Is it easy to be a father or dad can, dad can do anything

After the birth of a child, it is especially difficult for men to accept the fact of paternity, not to get confused and to cope with all the difficulties and problems of this period. But it is his actions and participation that will become fundamental in creating a harmonious family. The huge role of the dad in the child's life is undeniable. But learning to be the best father in the world is not easy.

Almost all men are sure that it is easy for women to play the role of mothers. They are simply programmed to do so by nature. Men are another matter. Immediately after the birth of our first child, my wife handed me a parcel with a hitherto unknown child and said: "Love him!"... She had to repeat it three times. I was inspired, but not immediately.

Every time with the appearance of a child, we, men, have to completely change our entire way of life, we listen to more and more new requirements, become an object that must “correspond”, while also constantly helping and understanding everyone and everything. But who will understand us and help us in this difficult role of “being a father”?

It is no secret to anyone that parenting is understood and accepted by men and women in completely different ways. But after all, each of us has his own role in the life of a baby. So what is the difficulty of fatherhood, how to survive it and what is needed in order for a man to feel joy when a child appears in a family, and in the future he can be called “The best dad ever”?

What will it be for me?

I very often met women who complained that they gave all their youth, life and career for the sake of raising children, and now grown-up children do not appreciate it. But I have not met a single father with such complaints. Men in any situation remain true to themselves. Even after the appearance of a child in their home, they work, go to the gym, go to parties with friends and colleagues.

In fatherhood, there is usually no place for self-denial and sacrifice for the sake of children, which is so characteristic of motherhood. Dads don't want to be completely immersed in parenting. They, as pragmatic people, want to receive some kind of benefit, return for their spent mental and physical strength. They need to understand what they will get in return. The baby, on the other hand, gives almost no return, and requires an incredible amount of time and attention. It is because of this that the initial stage of parenting is more difficult for men than for women.

The fairer sex from the very birth of the crumbs are ready to devote all themselves to their baby, but men are not, and will never be ready. This is where many fathers get the feeling that after the arrival of a child in the house, they have a “noose” around their neck.

The result of all this is panic. It can be accompanied by a sharp deterioration in relations in a couple, men begin to stay more and more often at work, and spend their days off outside the house. And a completely disastrous outcome of the situation is the disintegration of the family, which is also possible (although rarely).

But (I appeal to men!) We do a lot of things in our life every day, without expecting quick results:

we build a career by investing a lot of our work at first - and only after a while we get recognition;
we open a business, and for this we go a long way with thinking through a business idea, registering an enterprise, spending our own funds on launching and promoting a project - and only after all this, if everything is done correctly, our investments pay dividends (and each of us knows that most of all the energy is spent on the “newborn” business at the very beginning, when it still does not bring us anything in return).

Treat fatherhood like another long-term project. And then all your "investment" in the baby will certainly pay off. But this takes time.

Father for his son is the main role model. Not everyone fully understands the importance of the role of the father in raising his son. Any male infant is not born a man in the full sense of the word. A man's character, as well as actions worthy of a real man, can only be brought up by his own positive example - read the full article
The most common myth about fatherhood is that all men dream of a son. Of course, everything boyish is obviously understandable and close to dad, so it may be easier for dad in some matters with a boy. However, nothing beats being the daddy of a girl. Daughters, by the way, need male care and affection in order to grow up as a real woman with “correct” female values. Raising a girl and a boy, of course, needs to be different. And if everything is clear to dads and dads, then daughters need to "attach instructions." These 25 rules were written especially for dads raising daughters

Biological father or beloved dad

Many men can conceive a child, for this only health is needed. But to become a real dad for a son or daughter, to go through the difficult path of parenting and not give up is not at all easy. For this, a man will need: maturity, responsibility, commitment.

The good news is that the very fact of being a parent will help every man acquire these qualities. This is natural and inherent in nature. No one can know if he is ready for fatherhood until his child appears. That's when the boundaries of our Universe begin to expand, real male maturity comes, we become more responsible and loyal. But we develop this parental instinct over time, as the play goes on.

The birth of a child and the beginning of fatherhood is a step into eternity, a truly masculine event: now you are not just a lonely lion, you have your own pride. Parenting can also enrich the lives of dads. You just need to treat it correctly.

If this is only a burden for you, it will be very difficult for you. Treating any event or phenomenon in your life as a burden can overshadow all good things and ruin even the most pleasant things;
If this is a responsible mission for you, you yourself are ready to give joy and love, then your whole life will feel differently, with a smile and warmth in your soul.

And you know what I have been convinced for a long time: the love and affection of a little baby for their parents is the purest and uncluttered feeling of love that you just need to experience at least once in your life. Believe me no one will ever (and cannot) love you like that.

My life has not passed the period when my work required frequent business trips. And every time upon returning home, I saw how the children gave me such looks, smiles and hugs that it seemed to me, not the most sentimental man, to someday leave like this again, just to once again experience all these children's emotions.

It is very difficult to describe the emotions and feelings that your own child will give you. It's not just love. He will idolize you. For a child, the image of a dad is associated with omnipotence. He is the strongest, bravest, smartest.

He is the one who knows and can do everything. Do you know someone else in your life who could treat you THAT?

Start with a couple relationship

Sometimes, because of problems and worries about a new, but tiny family member, we completely forget that we are performing the function of not only a parent, but also a spouse. And there are things and responsibilities in a relationship that have nothing to do with the child. In family life, every couple (and especially those who have recently become parents) have moments when everything seems terrible, everyday things get bored and tired so much that anger appears in every trifling situation. This is typical for both men and women. I advise you not to wait for that hour until the atmosphere in the house reaches a boiling point and all the negativity splashes out: on you, your spouse, your child, and those around you. After all, prevention has always been considered the best treatment.

If at some point you suddenly begin to feel that your wife annoys (pisses you off), try to remember your original relationship. The birth of your child has greatly changed the life of both spouses, it has alienated you from a sense of harmonious partnership. But children will grow up and one day they will begin to build their lives without parents, and you and your wife are a couple who should remain happy. Do not forget about how a loving couple behaves before they have their children. There was romance in that life, right?

Listen to each other;
Show your beloved woman signs of attention, give flowers and gifts. She really needs it to continue to feel loved and desired by you. Especially in the first couple of years after giving birth, when your offspring is still small and very demanding;
Treat your wife not only as the mother of your children, but also as a friend, mistress, just a beautiful representative of the weaker sex. How the mother will be treated by her children;
Avoid situations that put the child between you. If you have a desire to “blame” the baby for the fact that your life has changed - think again. It's just ridiculous and childish. You are a man and a father;
Understand that no one is dearer to your woman than your child. In all your disputes and conflicts, it is he who will always take the first place. This is nature, which is confirmed by statistics. Don't believe me? Think about the number of divorces between men and women. Do you know a lot of “divorces” between mother and child ?! Are you upset? In vain. It's just wonderful that there is someone in this world who tries in any situation like a formidable lioness to protect YOUR child. Say "thank you" to fate for this! If mothers treated children differently, the children simply would not survive.

Your child needs you very much

Much has been said about the maternal instinct. It is inherent in a woman by nature and allows her on an intuitive level to understand her son or daughter without words, to determine what he wants and what he really needs at this or that moment.

The male instinct is different, and it manifests itself differently. Immediately after the birth of the baby, the father's desire to take care of the baby is minimal. When a child is just born, a woman raises him (in a cave), and a man leaves to hunt for prey (a mammoth). But as the baby grows up, the role of the dad becomes more and more responsible and in demand: he must teach the child to hunt (if a son is born), or provide protection (if a daughter is born). The older your child becomes, the more he needs you as a father, the more dominant your role.

If you believe the scientists, then we also have a certain equivalent of the mother's instinct - the paternal. When we become dads, the level of testosterone (male hormone, hormone “macho”) in our body decreases. Nature itself gave us the opportunity to be softer, did everything so that we could take care of the child with dignity, communicate and play with him, understand and feel.

[sc: rsa]

The reaction of children to dads and moms is very different. Researchers at Harvard University conducted an entertaining experiment with the participation of one and a half month old babies and their parents. When mom approached the baby, he relaxed his shoulders and calmed down (his heart rate dropped). When dad approached him, the baby's shoulders lifted slightly, and he was excited (the heart rate increased). The child wanted to spend time with dad more actively, apparently getting ready to play.

Men have one common interesting quality: no matter how old we are, we always remain a little (and in some situations - a lot) children. Only toys are getting more expensive and more complex. And this is also good: after all, it is thanks to this that it is easy for us to find a common language with children. Many women are at a loss to guess why children, growing up, are so attached to their dads and are drawn to them. Especially they do not understand this if the father spent little time with the child at an early age. Here is your answer, women, we are just children too (in the shower).

Another fact of statistics was the following data:

boys who grew up in a full-fledged family with mom and dad have 30% less problems with the law before the age of thirty than children who were brought up without dads;
girls, whose fathers took an active part in the child's life, had a 35% lower risk of teenage pregnancy compared to those babies who grew up without a father.

This proves the enormous role of dad in the life of every child and his influence at an early age on the ability of children to successfully adapt in life and be independent in the future. It is from their dads that children learn to be stress-resistant, purposeful, have willpower, character and mental flexibility.

Postpartum depression in moms is a common and well-researched phenomenon, but it turns out that some men have similar symptoms. And although depression is less common among young dads, a devil-may-care attitude toward its manifestations can negatively affect all households and, above all, the child. How can you recognize postpartum depression in men? Its signs, causes, treatment will be discussed in the article.
When expecting a child, parents usually paint themselves a beautiful picture. Here the baby sleeps, here the young mother feeds the baby, and the father plays with him. But in reality, everything turns out to be different. When the child is brought into the house for the first time, you can still remain in a touching state. But, believe me, at night, all your pink dreams and pictures will fade away. Instead of a cute baby, a crying baby appears. This is where not only mom needs to be connected, but also dad: 5 tips for a new dad

About the qualities of a father: what to be?

If you are authoritarian, your child will become a tyrant.
You will be all-permissive - your child will not learn responsibility and will grow up to be an "eternal child".
If you are absent, you will not have a child, except nominally.

Even the harshest man can become a daddy 🙂

Be a dad with a balance of different qualities:

literacy,
the ability to set boundaries,
the ability to agree and refuse when needed,
the ability to be interested in what is happening in the child's life,
the ability to give a son or daughter an emotional response.

Be the kind of dad who is always close (even if you work long hours or leave often). After all, no one canceled phone calls and Skype conversations. Be someone who knows how to express your feelings and tell your child every day: “I love you!”. Be the kind of dad who is not afraid of any difficulties associated with your child. And even if something unbalanced you, pull yourself together: your children really need you.