Household chores are completely over, and the child has been sleeping in his crib for a long time. Mom and Dad can finally be alone and go about their "personal" affairs. But suddenly, at the most crucial moment, completely unexpectedly, a baby appears on the threshold of the parent's bedroom. "What are they doing?" - in his eyes one can read both amazement and fear at the same time. At this point, it is important to try to remain calm and not focus his attention on the sight he saw.
We say no to panic
Scenes of this kind tend to elicit mixed reactions in children, bordering on curiosity and fear. Having "caught" their parents doing an interesting activity, the baby may think that the mother is being hurt. His perception can be aggravated by nervousness on your part, accompanied by shouts or angry statements about his visit. If this happens, dad will forever remain in the eyes of the child the villain and tormentor of mom. If the parents are embarrassed, fussy and nervous, the child can see this as confirmation of his fears, which can subsequently be reflected in his intimate life.
Remember, a love scene between parents can cause irreparable trauma to the child's psyche. The sexual relations of parents should always be shrouded in mystery, be in the "forbidden zone", and it is better to stay out of sight and attention of the child altogether. But if it so happened that the baby took you by surprise with his sudden appearance, you will have to convince him that there is nothing terrible about this.
If your child is very tiny (under 5 years old), in a calm voice ask him what happened and why he came. Perhaps he was simply afraid of the dark? Or wanted to drink? Be sure to ask him if everything is in order. When asked about what you did, tell me that “Dad did a massage for mom, hence the sounds and moans”, or“Mom and Dad just hugged because they love each other very much”... Add also that you love him too, and hugging is quite natural for loving people.
It happens that children, waking up at night, are half asleep and do not fully realize what is happening. In this case, put on your clothes and walk him to your bed. Children have a subtle sense of your emotional state, so if you do not worry, they will not attach any importance to what they see.
Child over 5 years old you can ask to go out for a while and wait for you outside the door (or in your crib). After he leaves your bedroom, get dressed and walk up to him. Ask him without a shadow of indignation what he wanted. When he explains why he came to you, tell him in an absolutely calm voice: "Honey, please, another time, before you enter, knock on the door."... If he is worried, reassure him that everything is in order. You can say: “There are times when mom and dad want to be together. When we hug, we don't want anyone to see it. "
It happens that the children saw more than you think. They can then act somewhat cheeky to hide their awkwardness and ask you provocative questions: "And what were you doing there?" In no case do not give in to your impulses and do not scold them.
Never shout or scold your child. Be calm and don't show that something out of the ordinary has happened!
At the age of 7-10, many children already know what's what. If a child has become a casual witness of a bed scene, he may not ask about anything, believing that this is a “shameful” topic. Therefore, it will not be superfluous to talk about this first and once again show that you can talk about this with your parents, this topic is not bad and not taboo. Just make sure that the child really saw something - sometimes frightened mothers, after a conversation, belatedly understand that a sleepy child did not notice anything.
Without many words
In any case, first find out what exactly the child saw.... And it will turn out, as in one well-known old anecdote.
The son comes up to his father and says: "Dad, what is an abortion?" The flushed father tries to explain to his son what it is. Begins to talk about the complexities of the structure of the world, about how animals reproduce, then goes on to copulate people. The whole story is accompanied by the terms "intercourse", "conception", "fetus", "unwanted pregnancy" ... Having finished his long tirade, he finally looked at astonished son and asked: "Son, where did you hear such a word?" What's the kid with wide eyes, sighing, replies: “You see, dad, we learn a poem at school and there are such words“ ... And the waves moan, and cry, and splash. And the waves keep beating ABOUT BOARD ship ... ".
Therefore, do not rush to make excuses, it is better to wait and, by the baby's reaction, determine how to behave further - to pretend that nothing happened or still explain to him about the peculiarities of the relationship between mom and dad.
Memo to parents
If you are still caught doing "that" lesson, there is reason to think about precautions. Even small children have a hard time experiencing such scenes of love, sleep badly after that, anxious and become nervous. According to psychologists, the majority of people (mainly girls) who have problems in their sexual life became involuntary witnesses of the closeness of their parents in childhood. An image has formed in their head forever that it is very scary, disgusting and “painful”. As adults, they never manage to get rid of those negative moments of their childhood perception from their memory.
This situation can be avoided. Here are some ways to protect children from psychological trauma:
- Always keep your bedroom door closed... Better to put a lock or install a latch on it. So you will ensure yourself complete relaxation and will stop worrying about someone coming in.
- Teach your child to knock before, how to enter the room... You must show this with your own example. Knock when you want to enter his room. He will be pleased with such an attitude - mutual respect is guaranteed for you.
- If circumstances do not allow you to sleep in different rooms (small apartment, inconvenient arrangement of rooms), make a screen or curtain, separating your bed with your baby from each other. Of course, in this case, you need to restrain yourself and not allow yourself to loud noises, groans and sudden movements.
- Be more creative. It is not necessary to make love only in the bedroom; you can master other places as well. So you will not only protect your baby from the "impartial" spectacle, but also diversify your sexual relations.
Train your child to show love in your family - In the morning, greeting, kiss and hug, and in the evening wish you peaceful dreams. Stroke your baby on the head when you praise him, do not skimp on affection. Spend more time together. In such a loving family, the child will definitely be happy. And then, even if something "forbidden" appears to his gaze, it will not adversely affect his psyche.
What if your child “catches” you in bed with your husband?
The moment when the child is caught during sex is so embarrassing that many parents are at a loss as to what to do - to distract him to forget, or to try to answer his uncomfortable questions? In this video we will figure it out together with experts - psychologist Victoria Lyuborevich-Torkhova, TV presenter of the Let's Talk About Sex project Yulia Bortnik and star trainer, father of two children Vyacheslav Uzelkov:
