One of the most controversial issues in parenting is sleeping with your child on the same bed. There are supporters and opponents of this phenomenon, everyone has an individual attitude to sleeping together.
Sleeping with your baby is controversial
The positive and negative aspects of sleeping with a child
The most important thing that makes co-sleeping with an infant so popular is its convenience for breastfeeding. Mom may not jump up in the middle of the night, not carry a sleepy baby to his bed and back, but just turn to her baby and give him a breast.
Over time, night feeds are carried out without even waking up. The child sleeps much more calmly and wakes up less often, feeling next to his mother's warmth and feeling her native smell and heartbeat, to which he has become accustomed for 9 months in the womb. Mom also enjoys the closeness of her baby and is calm for him. In the first, most difficult to adapt, weeks of living with a new family member, sleeping together with your child is a great help.
The closeness of the baby stimulates milk production in the female body, i.e. helps to establish lactation. On the other hand, getting used to always sleeping next to his mother, the baby wakes up not from hunger, but simply sucking on the available breast.
Sleeping hours together help mum and dad build a close emotional bond with the new family member. Although, sometimes, dads have to move to another bed (voluntarily or forcibly) or to another room. This, of course, can negatively affect the marital relationship and is a negative side of sleeping together.
Sleeping together helps strengthen the bond between parents and children
According to medical research, sleeping next to mom regulates the body temperature of the newborn, which prevents sudden infant death. There is also evidence that children sleeping with their parents show faster brain and cognitive development. However, in a situation where parents are taking sleeping pills or other medications, there is a risk of crushing the baby at night.
Children who spend the first weeks and months in their parent's bed are more resistant to fears of the dark, fall asleep easier and stronger, because such babies feel protected.
Of the negative sides of joint nights are:
- the mother's anxiety about how to pin down the baby, or that her already grown child ("slider") may fall out of bed in a dream, as well as periodic kicks from her side, which negatively affect the quality and duration of maternal sleep;
- difficulties in intimate life, which can lead to conflicts and even divorce;
Sleeping with a child can lead to difficulties in the intimate life of spouses
- difficulties may arise when the time comes to wean the child from sleeping together, since the offspring is already accustomed to sleeping in the parent's bed, and otherwise he is uncomfortable, he needs the constant night presence of adults.
Why wean a child from sleeping together
Supporters of the separate sleep of parents and the child believe that the baby should be weaned so that he does not consider himself a partner of the mother, and the father - the third one. This situation will be destructive both for his psyche and for family relations.
Constant presence (even at night) with adults inhibits the awakening of independence in a child. Psychologists believe that for a full-fledged personality formation, each baby should have his own personal space, including a crib.
In addition, in this way, the baby can get a strong psychological dependence on one of the parents (as a rule, this is the mother), which will create problems for him in the adult future.
When to start weaning
Such a question does not arise in those families where the baby has his own sleeping place from birth. If the parents have made a choice in favor of sleeping together, then sooner or later (for example, due to the tiredness of the parents or the imminent appearance of a new family member) it is time to move the child out of the parental bed.
Important! Psychologists advise not to focus on the average time of moving to your bed and remember that every child is different, all children have a different degree of anxiety.
Even at the age of one year (as a rule, at 9-10 months), the child begins to sleep longer in the deep sleep phase, there are fewer awakenings (respectively, night feedings). These are signals that the baby is ready to sleep separately from the mother.
At 9-10 months, the baby is already ready to sleep on his own
Sometimes parents prefer to wait for the child to consciously want to sleep separately, this happens around the age of 3-3.5 years. He considers himself to be completely "adult" and independent, and mom and dad can only play along with the baby, allowing him to choose a new crib or at least bed linen.
There are situations when a baby who initially slept on its own begins to refuse to sleep separately under the pretext of fears of darkness, loneliness and monsters. As a rule, these are common manipulations with a lack of attention from the parents. However, in order not to bring the matter to nervous exhaustion, you should immediately solve this problem of overcoming night fears.
How to wean a child from sleeping together
If the baby does not plan to leave the parental bed on his own, the question arises for mom and dad how to wean the child from sleeping together.
Note! Such a problem may not arise if, from the first weeks, you put the baby to sleep not only on your bed, but also in a cradle, carrier or crib, so that the little one learns to fall asleep in different conditions.
A big help in solving this issue is buying a new bed for the baby, in the choice of which he can take a direct part. At first, it is not at all necessary to put it in another room (if you plan to move to the nursery), it is enough to put it in the parent's bedroom, even close to the large bed. Then you can gradually increase this distance so that the child gets used to sleeping next to his parents, but no longer together.
To overcome fears of loneliness, you can offer your baby a "companion": a favorite soft toy, a dog or a thing with a mother's scent. You can use the "incubation" method: sit quietly in a chair next to the baby's crib and patiently wait for him to fall asleep. There is also a "substitution method" when a mother sitting (or lying) next to her leaves after a while on an "urgent" business, then returns, but the time of her absence is gradually increasing.
A stuffed toy can help you fall asleep on your own
It is very important to psychologically work out rituals before bedtime, then the baby will fall asleep with the thought that "everything is in order, everything is going according to plan", this significantly reduces the level of anxiety and promotes relaxation and tune in to sleep. Sometimes a small night light saves, helping to fight the fear of the dark.
Additional Information. The stages of weaning from joint sleep should be smooth and phased, this will help keep the child and mother healthy.
Why does a child refuse independent sleep
According to somnologists, the refusal to sleep in your bed may indicate both serious neurological problems, an increased level of anxiety, and the psychological dependence of the baby on the mother and her help in falling asleep (swing, feed).
Also, the problem may be that the mother is not ready to “let” the baby go to sleep on her own, considering him to be very small and helpless, and the children very subtly feel the mood of adults and respond to it.
Disputes about sleeping together with the baby will not subside for a long time. Some parents find it very convenient, while others see it as a source of mental problems. However, at some point, the child has to move into his own bed, and the task of the parents is to help the baby do this as comfortably as possible.
