How to bring up the qualities of a real man in a boy

In order for a real man to grow from a little boy, it is necessary to put a lot of effort into this. The fact that a boy should grow up healthy and study well is out of the question. It's obvious. The conversation will focus on the psychological side of upbringing, as well as on the pedagogical nuances and subtleties that help to form true masculine qualities in a baby.

Some modern nuances of raising boys

One of the most important conditions in raising a child (regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl) is the presence of an adult nearby. The kid seeks to imitate an adult and take an example from him. First of all, a man should be such an example for a boy. It is better if it is a father, but maybe an older brother, and a grandfather, and an uncle, and a teacher, and even a completely outsider.

However, the problem is that at present most often the child is surrounded not by men, but mainly by women. Kindergarten teachers are women. Most school teachers do too. Children's doctors are women again. In addition, many boys now grow up in single-parent families, and, in most cases, next to their mother, and not with their father.

But even if the family is complete, it is not a fact that the boy will be next to dad. Many fathers do not want to raise their son, believing that this should be done by the mother. Other fathers, due to their infantility, are incapable of full-fledged upbringing of their sons. Still others are overloaded at work to such an extent that they do not have enough energy and time for anything else. Therefore, willy-nilly, it is the mother who has to raise her son and try to make him a real man.

How boys are different from girls

This question is not as simple as it might seem. Until recently, it was believed that apart from the primary sexual characteristics, there are no other differences between newborn girls and boys. However, recent studies have shown that this is far from the case. Girls and boys differ from birth in many physiological and psychological characteristics. Due to these characteristics, from the very beginning of life, boys and girls develop in different ways.

Boys have much more testosterone in their blood than girls. But estrogen, on the contrary, is more in girls. Brains work differently in boys and girls. When a girl makes a decision or performs some action, both hemispheres of the brain work for her in this case. In a boy in exactly the same situation, only the right hemisphere is involved.

Therefore, the psychology and perception of the world for boys and girls are significantly different. Boys are much more likely to find themselves in adventurous situations. In addition, they are more likely to commit accidents and crimes. For the same reason, boys have three times more suicides and attempted suicides than girls.

And this is far from all the innate psychological characteristics of boys. To raise a boy properly, you need to know:

Due to the peculiarities of the nervous system and hearing aids, boys cannot withstand high sounds for a long time. Low tones are perceived by them much better. First of all, the mother should take this into account and try not to raise her voice to her son. When the mother screams, the child does not think about the meaning of the words said by the mother, but about how he can better protect himself from his mother's high voice;
It is always important for boys how their performance is evaluated. In this case, the assessment should be as specific as possible, broken down "on the shelves";
It is much more difficult for a boy, unlike a girl, to observe some stereotypes: rules of behavior, daily routine, putting himself in order;
Physical work for boys is much easier than mental work.

All this must be taken into account when raising boys.

How to raise a boy correctly: general rules

For all the time of its existence, mankind has invented many ways of raising boys. There are Slavic, Cossack, Spartan, Germanic, Scandinavian ways - you can't count all of them. Despite the difference in educational methods, all these methods have one thing in common: to make a real man out of a boy. Let's talk about this in more detail (of course, adjusted for the time in which we live).

First, let's touch on the general rules of education:

It is very important when the baby has self-esteem. This forms independence in him. Of course, at the same time it is necessary to ensure that such a feeling cannot develop into childish tyranny and tyranny over parents;
Starting from a very early age, the boy must be made to understand that any business started must always be completed;
The boy should play sports. Sport gives a lot: it develops physical endurance and dexterity, increases self-discipline, and what is commonly called “the feeling of elbows” (especially in team sports), teaches you to survive defeat with dignity and not gloat over a defeated opponent;
One of the most important advantages of a real man is a sense of responsibility for the people who are with him, as well as for the work that he performs. This feeling of a child must be taught from an early age. Otherwise, a childish egoism will appear instead, which will then grow into adult egoism;
Another feeling that needs to be taught to a child from an early age is mercy. This is a very necessary feeling for the formation of a true masculine character: it includes love, compassion, the desire to help another person and much more.

From general rules to specific rules

1) The son should be given as much freedom as possible. At the same time, you need to understand: freedom is not permissiveness. Some reasonable limits must always be present. It is bad when such restrictions grow into an almost total ban.

Phrases like "Don't run fast - you will break your knee", "Don't get in - you will fall", "Don't touch - you will hurt yourself", "Don't do it - we ourselves" and the like, the boy should hear as little as possible. Education of excessive diligence, accuracy, caution, prudence will almost certainly lead to a distortion of his masculine nature. He will grow up insecure, afraid of everything, he may develop nervous diseases, stuttering, allergies, he can often get sick. Raised in the spirit of "no", the boy is not able to stand up for the weak or for the girl, to rebuff the offender. It will be difficult for him to overcome difficulties and strive to achieve any reasonable goals, that is, he will grow up not as a real, but as an infantile man.

2) The boy should have a positive example to follow. Starting from the age of three, the boy, by his nature, moves away from his mother and tries to get closer to those men who surround him. When a child turns six, it becomes a necessity for him to communicate with men. At this age, he seeks to imitate men, tries to repeat their words, imitates their behavior, etc. The best example to follow is his father. Therefore, dad should spend as much time with his son as possible.

But modern realities are such that often the father is not with the baby and cannot be due to the fact that the child grows up in an incomplete family. In this case, the mother needs to try so that her son at least occasionally could communicate with some other man: grandfather, uncle, some other relative. Or, as an option, send your son to a circle or sports section, where the coach is a man. For obvious reasons, it is highly undesirable to try to introduce a child to a “stranger's uncle”.

Alternatively, you can replace a real man with a fictional one. For this, child psychologists are advised to find a book or film character with true masculine qualities. And even better - a grandfather or other relative who bravely fought at the front or heroically worked. Having hung his portrait on the wall, mom needs to talk about this character or grandfather as often as possible, discuss his actions with her son, unobtrusively comparing these actions with those of her son. Voluntarily or involuntarily, the boy will compare himself and his actions with the actions of a book character or a heroic grandfather, which will help him form his true masculine qualities.

3) A good family atmosphere is needed to raise a real man. Every child needs mutual understanding, love, respect, harmony in the family. The apparent or true severity of a father towards his son must be within reason. The father, like the mother, should be gentle to his son. With this, he will not spoil the child, but, on the contrary, will help him grow up loving, sensitive, not notorious, capable of showing sympathy.

4) A boy should not be afraid to express what he is feeling. Open expression of feelings is very important for character building. If the boy wanted to cry - let him cry, and do not reproach him for being "unmanly". On the contrary, one must understand: in this way the child makes it clear that he is feeling bad. Empathy, consolation, and joint efforts to understand the reasons for crying are much better than ridicule and reproach.

The same is true for the joy shown by the child. It is unreasonable to dismiss children's laughter, or not pay attention to it at all. On the contrary, one must share the joy with his son, realizing that, most likely, he is proud of his first male successes and victories. Joint joy about this will instill in the boy self-confidence, which is important for the formation of a true masculine character.

5) Don't be afraid to openly admit your mistakes. The ability to say to yourself “I'm wrong” and to apologize for being wrong is another important trait of a man's character. Mom and Dad should not be afraid that an open and sincere admission of their wrongness in front of their son will harm him and drop their parental authority in the eyes of the sons. On the contrary, this will help him in many ways: seeing that his parents are sincere in front of him and are ready to ask for forgiveness, the son, following their example, will also grow up capable of realizing his mistakes and asking for forgiveness for them.

6) The boy must learn to empathize. Helping parents or friends, giving an old lady a seat on the bus, feeding birds or a stray kitten are all primary signs of empathy and compassion. The role of the parents in this case is extremely important. It is necessary to explain to the baby that this is nothing special and that he should always act this way, because these are the actions of a real man.

7) Raising courage and courage in a boy. The baby should learn these character traits from early childhood. To protect the weak, not to be afraid of the strong, not to be afraid of the dark, to courageously endure pain - all these are manifestations of boyish courage, from which real male courage and courage will subsequently form. You should not make tragedies out of the fact that sometimes your son returns home with a broken nose: a fight for a boy is a very important element of self-education, it is this that forms stamina and courage in him. It is the duty of the parents (especially the father) to find out the reasons for the fight, and if the son fought for a just cause, praise him, explaining that it is better to try to do without a fight next time.

8) The boy should be instilled with a sense of beauty. Such a feeling is extremely necessary for a real man, otherwise he can grow into a "one-sided" creature with strong muscles, but a flawed soul. We must strive to ensure that from early childhood a boy can distinguish the beautiful from the ugly - both around him and in his own soul. Having learned such differences, he will then grow up to be a man capable of appreciating the beauty of nature, painting, woman, music, etc.

9) It is necessary to teach the child to handle technology. Considering that technology plays a very important role in modern life, a real man should understand it. It is clear that it is not necessary to demand any particularly deep knowledge of a computer, washing machine or car from a child, but basic knowledge in this area is necessary. Here, again, the example of a dad is very important, who should, together with his son, repair broken household appliances and appliances as often as possible, explaining along the way what is arranged in them and how.

10) The child should receive proper sex education. It is also a very important condition for shaping the future of a man. First of all, the boy must be taught correct hygiene: of course, it will be better if the father starts teaching this child. The next parental task is to explain to the son that he is a man, and girls are the opposite sex.

Moreover, general explanations are not enough here. It is extremely important to teach the boy to behave correctly with the representatives of the opposite sex - girls. From 10-12 years of age, boys need to know general information about sex and childbirth. In addition, they should talk about the changes in the intimate plan that will happen to them and explain that this is a natural process and stage of growing up for every man.

It is clear that these are not all the requirements for the upbringing of boys. Someone can add their own requirements and rules, which should also help to ensure that a full-fledged man grows from a boy.

Features of raising a boy from birth to adolescence

From birth to 3 years. Until a child is three years old, his gender does not really matter. Both the boy and the girl are raised almost the same. During this period, the baby is more with mom than with dad. The mother of the child feeds, takes care of him, ensures his comfort and safety. A boy and a girl pronounce and do the first words and first steps in the same way.
3-4 years old. From the age of three, children are able to distinguish dad from mom, uncle from aunt - that is, they can distinguish everyone around them by gender. Here, parents already need to pay specific attention to their son - that is, to educate in him such masculine qualities as strength, endurance, dexterity, courage. For now, the boy can play with both "boyish" and "girlish" toys. You should not be afraid of this: it will in no way affect the formation of his masculine character.
5 to 7 years old. This age period is not much different from the previous one. As before, the main thing for the baby (regardless of whether he is a boy or a girl) is parental care, tenderness and affection. Although from time to time the boy needs to be reminded that he is a boy, not a girl. With this reminder, the boy begins to recognize himself as a male, and by the age of seven he usually moves away emotionally from his mother and becomes closer to his father.
8 to 10 years old. Usually at this age, the boy finally forms the belief that he is a male. Parents play a special role here. They should try to keep the same trusting relationship between them and their son, which will be very useful when the son becomes a teenager. Closer to the age of 10, a boy can show aggression, be rude to his parents and act contrary to them. You should not be afraid of this: in this way, the son shows the instinctive signs of a man - defending his own opinion and his territory.
Teenage years. Raising a teenage son is a purposeful instilling in him of many basic masculine qualities: responsibility for his words and deeds, truthfulness, courage, etc.The role of the parents is still of no small importance, but at the same time, the teenage son is already trying to escape from parental care, spending a long time with peers and friends. It is in adolescence that a boy usually shows the qualities that were laid in him earlier. Therefore, it is so important to bring up a real man in a boy from an early age.

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Typical mistakes when raising a boy

Of course, in such a complex matter as bringing up the qualities of a real man in a boy, one cannot do without mistakes. You don't have to be afraid of this: you need to know mistakes in order not to repeat them in the future. Here is a list of the most common parenting mistakes:

Excessive severity: parents believe that in this way they can bring up masculinity in their son. This pedagogical approach can lead the child to withdraw, become aggressive, or lie. In addition, he may develop disorders of the nervous system (tics, convulsions, stuttering, seizures);
Fitting a child to a certain fictional "ideal" without taking into account his individual characteristics;
Indulging the whims and selfish inclinations of the baby, as a result of which not true masculine qualities can form in him, but selfishness and infantilism;
Inconsistency, or, in other words, reproaches and praise for doing the same thing. By doing this, parents contribute to the fact that their son stops distinguishing between what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong;
Frequent parental quarrels in the presence of a son;
Inconsistent parental behavior, expressed in the fact that one of them forbids the child everything, while the other, on the contrary, allows too much;
Frequent criticism of the son and comparing him with other children is not in favor of the child;
Imposing negative attitudes such as “Nothing will come of you”, “You can’t do anything,” “No girl will be friends with you,” etc. As a result, the child can believe in it and stop developing intellectually, physically and spiritually;
Ignoring the role of physical education and over-emphasizing science. The most correct approach in this case is a reasonable alternation of both. Strength and endurance are far from the very last qualities of a man's personality.

Of course, life does not end after adolescence. A boy becomes a boy. However, raising a boy and raising a young man are in many ways two different topics.