for a fictional character to enter a child's life is fantasy and imagination. Experts have found out an interesting detail: the more creatively gifted the baby is, the more likely he will have an invisible friend. By the way, this is why the phenomenon arises at the age when children are actively developing imagination, creative thinking and social intelligence.
Another thing is that not all kids with a rich imagination have invented friends. The following factors can provoke their appearance.
Lack of communication and emotions, loneliness
As we said above, it is the only children in the family that often acquire fictional friends. Also, the "risk group" includes those kids who experience a communication deficit, feel lonely, and interact little with their peers for any reason.
A fictional playmate allows the child to experience incredible stories, experience emotions, simply becomes a companion for games, antics and fun. It is interesting that an imaginary friend disappears at the moment when the baby has a real friend or when he moves to a new place where new acquaintances await him.
Need for protection
A fictional friend helps a child gain a sense of security and comfort, and also gives him the opportunity to demonstrate self-confidence and courage. For example, a toddler says to his invisible friend: "Don't be afraid of the monster under the bed" or "Let's go to the kitchen in the dark." Thus, he fights his own fears, reduces feelings of anxiety and concern.
Fear of punishment
The child's fictional friend is a kind of scapegoat, a figure who can be blamed for his unseemly actions. For example, a mug fell and broke into small pieces? "Booba did it." This is possible if the family is overprotective or the baby is afraid that he will be severely punished.
In addition, the invisible friend is the ability to indirectly express excessive emotions, which is not encouraged in the family. If the kid cannot openly demonstrate anger, anger, resentment, then a friend does it for him: “I’m not shouting loudly, this is Booba” or “Booba doesn’t like it when you cook oatmeal.”
Desire to manipulate parents
With the help of imaginary friends, you can control adults. For example, a child demands to buy ice cream, but not for him, but for Kolya. Or, with tears in his eyes, he asks to arrange a dinner party to please his friend. If the parents indulge all these whims, the baby will simply take control of the whole family in the future.
How to "communicate" with an imaginary friend
First of all, it should be understood that imaginary friends in children are not a symptom of a mental disorder. Rather, it is an indicator that the child has a developed imagination. And suppression of fantasy or even more of a mockery of the baby will only distance him from you, he will stop sharing his thoughts, plans and desires with adults.
Then what to do? How to behave with an invisible "person" or animal?
- Learn more about the child's imaginary buddy, listen to his story, and watch their playful interaction. This will help you learn a lot about your child. After all, it is on his "Carlson" that the baby often projects dreams, plans, needs, as well as fears and anxieties.
- Get involved in the game, agree with the child's fantasy. There is nothing difficult or terrible about putting an extra mug for an invisible friend or closing the door to the room so that the child can play peacefully with the friend. Such actions will only strengthen parent-child relationships.
- Do not be the initiator of communication with "Carlson". There is no need to ask a child whether his friend will go for a ride on a swing. Let only the baby himself act as the initiator of imaginary games and interactions. This is his inner world, his rules and desires.
- In no case do not allow the child to disclaim responsibility and shift it onto a friend. Sometimes the kid blames an invisible character for all the unseemly actions. Your task is to explain to him that he is responsible for all the consequences, and not someone else.
- Don't let your child manipulate you and don't manipulate your child with the help of his friend... It is one thing if your child asks to put another bowl on the table, it is quite another thing if he asks to prepare a whole dinner party. The opposite situation - you cannot say that an imaginary friend asks the baby to finish the semolina.
Well, and, of course, expand the child's social circle if the reason for the appearance of a fictional friend is loneliness and the absence of real friends.
Cause for concern
On very rare occasions, imaginary friends indicate problems of any kind. You need to be wary in the following cases:
- the character continues to exist in the child's imagination even after 11 years of age (especially if there are no real friends);
- the child confuses fantasy and reality;
- other symptoms are observed: hallucinations - visual or auditory;
- the child becomes aggressive, behaves badly;
- a fictional friend has a fight with a child, which is very upsetting;
- the baby refuses the opportunity to communicate with other children.
In such situations, it is best to seek qualified help. A specialist will confirm or deny your concerns.
Conclusion
Imaginary friends are not a deviation, but only evidence of normal development. Such characters help to socialize, they are a great way to get to know the characteristics of the baby better. That is why you should treat them as a natural course of growing up a child, but if something worries you, you need to seek help from a specialist.
