Discipline - the rules of behavior of an individual that correspond to the norms accepted in society or the requirements of the rules of the order. It is impossible to make a child disciplined in one day, but consistently instilling in him important rules of behavior, you can achieve excellent results. So, we read about the ten golden rules of discipline for a child.
For many of us, the word discipline evokes unpleasant associations from childhood associated with strict rules of behavior, pressure, punishment for disobedience (for example, when in a children's camp we did not want to line up in pairs, and at school we did not want to wear school uniforms).
We all want to raise our children as open and relaxed as possible, but practice shows that excessive freedom of action can negatively affect a child's behavior. And vice versa: a clearly built system of rules of behavior makes the child's life more organized, comfortable and understandable.
Evgeny Tarasov psychologist, Moscow:
Many modern mothers and fathers want to raise their children as “free” and self-confident as possible. And they often naively believe that babies will become like that if they grow up in a space without rules. Meanwhile, permissiveness does not at all guarantee the upbringing of a strong personality from a child. Rather the opposite. If the child was allowed everything up to a certain age, he will assume that this will continue in the future. But reality will still make its own adjustments. This can happen at a party, where he will be reprimanded for ugly behavior, or in kindergarten. Of course, parents can protect the heir from the harsh reality up to some point (choose a private kindergarten, register for home schooling at school), but all the same, sooner or later, he will face it. And it will be difficult for him to come to terms with her.
When to start disciplining
In this, psychologists and educators are unanimous: as early as possible. Remember when the famous Soviet teacher Makarenko was asked when to start raising a child if at the moment he is 6 months old? He replied that it was necessary to start 6 months ago. About the same with discipline, the sooner you start to vaccinate (of course, not hard, but gently, but persistently), the better for the child.
Of course, disciplining a small child is not an easy task, to put it mildly. Especially when it is already hard for parents, due to the workload and dynamism of the lifestyle, when it is not always possible to adhere to the rules of discipline ourselves. But, believe me, without discipline it is much more difficult. Leaving everything to chance, you risk turning the life of your family into complete chaos, filling it with endless stress and worries. Even basic everyday situations (shopping, walking, queuing, visiting government agencies, etc.) can turn into a real hell if the child does not have a clear understanding of how to behave in a particular situation.
Of course, the rules should not be too rigid and dictatorial. They should be delivered in such a way that the child understands that they are needed for his own good. And, of course, sometimes there may be exceptions.
Psychologist's advice:
The signs of indiscipline are similar to “protest” behavior. It can be caused by conflicting relationships in the family or in the children's team. And they can also be the result of the child's hyperactivity, or, conversely, the result of his intellectual and "motor" passivity. And therefore, it is advisable to understand the reasons for the baby's indiscipline - this will help to quickly start his upbringing in the right direction.
Instilling discipline in your child: valuable recommendations
Here are 10 proven parenting tips to improve your child's discipline:
- Try to clearly define for yourself which rules of behavior you want to instill in your child. Maybe it's primarily the rules of behavior at the table or strict adherence to the daily routine. Think about your childhood years and the parenting methods that your parents applied to you. Take note of what you think is right.
- Any rules and norms instilled in a child, always confirm by your own example. If you yourself are not disciplined, how can you demand discipline from your child? For example, prepare to leave for work in advance so that there is no frantic morning rush to find your wallet or pass.
- Never push or bully your child. This can lead to the exact opposite result (for example, a child whom you are trying to teach early reading, in response to your pressure, may refuse to pick up a book at all). Try to act softly but aggressively in a friendly and explanatory tone. As they say, water wears away a stone.
- Be consistent and follow your goal to the end... You yourself must adhere to your family's rules of conduct. For example, it is not customary for you to watch TV while eating. And the kid insists: they say, I won't eat fishcake without the cartoon. Well, tell me, don't eat, but know that there will be no more food before dinner. However, the TV rule should apply to adults as well. That is, dad does not watch football either, and mom doesn’t watch the series while eating.
- The more rituals in your family, the more the parents themselves are subject to the routine, the easier it is for the child to do what is asked of him. Show by your own example that rules, family rituals and traditions are great, they really unite the family (for example, the rule is to have dinner together at the table, share impressions and news about the past day).
- Clearly delineate the boundaries of what is allowed and what is not allowed... Illustrate your arguments with illustrative examples (the road can only be crossed by a pedestrian crossing so as not to get hit by a car, you cannot talk to strangers, because you can get into trouble). And from early childhood, begin to invest in the child the notion that his freedom ends where the freedom of another person begins (you cannot take someone else's, and even more so).
- Agree on the behaviors you want to instill with your spouse (and other family members) so that you become a united front... Situations when one of the parents prohibits something, while the other permits is unacceptable. For example, mom asks to wash her plate, and dad, wanting to please the child, allows her not to wash it. This is how the child learns to adapt and manipulate others. “Oh, mom didn't allow? I'm going to see my dad. "
- Watch your tone. The tone of the parental demand should be friendly-explanatory rather than imperative. Any prohibition is difficult for a child, and if it is pronounced angrily, it becomes doubly difficult.
- Try to build trust with your child... Learn not only to listen to him, but also to hear, to listen to his opinion, to show that it is also very important to you. Let your baby also offer a way out of a conflict situation. After such a "heart to heart" conversation, spend at least some time with him, read to him, play some game with him. It strengthens relationships, builds trust.
- Feel free to admit your mistakes... Show your kid that even adults sometimes make mistakes, it is important to recognize and correct your mistakes in time. Do not be afraid to apologize (even in a slightly humorous form) to the baby if you unreasonably punished him "in the heat of passion". But at the same time, try to explain to him how you will act in another similar case, and always keep this promise.
And one more important note: the rules in the family should be set by parents (adults), and not vice versa!
