Why does the baby not accept any of his relatives and only communicates with his mother

A close connection with the mother is inherent in the child by nature, he feels warmth, heartbeat and her boundless love even before his birth. For a long time, the baby considers his mother a part of himself, the guarantor of his own safety and comfort. Almost every mother knows the sensations when a little ponytail runs after her everywhere, painfully reacting even to trips to the bathroom and toilet. It happens that the child does not allow anyone close to him, except for the mother. Is this behavior normal and how to instill in a child independence and trust in relatives, we will figure it out further.

My mum. And who are you?

A child up to three years old lives and develops with the help of the mother, he experiences her emotions, mood.

A child under one year old learns to trust the world through his mother, choosing her as the object of his love. To be happy, the baby needs to be not hungry, to be comfortable and to feel the care and reverent attitude of the mother. A lot of affection is a healthy state for a baby. Anxiety should be caused by the reverse feelings of the baby, which indicate problems in mental development.

Of course, it's not easy when the baby does not let you go for a second, throwing tantrums as soon as you are out of sight. Be patient, psychologists assure that the stronger a child is attached to his mother in the first year of life, the more independent he will be after two years.

Often, parents are worried about the rejection of the child's relatives. Yesterday, your child smiled at his grandmother, and soon meets her with a cry. The first months of his life, a child cannot assume that his mother can give him into the hands of a stranger. And everyone whom he does not see for more than two or three days automatically becomes strangers. The kid is still focused on his mother, building a relationship with her, and he does not need others yet. It is genetically inherent that the baby considers only the closest in his environment as his own, because life confronts him with many strangers every day, even while walking. A baby closer to five months can already stay with those who live with him constantly. And by the year, agree to communicate with people he likes, if he is convinced that they do not pose a threat. But this may not happen, since the mental development of each baby is individual.

Developing attachment

Newborn babies can communicate with any positive-minded person. Of course, they are drawn to their mother, but other people still do not cause fears. By six months, the child's attachment to the mother is growing, he distinguishes her from the mass of all people, he seeks protection. At this age, a fear of strangers and self-defense are formed.

By the year the child's attachment to loved ones may change, of course, this does not apply to the mother. The kid can suddenly change his relationship with his dad, grandmother and other relatives with whom he recently communicated closely.

A child of two or three years old can both show independence and social adaptability, and abruptly switch to hyper-attachment. At this age, we can already talk about the reasons for this behavior and their correction.

Hyper-attachment reasons

In situations where the child is very frightened, or left with an unfamiliar nanny, sent to kindergarten, the demand of the mother and the denial of communication with others is understandable. If the child has dramatically changed his attachments to relatives and requires communication only with the mother, reasons should be found.

Mom's overprotectivenesswhen she does not let go of the baby from herself. The child is just accustomed to always being there, in a nasty situation he feels insecure, seeing the danger both in the life around him and in other people.
Loss of a loved one, when a person who became close to the child, due to the move, divorce, possible tragic events, dropped out of the child's life. The child subconsciously projects the situation onto his mother, thus, he has a fear of losing her.
Indifference and cruelty. If, for example, the father shows excessive rigidity in upbringing, the baby seeks protection from the mother.
Conflicts, stresses, fears. If the baby has negative emotions, memories associated with people who were once close to him, he will also seek the protection of his mother.

Overcoming the problem

If the form of affection of the baby to the mother becomes painful, pay attention to the following tips.

Calmness. Try to avoid conflicts and negative moods in the family. A child, like no one else, reacts sharply to the behavior of his parents and people close to him. Let your baby be aware of the calmness and ease of communication with each member of the family;
Home safety. Make sure that the environment does not become like a minefield for the baby, secure the house, remove dangerous objects. This will allow your child to calmly explore the space around him and not hear the endless "dangerous", "stay out." After all, even if the beloved grandmother always repeats about the danger, the child will decide to replace her communication with his mother, following the instinct of self-preservation;
Gradual weaning. You should not abruptly leave the child to relatives if he is categorically against and starts hysterical. Train him gradually, let the mother leave first for 10-15 minutes, and then increase the time of absence until the child realizes that it is safe and fun with other family members. The main thing is that the relatives staying with the baby take an active part in games, feeding, bathing, so that the child feels cared for and does not get bored;
Wait. Postpone going to work, do not send the baby to kindergarten, do not hire a nanny for the period of adaptation of the crumbs. The dependence on the mother will weaken, and you will be able to free up time for yourself, but for now you should not injure the child's psyche;
Return. Arriving home, the mother should show all her tenderness towards the baby so that the child understands that nothing has changed, and the mother is there.

Remember that you should not overdo it with attention and contact with the baby. You do not need to endlessly call him when you are away, speak on Skype with your child, being at work. Become aware of your own feelings and thoughts, maybe you yourself do not want to let go of the baby.

Treat your child carefully, be patient and kind. The baby's moments of affection pass, perhaps very soon you will miss the time when the baby so needed your hugs and caresses. Cherish the moments spent together, because children grow up so quickly.

Consultation of a social teacher N.A. Kroter

What to do when a child is attached and does not let go of his own mother from himself, does not recognize anyone and does not make contact with other children? Some recommendations of the social educator N.A. Kroter. (a source)

[sc name = ”rsa”]

Try, first of all, to narrow your social circle by communicating at home (in your familiar and safe territory) or on a walk with one or two children and their mothers. Meet with them regularly so that your child gets used to them. Don't talk your toddler into joining them, let the other kids just play around. Let the kid observe them from the sidelines for a while. Gradually he will get used to them, to their presence, and may wish to enter into communication. Stay with him. Try to take part in children's sandbox games, showing your child that these "stranger" children and adults are safe. When the fear of other people passes, after a while (a week, a month), you can begin to gradually expand the circle of "acquaintances". Almost everything depends on your behavior: do not insist that the child play with children, and even more so do not persuade him to stay with strangers. Let him feel (not in words, but in deeds) that you love her and are always there. This will give you confidence and independence. Let your child make sure that communication with other people is his own choice, his will, desire, and not your desire to "free yourself" from him for a while and go about your business.
Be sure to remember the rule: in no case should you scold or punish a child for not wanting to part with his mother. He is not capricious, but seeks security. Only when the mother behaves calmly, confidently and consistently will the baby be able to calm down and begin to let go of the mother from herself, reacting completely normally to her leaving and absence.
To make parting and meeting with the child easier, the mother must first of all decide! It is most important. A mother can make a decision to go to work for a variety of reasons, but whatever the choice is dictated, in no case reproach yourself. It is good if your decision is approved by all family members, but even if it has only subjective reasons, do not torture yourself with doubts and guilt. Toddlers are extremely susceptible to motherhood.
Gradually teach the child to be absent from the mother for a short time. Leaving the room first for 1-2 minutes, and then lengthening the time of absence, but returning before the child begins to cry. Such experiments are best done when the child is calm and busy with something interesting. The child must get used to the fact that the mother can leave for a while and will definitely return to him. It will be useful to teach your child in advance from an early age to the fact that there are also other women (mothers, grandmothers) and, as far as possible, leave your baby during his absence.
Before parting with the child, provide everything. Are you determined? Perfectly! Now think over everything to the smallest household details, so that neither you, nor the child, nor the person who will stay with him, feel unnecessary worries, but feel calm and confident
Create return rituals. Think over the rituals of your return home with the whole family so that the meeting does not turn into a second episode of the home nightmare “mom leaves - mom comes”.
Avoid excessive custody and control and violent methods of influence. Allow your child to learn from their own experience and sometimes be independent and make decisions. Rejoice in the manifestation of independence, emphasize it. A child who feels his own strength and capabilities will stop reacting painfully to the absence of his mother.
Involve the father or other family members in caring for and playing with the child, expanding the child's circle of friends. At the same time, the mother should pay more attention to the child, giving emotional contact (affectionate glance, gentle touches, stroking, hugs), since without this, even the constant presence of the mother nearby does not satisfy the child's emotional needs.
Remember that daily walks in nature, outdoor games in the fresh air will be very useful for the child and strengthen his nervous system.
A mother needs to free herself from excessive anxiety and learn to enjoy life and her baby.
And also take a note: expressions with a particle "do not" ("will not take away", "will not offend", "will not eat") most often have the opposite meaning for children. As well as the words “do not touch, do not” encourage the child to do the opposite. It is better to use such positive phrases as “kind”, “good”, “loves”, “like”, and the like in speech.