Why do many parents actively use physical influence on their own children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, as it is extremely harmful, can be replaced by far more effective and humane alternatives.
Some argue that "It is necessary to whip the child before he grows up"... And this is a tribute to tradition. Indeed, in Russia, birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishment is equated with medieval executions. True, for many, this issue is important and remains open.
Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process
A huge number of parents use force in raising their children and do not think about what consequences this may cause. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously endowing children with cuffs. Moreover, in order to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation is often hung in a conspicuous place - a belt, etc.
What are the reasons for such a furious medieval cruelty among modern moms and dads? There are several reasons:
- Hereditary reasons. Most often, parents take out their own childish grievances already on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that the cuff fixes the spoken educational words in the child is unshakable;
- Lack of desire, as well as time for raising a baby, conducting long conversations, explaining his wrongness. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrong;
- Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents take the belt in their hands only out of despair and from not knowing how to cope with the "little monster";
- Rejection of resentment and anger for their own failures., Previous and present. Often parents beat their own child just because there is no one else to break on. The salary is scanty, the boss is cruel, the wife does not obey, and then there is a mischievous child spinning underfoot. And the parent gives the pope for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid of the father, the more he will come off the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs at least before someone to feel his own power and authority. And the worst thing is when there is no one to intercede for the child;
- Mental disorders. There are also such parents who simply need to shout, beat up the child, arrange a showdown for no apparent reason. Further, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to himself and cries with him. These mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.
What is physical punishment?
Experts refer to physical punishment not only as direct use of brute force in order to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, and cuffs are used, and punishment in the corner, and tugging at arms and sleeves, and ignoring, and force-feeding or not feeding, etc. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to inflict pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.
Statistics: most often children under 4 years of age are subjected to punishment in physical form, since they still cannot hide, defend themselves or be indignant with the question: "For what?"
Physical influences provoke a new wave of disobedience in the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parental aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.
The consequences of physical punishment. Is it okay to hit a child?
Are there any benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. It is not true that the carrot does not work without the stick, and that light spanking is useful in some situations.
After all, any physical punishment has consequences:
- Fear of a parent, on which the child directly depends (and loves at the same time). This fear develops in the course of time into a neurosis;
- Against the background of such a neurosis, it is difficult for a baby to adapt in society, to find friends for himself, and later - the other half. This also affects career;
- Children raised by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers the “right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right at the first opportunity himself;
- Regular flogging affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
- Children who constantly focus on waiting for punishment from their parents are unable to focus on lessons or play with other children;
- In 90% of cases, a child beaten by a parent will do the same with his own children;
- Over 90% of malefactors were abused by their parents in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or a masochist;
- Regularly received punishment, the child loses a sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, learning, experiencing constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
- With each blow, the child moves away from the parent. The natural bond between parents and children is disrupted. There will be no understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems for tyrant parents. And in old age, parents will face an unenviable fate;
- The punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels overwhelmed, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing such stupid things as going to bad companies, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
- Having entered the courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child who has fallen under a hot hand runs the risk of injury, sometimes incompatible with life, in the event that, after a parent's cuff, he falls and hits a sharp object.
Children cannot be beaten. There are viable alternatives
It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of parents, a manifestation of his failure. And excuses like “he doesn't understand otherwise” are just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:
- It is necessary to distract the child, to switch attention to something interesting.
- Captivate the kid with an activity in which he will not want to be naughty and capricious.
- Hug your baby and convince him of your love. After that you can spend with your baby at least a couple of hours of your own "precious" time. After all, the child does not have enough attention (We also read: Very easy ways to show your kids that you love them.)
- Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, who is the first. The reward can be a good bedtime story from dad or mom. And it will work better than a cuff or a cuff.
- Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).
- To beat or not to beat? The story of a condemned mother - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/bit-ili-ne-bit-istoriya-vsemi-osuzhdaemoy-mamyi.html
- 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/8-loyalnyih-sposobov-nakazaniya-detey-kak-pravilno-nakazyivat-detey-za-neposlushanie.html
- 7 gross mistakes of parents during quarrels with children - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/7-grubyih-oshibok-roditeley-vo-vremya-ssor-s-detmi.html
- How you can not punish a child - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/kak-nelzya-nakazyivat-rebenka.html
- Do I need to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist - https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/nuzhno-li-nakazyivat-rebenka-v-3-goda-mnenie-roditeley-i-psihologa.html
It is important to learn to get along with your child without punishment. There are a huge number of methods for this. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should never be beaten under any circumstances!
Why you can't beat children. Parental self-control and physical punishment
Opinions of moms from forums
Olga: My opinion is that it is very strictly impossible. Because we begin to drive into a rigid framework, and when we are not around the children will start to come off to the fullest. Remember for yourself, always begins to want even more that which we cannot or do not have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To beat or not to beat ?? I am against hitting, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think raising a hand to a child, it's just that we can't cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. We have this corner. The little guy terribly does not like to stand there, roars. ... But we have a contract with him, if it is put there, until you calm down, I will not go to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. The most difficult thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.
Zanon2: not to beat but to punish! agree. but no beat!
Beloslava: I also sometimes spank, then I myself think I lost it again, I can't beat ... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attacked, usually it happens before the daytime sleep, but most of all I am depressed that the child, when playing naughty and I swear, says “hit”. He does not speak in phrases yet. I explain that I love him and I don’t want to beat him and I will not. I try to restrain myself now, I seem to forget ... And our dad thinks that we need to beat him ... and you can't convince him in any way ... as a child beat ...
Natalinka15: Yes, it's a difficult topic, I try not to shout, but I don't accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If I can't come to an agreement calmly, then for a while I leave my daughter alone and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down, but sometimes she doesn't. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, to decide everything in peace and we put up.
Palm_to_Sun: that's what I was thinking ... why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child if he pulls it out, acts as an irritant if we can't agree with him ... why don't we spank adults who are completely alien to us? ... can also irritate, offend ... after all, we will think a hundred times before punching an opponent in the face. same? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, to translate the conflict into diplomacy. that with children then it does not work for some?
