Unfortunately, many adults forget too quickly that they were once small. All those mistakes in upbringing that their parents used to make, they transfer to their children, not realizing that often a carelessly defended word can firmly "sit" in a child's head and become a source of serious psychological problems in the future. It is worth remembering, for example, the most unfair and insulting remarks that moms and dads still express to children.
1. Nobody asks you
An attempt to "shut up" a child's mouth is just an example of a situation that can seriously affect the formation of his personality in the future. Many parents underestimate their children, believing that they simply cannot have any serious thoughts. And then they worry that the baby is growing indifferent, lacking in initiative, immersed in his inner world. Be sure to allow your child to express themselves, even if he wants to say a little thing. In the future, this will greatly facilitate his communication in a team.
2. Yours is nothing here
So parents say, wishing to emphasize the child's complete dependence on them. Even if mom and dad are trying to show the kid in this way that things don't come out of nowhere, to teach him to value money and other people's work, then the wording is extremely poorly chosen. If you buy a toy or a new suit for your baby, then both you and he must clearly understand that this thing is now his property. After visiting your friends, you do not start claiming the rights to the toaster that you presented to the hostess last Christmas!
Of course, the child should know that everything does not appear out of thin air and for a reason, and that adults are making an effort to acquire something. But to know that in fact everything that he has does not belong to him only because he, for objective reasons, is not able to afford it, this is just delirium and madness, you know.
3. We don't owe you anything
When a husband and wife decide to have a child, they automatically take on a huge amount of responsibility towards the future baby. Moreover, the obligations are both psychological and quite official, which are regulated by law. Caring for a child is a constitutional duty of parents. The Family Code of the Russian Federation contains a whole chapter that establishes their rights and obligations in relation to children. Trying to prove to a child that this is not so is outright deception. Why did you even have children then if you don't want to be responsible?
You owe him at least basic care, a roof over your head, food and eight hugs a day.
4. Father is coming!
Sometimes fathers actually play the role of the "evil cop". More often, such an image is created not even by the dads themselves, but by the mothers, who have exhausted all means of influencing the naughty child, and decided to resort to the threat of the next level. At the same time, the dad may not even have a thought to punish the child, but the image of a possible father's anger is so deeply rooted in the child's consciousness that it further interferes with adequate communication between fathers and children. Needless to say, how important is male upbringing for a child and what will he lose if he fails to establish contact with his father? Self-doubt, lack of discipline, lack of ambition are just a small list of possible problems.
5. All children are like children, and you ...
The surest way to offend a child is to make it clear that, it turns out, his parents do not like him, and all other children seem to them much more attractive: smarter, neater, more diligent, calmer ... In this case it does not matter, only one thing is important: the mother considers that they are better. The child develops complexes: he is “not like that”, does not deserve parental love, he cannot do anything ...
First, of course, it is not clear where the parents got this information that “all children are like children”. Secondly, this sounds, it seems, more offensive than anything else - it turns out that the parents do not like you, and all the other children seem to them much more attractive, although they have no idea that the neighbor's boy rips off the beetles' heads. Paradox - why is he better than me?
In fact, it often happens that parents know very well that such things cannot be said to children. They do not think so at all, and all these phrases burst from them in the heat of the moment, in a fit of irritation and anger. It is all the more important when communicating with a child to control oneself and not allow unfair remarks.
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