Many women complain that when they become mothers, they constantly have to contend with grandmother stereotypes about parenting and childcare. It is not easy to convince them not to wrap the baby in a blanket when he is already warm, not to lisp instead of talking humanly, not to force him to eat for two, not to comfort him with sweets. The new generation realized the mistakes of their parents and tried to correct them. However, we ourselves did not notice how we created our own stereotypes. Let's talk about them in this article.
When I became a mother, I began to struggle with my grandmother's stereotypes about raising and caring for a baby. Oh, how difficult it was to convince not to wrap up a child, not to replace human words with lyalechnye, not to console with candy, not to feed "for mom, for dad" ... Having rejected all the old, our generation did not notice that it gave rise to new stereotypes! Here are just a few of them.
Stereotype # 1. "My child is a future genius"
None of the parents wants their child to lag behind their peers and experience difficulties in learning, communicating with people. Fear for the future of the child forces modern mothers to stuff their children with knowledge from a very early age. As a result, children are trying to teach foreign languages, reading begins from a year, and a little later the baby is sent to different sections.
In stores and on the Internet, you can now find all kinds of manuals and encyclopedias on raising geeks, which only spur the manic desire of modern mothers to quickly develop the intelligence of the baby. Forums are being created where parents share their successes - some two-year-old sons already recite poems of outstanding poets by heart, others one-year-old daughters speak their first words in English. And also kindergartens with early education are opening everywhere, which offer a rich program.
The desire to secure a prosperous future for the child is commendable. However, experts warn: excessive loads at an early age provoke general somatic diseases, neuroses and often even kill the motivation for further learning... It is important for parents to understand: the child should play and receive all the joys of childhood, and he will still have enough time to learn the sciences.
Common misconceptions about parents
Trying to speed up the development of the baby, parents mistakenly believe that:
- If a child listens to classical music from the first days of life, he will grow up to be an intelligent and cultured person.
- The baby will speak quickly if he constantly hears human speech - for example, from the TV.
- The kid must be taught to walk on the potty as early as possible - from the moment he gets to his feet.
- The child is able to learn to speak and read at the same time.
These statements do not withstand any criticism of pediatricians and child psychologists, and are simply refuted by common sense. Experts remind mothers of a simple truth: everything has its time. A half-year-old baby can listen with interest as his mother reads a book to him, but this does not indicate his genius or that he understands the plot. He is just cheerful and happy that his mother is with him, who funny voices the characters in different voices, shows color pictures. Therefore, make sure that the baby develops according to age, but do not go too far. Otherwise, everything will end in neuroses.
Stereotype # 2. "I will grow a leader at any cost"
Another dream of parents in the 21st century. - to raise from a child a leader who will build a successful career, it will be easy to achieve respect and trust of people. What should such a person be? Responsible, self-confident, proactive and decisive. Many adults cannot boast of a complete set of these qualities due to their particular character and temperament. The leader is, rather, the merit not of upbringing, but of genes.
It is useless to try to awaken leadership qualities in a quiet, introverted child who only feels comfortable around loved ones. Yes, he probably won't be the soul of the company and the leader of a large enterprise. However, this does not mean that the child's life will be unhappy.
Leadership misconceptions
Parents are wrong who believe that:
- You can not interfere in children's quarrels, as this will help children learn to defend their opinion and cope with difficulties.
- In all games and home competitions, the adult must lose in order for the child to develop self-esteem.
- It is useful for a child to be one-on-one with problems, because only in this way he will learn to analyze the situation and find a solution.
According to experienced psychologists, it is only by the age of three that a baby can show the makings of a leader. Such a child likes to be the soul of the company, to meet and communicate with new people, to participate in public events - contests, concerts, competitions. If you want to further develop the leadership qualities of your baby, set an example for him - be an active and proactive person.
Stereotype # 3. "I bring up a real man (womanly girl)"
How often can you hear phrases like "Don't cry, you're a man!" From parents of young children! or "How dirty you are, and you are a girl, you must be beautiful!" Gender stereotypes sometimes turn into real absurdity. The child is barely 2-3 years old, and he is already required to display masculinity or femininity.
First, let's figure out what qualities parents want to see in a boy. This is responsibility, independence, willpower, determination. It is impossible to show such traits under conditions of constant compulsion. You cannot learn to make decisions if you are constantly under pressure and told how and what to do. To make the child grow up courageous and morally strong, insist less, educate and instill. Do not interfere with nature - she herself will tell the baby how to behave. Give him a little more independence, although this is not easy to accomplish.
Gender parenting myths
The way boys and girls are raised must of course be different. However, many parents go too far, falling under the control of the following stereotypes:
- Cars are suitable for boys as toys, and dolls for girls, but in no case the other way around.
- Obligatory attributes of a girl are long hair, dresses and skirts, but no pants in everyday life, they are exclusively for sports.
- A child can only engage in sports or creativity that matches his gender. A girl cannot be given to karate, and a boy to dancing.
- Girls can be forgiven a lot, but boys cannot be pitied, they should be punished, and more severely.
Now let's see what requirements modern parents place on their little daughters. This is neatness and beauty, and in absolutely everything - in appearance, handwriting, manner of speaking and holding a plug.
One 40-year-old woman on the forum described a typical situation: as a child she was scolded for dirty clothes, for blots in notebooks. She constantly heard from her parents: “Be careful! You're a girl! " This led the child to the idea that being born a girl was a great failure. It took time to change this opinion.
Mom must explain to her daughter that she is a girl, but you cannot do this through reproach. To develop femininity in the baby, invite her to treat her dad for a cold together, take care of the cat, and preen herself in front of the mirror. It is much easier for a child to learn by seeing someone else's example.
