Not all men manage to keep their first marriage. Some families break up when relationships go bad for a variety of reasons. Children suffer the most - they are forced to be “between two fires”. If a man decides to remarry, his second wife is also not easy - she has to communicate with her husband's children from his first marriage. Unfortunately, not all girls manage to find a common language with them. How to learn to get along with children from your spouse's first marriage? How do you accept them? How to prevent negative emotions from ruining your own family?
Communication between a husband and children from his first wife - what can it be?
When a man starts a new family, conflicts often arise between the parties. Children suffer the most in this situation, and it doesn't matter who they stayed with - with mom or with dad. The new companion of her husband is unlikely to be able to immediately fall in love with other people's children, which is why it is doubly difficult for them. What situations can the second spouse face?
- Children from the first wife live with their mother, and their father continues to maintain relations with them - he comes to visit them, takes them to him during the holidays, gives gifts. The new wife has to endure the frequent visits of the children and be nice to them, although in her heart this situation is annoying;
- Dad does not communicate with children from the first family, does not participate in their upbringing, and the ex-wife harasses with calls, demanding participation in their life. This infuriates both the man and his new spouse;
- If the child has already matured, he himself visits his father in his house, sometimes he stays overnight. The new spouse does not like it, but she cannot influence the circumstances;
- The children remained in the care of their husband and live with him (at their own request or by court order). Then the new companion will have to take on their upbringing.
The current wife needs to make every effort to preserve the relationship between the father and his children. To facilitate this, wrong behavior must be avoided. Which one?
- You cannot forbid them to see each other;
- Do not get annoyed when children come to visit dad;
- Do not make scenes, accompanying them with the words: "Whose children are more important to you?";
- Do not be jealous of the husband's ex-wife, do not take out anger and irritation on his children;
- Do not commit rash acts that would lead to a break in the relationship.
How should a new spouse act to keep peace and love?
- When the husband's child comes to visit, try to help the husband accept him well;
- Remind when the child has a holiday or any significant event;
- Try to create a pleasant atmosphere at home so that the father and children can communicate comfortably. Positive emotions will help children to endure their parents' divorce easier;
- If the child lives with dad, the new wife should accept him as her own. It is important to learn how to calmly respond to the visits and calls of the ex-wife, because she is a mother, her participation in the lives of children is necessary;
- To accept the fact that the child from the husband's first marriage is a part of his life, this cannot be changed. There are only two options - to accept a spouse with his children or to look for a man who is not burdened by past relationships;
- Treat him and your children with equal love, care, share gifts, food and clothing equally, create equal restrictions for everyone.
How to stop feeling jealous and hatred of your husband's children?
Why can a second wife have negative feelings towards her husband's children - anger, hatred and jealousy? There are several reasons for this:
- The woman has no child of her own.
- She doesn't like children at all.
- The new wife is jealous of the ex.
- A woman does not want to share her spouse with anyone at all.
- Greed - you have to spend a lot of money on maintaining a child.
- Resentment - the girl believes that her husband is more concerned with the welfare of his children than her own.
How do you deal with these emotions?
- It is important to realize that a man will not be able to erase children from his first wife from his life, he will keep in touch with them - see, call, buy gifts. There are situations when fathers break off any relationship with their former family, but this rarely happens.
- Never ask your husband to choose between you and his child, more often the choice will not be in your favor.
- Try to find an approach to his children, try to become their friend. The spouse will certainly appreciate this, he will be happy knowing that you love his children as your own.
- If you have negative feelings for his ex-wife, do not throw them out on children.
How to build friendships with children from the husband's first marriage?
The main thing is to put yourself in the child's shoes - imagine how he feels in a new family? It doesn't matter if he constantly lives here or comes to visit dad. He resembles a small kitten lost in an unfamiliar place. If scandals and scenes often arise in your home, dissatisfaction with the former family is expressed, then the children seem to be “out of place”. But your main task is to win their authority and create trusting relationships. How to do it?
- If the child is open to communication with you and easily makes contact, do not push him away. He shouldn't think what interferes with your relationship with his dad;
- Children have the right to be jealous of their father for you, because you came into his life later. Show in practice that you will not fill all your spouse's free time with yourself. Help your spouse organize joint walks with your son or daughter, and gradually join the company yourself. The pleasant moments shared together bring people together;
- Getting used to the role of a good stepmother, do not overdo it. No need to lisp with your child, put on a smile, overwhelm him with gifts and convince that you are delighted with him. Children always feel false. It is clear that it is almost impossible to immediately fall in love with someone else's child, but you should not play for the audience either. Proceed gently and gradually. Step, another, third. Over time, you will get used to each other;
- Don't put your children's interests ahead of your spouse's child. Treat everyone equally, even though it's not easy;
- Accept the fact that the husband continues to communicate with his ex-wife - this is necessary and inevitable. Calm down your jealousy, it is meaningless, because the man has already made a choice in your favor. If you don't ruin the relationship by doing stupid things yourself, your husband will love you.
What should a father do to keep his relationship with his children from his first wife?
Men with high self-esteem may not feel uncomfortable with the knowledge that two women are vying for him. If this situation did not affect children, it could be ignored. Therefore, a man who married again and now has children in both the first and second families needs to behave correctly. What should he remember and how to act?
- Respect the feelings of the new spouse. Communicate with the ex so as not to give reason for outbursts of jealousy to the new wife;
- Become a good father for children from both first and second marriage, provide them with the same support, devote time to each of them;
- If you are offended by your first wife, this is not a reason to leave your children, because they love you as before;
- Whatever "contagion" your ex may be, be above this situation: never say anything bad about her - neither to your children in common with her, nor to your new wife;
- When a new companion tries to make friends with your children, find a common language, give her support. It is really difficult for her to restrain resentment and pacify her jealousy;
- Create a relationship with your ex-wife so transparent that the current one can have complete confidence in you. So you will avoid misunderstandings and quarrels on the topic: “Did you go to your ex again?” Then you no longer have to explain that the mother of your children asked to help her with the child.
Let the children and not your relatives, but your husband, you can make them happy. Try to build good and lasting relationships with them, then real peace and harmony will reign in your family.
Jealous of her husband to his child from his first marriage ...
I have a terrible feeling of jealousy for my husband's child from his first marriage. I do not say anything to my husband, but inside me there is a flame of jealousy. Moreover, I myself cannot understand why. The child is already big, 10 years old. But my husband spends his time and attention on him. And it hurts me. I read an article about the fact that it is good that a man communicates with a child from his first marriage, but this does not calm me in any way ...
