Increasingly, the reason for turning to psychologists is the excessive severity of adults in relation to their kids. Many parents believe that children need to be kept tight-lipped, otherwise weak-willed or even dissolute people will grow out of them. Are you too hard on your child? Do you think your expectations might be overstated?
The concept of "unjustified severity" is increasingly common in Russian and Western psychological literature. However, many experts still find it difficult to draw a clear line between the necessary and unjustified severity of dads and moms. In fact, this is not surprising. After all, the norms of behavior and the framework of permissible parental reactions are individual for each family and are not determined by one single factor.
Here are 15 signs you might be being overly strict with your child:
- You "profess" a "zero tolerance" policy. No one disputes how important it is to have clear rules for the safe development of a child. However, it must be clearly understood that there are exceptions to each rule. Instead of taking an authoritarian position, show a willingness to evaluate the child's behavior in the context of specific circumstances: “Yes, I have said many times that you cannot fight. But I understand that you wanted to protect the girl. "
- Your child lies a lot. Many preschoolers like to exaggerate and brag a little. However, research by psychologists clearly shows that harsh discipline is a sure way to turn little dreamers into inveterate liars. If you are too strict, your child may cheat for any reason to avoid severe punishment.
- Your child has more limitations than other children. Rules and restrictions vary from family to family. But if the number of restrictions in your home exceeds all imaginable and inconceivable measures, this may be a sign of high expectations.
- You are intolerant of childish jokes. Preschool childhood is a great time for nonsense, cute and funny tricks, noisy fuss and fun games. Do you think that children need to learn and not do all kinds of stupid things? Of course, jokes quickly get boring, and your child's play can put you in an awkward position. However, maybe you should enjoy the moment and have fun with your baby?
- You condemn other people's educational measures. Strict parents categorically do not like that the teacher uses excessive liberty with children, lisps with them instead of teaching discipline and correct behavior (obedience). Remember that it is important for children to be open to adults who "preach" different educational methods. This is how they adapt to adulthood.
- Your list of rules is too long. The more rules, the less likely your child will be able to follow them all. Establish simple yet effective behaviors for your baby to remember. Write a list of the most important household rules on a piece of paper and refer to it in case of a dispute.
- The child does not have time for rest and play. Some modern children are so busy after kindergarten that they do not even have half an hour left for free activity, harmless hobbies and the usual fuss with their peers. By the way, many psychologists believe that at preschool age the desire to play and communicate with friends is much more important and useful than the ability to count to a hundred or knowledge of letters.
- Do not give the right to make mistakes. Strict parents try to do everything to prevent their child from making mistakes. But children learn from their mistakes when they face the consequences of their own actions.
- You find fault too often. The eternal discontent of the parents does not allow the baby to take responsibility for his actions. If you find fault with your child every time he draws, cleans the room, plays a musical instrument, then he will not be able to learn how to do his work on his own.
- You are constantly giving directions. Have you noticed that you constantly remind your children of something like "sit up straight", "do not shirk when walking", "enough to keep your hands in your pockets"? Try to keep the instructions for the most important situations, then your voice will definitely be heard.
- You are not offering a choice. Instead of asking, "What will you do first: get dressed or make the bed?", Strict parents often just give orders. Give your kids some freedom, especially if both are beneficial.
- You insist on your solution. Sometimes overly demanding adults insist on their own way of solving problems, not giving the kid the opportunity to learn and improvise: "Masha, you need to add words from cubes, not build turrets!" Remember, children not only need instruction from adults, but also creativity and flexibility.
- You praise the result, not the effort. Strict parents do not indulge their children too much with laudatory words. And if they allow approval, then only for the achieved (usually high) result. The most beautiful drawing, the first place in the reading competition, the best plasticine craft ... Very soon your kid may decide that your love for him is due only to his high achievements.
- You are constantly threatening. While most parents only occasionally issue warnings to their children, overly demanding parents threaten them on an ongoing basis. They often say, "Clean your room immediately, or I'll throw all your toys in the trash bin!" Avoid threats, especially if you are not ready to carry them out, and do not resort to physical punishment. (We also read: 20 phrases that you should never say to children - dangerous words that break your child's life)
- You love to teach. Strict mums and dads often make every activity a must-have lesson. Children cannot draw a drawing without being asked about the color of the paints, or they cannot play with the dollhouse unless they are constantly reminded of the proper placement of furniture. Remember that the game itself is an opportunity for imagination and an opportunity to go beyond.
Of course, not every child is a little angel who never causes problems. However, not all difficult educational situations can be solved only with the help of rigor. Love your baby, respect him as a person - and you will never go wrong in the necessary balance of impunity and rigor.
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