Psychologist, founder of the First Children's Academy and the School of Professional Parents, business coach and mother of four (for two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko talks about the true reasons for a baby's tantrum and how to stop a child's tantrum in 2 minutes at any age.
Hi, today we're going to talk about baby tantrums. Almost every parent faced this, but only a few coped. We will talk about their reasons and what parents need to do in order to stop a child's tantrum in a matter of minutes.
Psychologist, founder of the First Children's Academy and the School of Professional Parents, business coach and mother of four (for two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko talks about the true reasons for a baby's tantrum and how to stop a child's tantrum in 2 minutes at any age.
What is hysteria? Causes of occurrence
I don't think you need to look in a reference book to understand the definition of hysteria. All parents are faced with the fact when their children begin to cry loudly, fall to the floor and do not hear a single reasonable argument, and this can be called a hysteria, and it happens at very different ages: at a year, at 2, and at 10 years. And the reasons for hysterics, as a rule, (now I’ll tell my parents what I don’t want to hear) are when we ignore them. And when the children once, perhaps, came up to us, the second or third, they asked us something or looked, or pulled us, and we did not react to them, they choose the ways to which we will have to react and, as a rule, - it is crying, falling, something that we just have to react to.
At what age do tantrums start?
You may be faced with the fact that your child's hysterics will begin even now literally up to a year, but the peak, if you take all the children in the world, is one and a half to two years. This is the moment when they do it often, with pleasure and effectively. And it is very important to understand how to react to it correctly, so that in a matter of minutes it can be simply localized and the child's behavior changed so that he does not have to resort to it all the time.
What to do to stop the tantrum?
There is a simple, universal algorithm that will work for all ages that will allow you to end your child's tantrum in less than 2 minutes. It consists of only five points.
- "React" After hearing the crying of the child, quickly turn your head to the side where he is crying. Talking is prohibited.
- "Join" If he is right in front of your feet, then go down to him or if he is a few steps away, walk up to him. Talking is prohibited.
- "Analysis of the situation" Look at the expression on your child's face. He can cry for a variety of reasons. He may be angry, in despair, that he cannot reach you in any way, he is upset about something, you consider this emotion from his face and ask him - “Are you upset? You're angry? Did you fail? " And it will be such a "bridge" that will allow your child to either nod back to you, or disagree with you, but you have already turned it on. And if you have done this, go to the next point - the fourth.
- "In-depth analysis of the situation"And here you need to understand the reason - what happened ?! You may think one thing, but a child may have something completely different in his head. Just ask - “What happened? Tell me. I want to know if I want to help or tell me what you want. " And the children begin to interact with you. It is very important here not to evaluate what they say, not to criticize and not try to immediately give advice that they need to do something differently. Just listen. Just ask the next question - "Anything else?" When your child has spoken out, go to step five.
- "Answer the child" You may disagree with the fact that he asked you for candy, lollipop, I don’t know, an iPhone, because everyone in the class bought it. If you disagree with him, just tell them, honestly - “I do not plan to do this to you, I understand you, but I do not plan. Because of this, because of this, because of that. Sorry. " If you agree, then say - “My God, thank you for telling me, now I understand exactly what to do. Come on, let's go, let's do it. "
How to understand a child who cannot speak?
There is one very important point here. So, if the child is still not talking and he is hysterical, try to offer him options for answers - "Do you want this?" Show specifically, do not ask, but point at some object, food, or whatever he wants. "Either this or this - show me." And even a small one-year-old child will begin to show what he wants, and you will understand him more. Once you started, he responded to you, which means that you included him in the conversation. Our physiology is so arranged that the hysteria will subside as soon as you enter into a dialogue with your child.
How to prevent hysteria?
And you know, the last thing I want to say is how to prevent a child's tantrum at all. There is only one option to prevent a child's tantrum - is to never ignore him. This does not mean that your time should all be devoted to the child. It simply means that if you hear him and can react to him, react right away, because you don't know how important it is to him. TO, for him, inside, on his scale of values of importance, what he wants to address or say to you. If he doesn't hear an answer from you once, twice or three times, he will choose a method that you still have to respond to. Therefore, react from the very beginning, and the tantrums, as such, will pass altogether. You will forget what it is.
Or maybe you just don't need to pay attention?
Many books advise parents not to pay attention to the behavior of their children when they fall hysterical or cry, so that if you react, it will continue. But, frankly, let's just think logically: if you, as an adult, really want something, and you are ignored over and over again, you will turn the world upside down to get what you want. And your children do the same. So the only way is to start reacting to them quickly and never ignore them.
