Tears of happiness, a sea of congratulations, flowers, smiles, the first meeting with your baby, the first breastfeeding immediately after childbirth ... However, this is all, unfortunately, not about you. Premature birth, alas, evokes completely opposite emotions and leaves far from positive memories. You are replaying the same thing a hundred times over in your memory: your feelings, fear of the unknown and silence ... Silence is very depressing, especially if the baby is so weak that after birth he did not scream. What to do? The only correct solution is to think about it as little as possible and not remember, because there are already enough problems.
Pregnancy is wonderful, but a woman does not always manage to deliver a baby before the due date, and a baby may be born earlier than parents and doctors expected. Every year around 15 million newborns are born prematurely around the world.
If your child was born prematurely, there is no need to despair. Just be prepared to mentally pass the test that fate has sent. Yes, there are many difficulties ahead (primarily psychological) that you must cope with.
Childbirth clouded by premature
Tears of happiness, a sea of congratulations, flowers, smiles, the first meeting with your baby, the first breastfeeding immediately after childbirth ... However, this is all, unfortunately, not about you. You are replaying the same thing a hundred times in your memory: your feelings, fear of the unknown and silence ... Silence is very depressing, especially if the baby is so weak that after birth he did not scream. What to do? The only correct solution is to think about it as little as possible and not to remember, because there are already enough problems.
Too little information
To your question: "What's wrong with the baby?" doctors do not give a concrete answer, the information is dry and there is little of it. It hurts to hear such phrases: “You didn’t report half the term, what do you want to hear?”, “The day has passed, the baby is alive, thank God!”, “The first days for premature babies are always critical, at any moment something terrible can happen” ... what do you do in this situation?
Try (as much as possible), regardless of your emotional state, to understand the doctors. They are really afraid, as they say, to guess, because the baby is very weak. You just have to be patient!
And one more tip: learn to independently assess the condition of the newborn: if the complexion does not have a bluish tint, then this indicates that breathing is normal, the saturation on the monitor should be within 100. And the fewer devices that are used to support the breathing of the baby, all the better. If the child was transferred from mechanical ventilation to CPAP, this is already a positive trend, which means, a small victory.
Constant fear of the unknown
He pursues you constantly, because you think about the baby around the clock, learn the diagnoses, possible consequences. Firstly, to begin with, calm down, your worries and nervousness will not benefit your little one. Second, try to look for only positive information. In this matter, internet forums are good support to build your confidence. Remember that about 85% of premature babies are safely nursed.
Possible separation from the baby
Not all maternity hospitals and perinatal centers allow you to stay with your child. Quite often, a woman is discharged, and the baby is left in the hospital. It also happens that the baby is transferred to another department or hospital for the next stage of nursing, and the mother is not put in for a certain time (for example, while the baby is in the incubator or until the wards are empty). Some departments do not initially provide for the joint stay of mother and child. This situation is one of the most powerful tests for a woman. How to behave in this case, what to do?
Take care of your baby at a distance:
- Maintain lactation and, if possible, transport expressed milk to the hospital;
- knitting for the baby, because he will need both socks and hats, these products are necessary for premature babies (there are whole groups on the Internet dedicated to this). Knitting will calm you down too;
- prepare for discharge by purchasing everything you need.
Feeling of an unfinished pregnancy
At first, it will be hard for you to look at pregnant women, especially those who are in their last stages and already have a large belly. After all, you did not have time to be like that. A sling will help to cope with this condition (when the baby is already at home). You should more often tie up the child to yourself, in this position and the baby, and you will feel calmer, and thoughts that you “did not inform” will pass faster.
Guilt
Mothers who had premature babies have thoughts: “I didn’t inform, it means that I am to blame for everything, and the child suffers because of me”. For many moms, guilt is simply oppressive. However, let's see why premature birth occurs. This can be due to a low placenta previa, the structure of the uterus, swelling, an infection that can enter the body from a coughing bystander, and many other reasons. And the woman's fault is not here, unless she unloaded the cars and pushed the car, which could provoke childbirth.
Let go of feelings of guilt, understand objectively in your situation.
Breast problems
First, to squeeze colostrum out of oneself drop by drop, then to fight the rush of milk, which is clearly too much for a premature baby, and at the same time not to lose lactation is a difficult task faced by a woman after a premature birth. Breast pumps and frequent pumping (every three hours, even at night) help with this.
No doubt, the occupation is tedious and not very pleasant. Especially when most of the milk is poured into the sink. But this procedure is simply necessary! After all, every day the child eats more and more, and the day is not far off when you try to attach it to your breast.
A losing comparison of your toddler's development with other children
The problem of prematurity will worry you for more than one year, because you are constantly comparing your child with other babies born on time. The friend's child is already walking, and yours has just begun to crawl. Comparisons keep popping into your head, and you are constantly on the losing end in terms of real age and gestational age.
What should you do?
Listen to doctors and follow their recommendations, and not listen to neighbors and friends, and not compare with those children who were born on time. Do not sit idly by: periodically undergo hens massages, stimulation, rehabilitation, and work with the child. If you see that the child is developing, but the process is slower, do not worry, give him time, do not rush, he has his own pace.
Enjoy the moment as children grow up very quickly.
By the children's neurologist Kolesnikov Yuri Alexandrovich
