Adopting a child is a very important step. The desire to adopt a foster baby is perhaps an even more serious decision than having one of your own. And you need to accept it with full responsibility, realizing that you will not have a way back. Let us dwell in more detail on the difficulties that lie in wait for people who decide to become foster parents.
Collection of documents
Many prospective adoptive parents, after contacting the guardianship and guardianship department, are frightened by the paperwork associated with adoption. And they stop considering this option, believing that it is easier to fly into space than to adopt a child.
The main requirement that decimates those who wish is the level of income and a strict standard for living space: 14 square meters for each family member, including the adopted child. He will also need to provide a separate sleeping place and a table for training sessions. A separate room is required for an HIV-infected baby and a disabled child.
If you are determined to accept a baby into the family, you should start collecting the necessary documents. You need to prove your legal capacity as a parent: fill out a questionnaire, provide a marriage certificate (single parents also have a chance to become an adoptive parent), confirm the availability of housing, official work and stable earnings. There are also limitations: the presence of a criminal record and serious illnesses (tuberculosis, mental disorders, alcoholism, etc.). Their full list is given in article 127 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation.
Form of adoption of a child into a family
If all the documents are in order, then the family faces a problem - what form of child acceptance to choose. Let's take a look at the two most common ones: foster care and adoption.
- Guardianship
Guardianship implies the acceptance of a child as a child being raised. It is established over children who have not reached the age of 14, and can be unlimited or appointed for a specific period. The state pays a monthly allowance for the child under guardianship, and upon reaching the age of 18, housing is allocated. However, guardianship involves active intervention in the affairs of the family by the relevant authorities. You won't be able to change the date of birth, and changing the child's last name is difficult. It should be remembered that at any time other applicants for custody or adoption of a child may appear.
- Adoption
When adopted, the baby finds a full-fledged family with all the rights and responsibilities. You can change his date of birth, assign your last name and patronymic. The adopted child receives the right of inheritance, just like your own children, and in the event of a divorce, the right to child support. If the adoption is canceled, the court, based on the interests of the child, may oblige you to pay funds for its maintenance.
Child adaptation
Many abandoned children have serious problems with adaptation in a foster family. If the parents took a baby from the orphanage, then special problems may not arise, since he has not yet had a negative educational experience. A child over two years old, who has seen enough of the scandals between biological mom and dad, can react sharply to a loud voice and be afraid of any rustle. It is even more difficult for adolescents who have already lived a difficult life and have learned to adapt to it in a not always "legal" way.
Foster parents are often afraid that children will develop poor heredity. Therefore, adults live in constant stress and look for deficiencies in the development and behavior of the child. Noticing bad inclinations, parents begin to think that they can do nothing with bad inclinations, and are disappointed in their choice.
Practice shows that many difficulties arise through the fault of adults. They are afraid to punish the adopted baby if he does not obey, because they think that he will consider himself unloved and a stranger. Remember that proper upbringing in most cases allows you to correct your emotional state, get rid of negative habits.
The truth about adoption
Each adoptive parent sooner or later asks himself a difficult question: should a child, who has already become a family, tell the truth about adoption? Let's try to figure out what can happen if you keep a secret.
It seems to many parents that the truth about the appearance of a child in the family can permanently cripple his life. You seem to be trying on this situation for yourself, thinking about how you would feel if your beloved parents suddenly turned out to be non-native. Of course, this would be a serious blow.
On the other hand, where is the guarantee that the child will not find this truth in the documents or will not be told by numerous "well-wishers"? Finding out that you are adopted from strangers is much more unpleasant. Not only are mom and dad not relatives, but also, it turns out that they lied to you all their lives. In such a case, mistrust and disappointment, as well as numerous problems, are inevitable.
Whether or not to tell the truth to a step-child is up to you. But if your offspring, upon learning that he is not native, will feel an atmosphere of love and understanding, serious conflicts should not arise.
The decision on the adoption or custody of a child must be carefully considered and must be agreed with all family members. Any impulse, even the kindest, is inappropriate here. After all, a fleeting pity for the fate of the unfortunate baby can turn into big problems. Do not forget that repeated refusal or return of a child to an orphanage can cause serious trauma to the child's psyche.
We also read:
- 16 ways to make your child happy
- 25 tips on how to raise your child in love and peace
Remember that your love, concern, patience and willingness to overcome all difficulties will be the starting point in creating a happy family.
