I am an ordinary young woman. I have a husband, a son, a beloved cat. I live in an ordinary city, work in an unremarkable job as an ordinary employee. My apartment is also not outstanding in any way - an ordinary "kopeck piece".
When I am at home, I am always in sight. My husband and son constantly see and hear me. I love my husband and son very much. And they love me too. Therefore, at any time they can call out to me, ask a question and want to hear my answer, show or tell me something, hug, kiss, hang around their neck, look into a saucepan, get into my computer ...
At first, I thought that it should be so, that this is family life. And therefore she treated everything with patience and understanding. But gradually I began to feel that I was getting tired. I began to understand that I needed a personal space where I could be alone, and in which for some time I could hide from all kinds of worries, from my husband, son and even a cat. Not because I don't like them, but simply - to relax and gain strength.
Every normal person needs a personal space. You could even say - in your personal world, in which from time to time you could hide, read a book, think, or just close your eyes and relax. Especially when you are not only a wife, but also a mother, and you give your child most of your time. Some psychologists call this desire a "reset." The same psychologists have divided the concept of "personal space" into several components, which I want to talk about in more detail.
Personal space is a normal human need. You don't need to feel guilty about wanting to take a break from your own child and be alone in general.
Personal time
This is the most important need of every person, including, of course, a woman, wife, mother. It has long been proven that the absence of personal time not only depresses a person psychologically, but also leads to various physical diseases. This is especially true for us women, with our delicate nervous system and psychological characteristics. It often seems to us that if we leave home for a while, do not cook dinner, do not redo a bunch of other everyday household chores, then it will be akin to a disaster, and for this reason the world will collapse completely and irrevocably.
However, this is the only way it seems to us. Many things can easily be done absolutely without our, female participation. You just need to be able to distribute our daily responsibilities. Some things can be done perfectly by the husband, some by the mother-in-law, and some - they can wait until tomorrow or even the day after tomorrow.
And then - we will have personal time! How you will spend it - should not concern anyone, because this is your personal time, and not someone else's. You can just sleep, read a book or spend time at the computer, you can go to a hairdresser, go shopping, or just sit on a park bench. And there is no need to be tormented by the conscience that while you are engaged in personal affairs, your child, your husband and your cat are not fed, groomed and warmed at this very time. On the contrary, it should be understood that after taking a break from everyday worries, you will come in a great mood, which in the end will have the best effect on the child and husband.
Personal items
Items that only the woman uses and no one else in the family is also a very important part of personal space. For me, this is primarily my computer and phone. Of course, not right away, but gradually I made sure that no one touched the computer and phone without my permission. A computer and a telephone are part of my personal space to which I have the right, and therefore I ask you to respect my right.
The kitchen sink and utensils are also my personal space. I never allow guests (even my beloved mother-in-law) to wash the dishes in my kitchen. And not because I am so ungrateful and unable to accept help, I just know that all the plates, lids, spoons will not be laid out in the way that suits me. I used to be ashamed of it, but now I say with pride: This is my personal space!
Personal place
There can be no personal space without personal space. Of course, if you have a large apartment with a separate children's room, a separate office for your husband, as well as several other separate rooms, then find a secluded place for yourself in which you could hide from everyone for a while and be alone with yourself , - not a problem. It is much more difficult to find such a place in a cramped two-room apartment in which I live with my husband and son. But even here, if you wish, you can find a personal place for yourself.
It could be some kind of fenced off corner. Or - a desk. Or - a chair in which you can relax and disconnect from the outside world for a while. A kitchen or bathroom is well suited for these purposes. It is great if you have a glazed balcony or loggia, which will also give you the opportunity to be alone with yourself.
Personal information
This is another extremely important piece of personal space. My computer is the repository of my personal information. The letters that I write to someone and the answers to them, my correspondence in social networks, my favorite sites, the addresses of my interlocutors - all this is my a priori, and nobody else's.
In fact, I do not hide anything from my loved ones. I protect my personal information for other reasons. I want to prove that I have the right to have something exclusively personal, which concerns only me and no one else. It doesn't matter what it is: a list of recipes, a photo album with old photos, or something else.
How to explain to loved ones that you need personal space
It may happen that a woman's attempts to reclaim personal space for herself will be met with a lack of understanding among household members. First of all, of course, the husband, but also the children. Or your other relatives and friends, if they live with you under the same roof or visit you. What should be done in this case?
- Try to explain that you need a personal space in which you want to be alone in order to relax, escape from the daily hustle and bustle and gain fresh strength. At the same time, it is extremely important not to scandalize, not to shout, but to try to explain calmly, logically and intelligibly. At first, trying to explain to my household my need for personal space, I switched to raised tones, but I soon realized that it would be much better to say something like this: yesterday I did not rest, and therefore I was angry and agitated. Today, having rested, I prepared a wonderful dinner, and after dinner we can all be together and do things together or enjoy our favorite pastimes;
- Show everything by your own examples. Let's say knock if you want to go to the nursery. Maybe not right away, but, nevertheless, your child will begin to take an example from you, and will also ask permission to enter your room or your corner, which you consider to be your personal space. The second important factor is to consider that your husband may also have his own personal space. And therefore, if the husband has retired and is engaged in some kind of business, one should treat this with understanding and respect. Then the husband will likewise begin to treat your periodic seclusion;
- Asking for help. If a woman does not explain to her loved ones that she needs rest, and therefore she needs to be alone, then the household will simply not understand this. Especially men (husband, sons). This is their male psychology, and there is no need to be angry with them for this. I told my men directly that I was tired, I needed their help and understanding, and that the best way for me to relax was to be alone for a while. In the end, after many explanations, my men understood me.
A woman's personal space is a psychological and physical necessity. However, explaining to your loved ones that you have not only the right to do this, but also feel the need for it, takes a long time, painstakingly and carefully - until they understand. But when they understand, then everything in your family life will be fine. Having retired and rested, you will begin to fulfill family responsibilities with renewed vigor and desire. I have achieved that I have personal space, which I wish for all of you.
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