Baby tantrum in the store: how to react to parents

“Buy, buy, buy!” - such crying cries can be heard in almost any store. How do parents respond? Advice from psychologists and mothers.

Many young mothers face such a problem when a small child throws a tantrum in the store, demanding some kind of toy or sweets. Very often, such hysterical states become a real torment. The child falls to the floor, screams, bangs his head. It is almost impossible to calm the baby down. Why does the kid arrange such demonstration performances? How can you help him in such a situation? Let's try to find the answer to this question.

Sudden hysteria in the store: how to behave for parents

"Buy, buy, buy!"- such crying screams can be heard in almost any store. Of course, it's not a pity to buy, but then after a while such scenes become more and more frequent, and the apartment begins to look like a small toy store.

How to behave in such a situation? Parents should choose their own behavior tactics. Such extremely unpleasant moments compromise the mother in front of others. She becomes ashamed of her child, who is hysterical over little things. And here you can already spit on your principles and buy the crumbs what he wants or stand his ground to the last.

You can follow the child's lead, you can buy him whatever he wants. If you buy him what he wants, the hysteria will stop in a moment and you will breathe a sigh of relief. But where is the guarantee that going to the next shelf, your young manipulator will not arrange another demonstration performance when he sees another toy. The more often you indulge your baby, the more often tantrums will be (after a few successful experiments, your child will use tantrum as a way to get whatever his heart desires from you). Not only will the child spoil your nerves, he himself will not benefit from such behavior. Over time, hysterical seizures will begin to appear in kindergarten or even at school, which will become a huge problem for educators and teachers (after all, he will demand everything that he needs at the moment from educators and teachers). Peers will not understand a hysterical child either, and this will already interfere with normal communication in the children's team.

If mom has decided not to buy, then you need to strictly stand your ground. Do not pay attention to others, do not listen to their advice, do not be afraid to be judged. Believe me, thousands of parents in different parts of the world are faced with such whims of children in stores every day. And there is nothing to be ashamed of! Don't think about how you look from the outside, focus on the child's behavior. If the hysteria persists, it is best to leave the store with the baby and come back for shopping next time. It is easy to succumb to a childish whim, much more difficult to refuse. If you decide not to buy anything, be sure to keep your word and do not doubt the correctness of the decision.

“A child needs your love most when he least deserves it.”Czech psychologist Erma Bombek

Tantrum provoking factors

Most often, tantrums appear at the age of three (this is the so-called "crisis of three years"). During this period, the baby is only learning to manage his emotions, but he does not always succeed. Usually, by the age of 4-5, hysterical states pass, but you should know some points that can provoke another attack.

Parents quite often buy toys for their crumbs. Children each time demand more, more, and as a result parents have to refuse.
Usually tantrums occur in children who are unfamiliar with a simple word. "no"... Quite often, having received a refusal from mom, the baby runs to dad, who permits everything, or vice versa. As a result, the child begins to take advantage of this situation to achieve his own goals.
Fatigue and poor sleep can provoke a tantrum. A kid in this state will not be able to control his emotions.
The child does not feel comfortable in the store: the baby is tired, hungry, thirsty, wants to go to the toilet, or is generally annoyed by the whole environment.
Long shopping trips, a bunch of new emotions can also lead to fatigue, which ultimately causes tantrums.
Parents are busy choosing a product, and their crumbs are left to themselves (very often many of us get too caught up in the buying process, which completely forget about our children, who at that moment were completely worn out from boredom, and invent a good way - to arrange an indicative tantrum in order to parents again showed interest in him.

How to behave with a child in a store

The main reason for hysterics may be lack of attention from parents while shopping. Many mothers are so passionate about the shopping process and completely forget about their child, who at this moment is suffering from boredom. Indicative hysteria is a way to attract the attention of parents, so try to involve your child in shopping, he should feel that he is a full participant in such an event.

Maybe the child has found a way to put pressure on you. If earlier there was a similar precedent: the child went into hysterics, and the mother, wanting to quickly calm the upset baby, still bought him what he asked for, now the baby decided to adopt this method of manipulation.

To avoid this, before going shopping, the child must be sure to explain why you are going to the store, as well as to tell about the rules of behavior in a public place. Explain that yelling and making noise in the store should not be allowed as it may disturb other customers. Tell in advance what exactly you plan to buy. To make your baby less tempted, learn to resist spontaneous purchases yourself. Show him that you are guided by the list compiled in advance and are not going to take anything extra.

In grocery stores, the main temptations are located near the cash registers (usually they have chocolates, sweets and other goodies attractive to the baby), therefore, in order to avoid the child's stay in this area for a long time, it is better to try not to come for shopping at rush hour, or to leave the store with one parent while the other is in line. If the mother is alone with the child, then try to distract him. Let him help you put your purchases on tape or arrange them in packages.

History:Today I went with my son (3.5 g) to the store. We bought products. We stand at the checkout. And then my child begins to fill the basket with chocolates. To my “CANNOT” was given a clear answer “CAN”. Then I remove all this sweet food from the basket and say “NO”. And then a scream and an exponential jump to the floor follows. In general, while I was punching the goods, my son was lying nearby and yelling. Then, pulling him away from the cash register, I collected the groceries in a bag and tried to lift the child. To which I was told “GO HOME I WILL LIE HERE” It did not suit me and I took it out of the store. Then he was lying at the entrance for another 10 minutes. In general, everything ended as usual. The son got up Said that “I AM BAD” and we left. Now here's the question. Do you girls have such tantrums? How do you react? And if you happen to be ashamed in front of people? At such moments I try not to look at anyone at all. I want to fall through the ground.

Do not trust your baby, choose products yourself. He is attracted by bright packaging, most likely, he will choose the wrong thing and can be very upset or even throw a tantrum. Ask him to choose from the range of products that you usually buy. Let him decide for himself what taste you buy yogurt this time. Explain to the baby that each family member has his own taste preferences, then he can choose products for mom and dad.

How to prevent the development of hysteria?

If you plan to go shopping, it is best to leave the child at home with relatives (husband, grandmother), perhaps hire a nanny for a few hours. In this case, the problem will easily go away on its own. However, if this is not possible, then you should use the helpful tips below.

Nowadays, almost all large shopping centers are equipped with special children's entertainment rooms and entire towns. In them, you can leave the crumbs for a while under the supervision of specially trained animators and calmly spend time shopping. The child will feel good in the company of other children and animators.

If the child is still very young to leave him in the playrooms, then it is worth trying to find time for shopping in the morning, when there are very few people. Thus, you can save your baby from many annoying factors: noise, a large number of people.

Also, the child can be involved in the shopping process. To do this, you can together with him make a list of the necessary products and other things that you plan to purchase. You can ask him to put purchases in the basket or put them on the tape. This process will captivate the baby. Older children will love making the list with their parents. If the baby does not know how to write yet, you can ask him to draw the products that you need to buy.

If the child nevertheless began to ask for something from the assortment of numerous store counters, you can discuss how much this thing is necessary for the baby. Perhaps the baby already has a similar machine, or her grandmother just promised to buy a new doll on her next visit.

How to deal with child tantrums: instructions

Not going shopping with your baby is, of course, the perfect solution to the problem. But you need to learn how to cope with hysterics and try with all your might to prevent them if the baby is in a crowded place where there are many strangers. What do I need to do?

Mom must learn to anticipate the onset of hysteria. That is, to capture the moment when the usual indignation or indignation can turn into a whole scene with a picture crying. If the baby is upset or his mood has soured, he begins to whimper over trifles and in this state the baby will be rejected, hysterics cannot be avoided. You need to try to switch his attention to some interesting object, to a person passing by. Perhaps the child will be distracted from the cherished toy and the tantrum will not start;
If the baby already knows the concepts of "expensive" and "inexpensive", you can offer to buy another, cheaper toy instead of an expensive toy. This method might work. Some mothers take a certain amount with them to the store, which is enough only for current purchases. Seeing an empty wallet, many children understand that nothing can be bought without money and stop hysterics;

History: “This method works well for me. My child, who is little more than three, already knows the words "expensive" and "inexpensive", and when he asks for a collectible car for 1000 rubles, I say that we cannot afford such an expensive thing, but, for example, this truck for 100 rubles I can buy you. Works at a time. Another option is to take a limited amount of money with you and show the child an empty wallet at the end. “Mom has no money,” - we also learned this phrase a long time ago. ”

If the hysteria has begun, the baby must be explained that screaming and crying is not the best way to solve problems. Be sure to show him your dissatisfaction with such behavior. You can try to ignore hysterical states. A child who sees that no one is paying attention to his cry will soon be simply bored with such performances;

Important advice! Every mother should remember that if the baby cries for a long time, cannot stop on its own, ignoring it can bring him to a serious nervous breakdown. In this case, it is imperative to intervene and calm the baby down.

Also, the mother should teach the child to calmly express their emotions without hysterics. You should try to explain that dissatisfaction can be shown in ordinary words. For example: “I’m so unhappy that I can’t get it” or “I am so angry.” This civilized way of expressing emotions may please the baby;
You can take your baby's favorite toy from home, let him walk around the store with it. If he asks to buy something, tell him why? You already have a toy! Why new?
Try to behave the same every time you get hysterical. If the kid realized that in the store such things do not help to achieve what he wants, he can try to repeat them on the street or at home. One tactic must be followed. If this happened in a crowded place, the child must be taken away or even carried away in his arms to some quiet, calm place, where, in the intervals between crying, explain to him again that he is doing wrong, and such behavior will not achieve anything;
Promise that you will go, for example, to a cafe or to the playground after the store, but on condition of good behavior.

What to do if a tantrum has begun

What to do if all of the above methods did not help and the baby continues to scream and cry?

Never give in to provocations. You cannot buy a toy required by screaming, crying, even if you yourself were planning to purchase it. The child should know that by such behavior he will not get anything from you. Beware of cementing this victory in the mind of the baby. Show by your appearance that it is useless to have a conversation with you in this manner.
Stay calm, don't yell or spank your child, you can even lower your voice. Calmly and strictly say that you will not buy anything with this behavior, ask to put the goods back.
If the tantrum continues, repeat your request and say that you are leaving the store, because you cannot behave like this here, it disturbs the rest of the customers.
If the hysteria continues, really turn around and walk away. Stop so that the child is within sight. Perhaps he will follow you with a toy.
Ask him to put it back in its place and warn that the guard will not allow you to take something without paying, and you will not pay for it. If the child refuses to return the toy to its place, leave other purchases and leave the store without them (try not to let the child out of sight, this is unsafe). Wait for the child to follow you, also leaving the toy on the shelf, or the guard will pick it up.
If the child categorically does not go with you, you will have to take him out of the store in your arms and already on the street to clarify the situation.

Never scold a baby, do not call a crybaby, do not reproach for bad manners. He simply did not learn to cope with the surging emotions and, most likely, having started the performance, he simply could not calm down in time. At this moment, you need to show how much mom loves him and understands.

On the street, take the child to the side, if the baby does not calm down in any way, hug, sympathize with him. Explain that you also wanted to buy this toy for him, but so far it is not working (for example, there is no money). Try to convey to the child that mom is also offended. She could not fulfill his request, but this is not a reason to offend her herself with such behavior. Once the tears have dried, distract the child. It can be any little thing: a bird or plane flying by, a beautiful car passing by, or another kid in bright clothes.Thus, you will let the child understand that hysteria is not a way out of difficult situations and the next time, perhaps, it will be possible to buy what he wants.

When to see a psychologist

In some situations, uncontrolled hysterical states require the intervention of specialists: neurologists and psychologists. A doctor's consultation is required in the following cases:

the baby is more than 4 years old, and the tantrums continue, they become more frequent;
the child has bouts of aggression;
during such a state, the child's skin turns blue, he begins to choke;
during the period of uncontrollable emotions, the child causes himself physical harm;
hysterical states are accompanied by insomnia, nightmares;
after the end of the tantrum, the child is lethargic and tired;
after a long cry, the baby opens vomiting or involuntary urination.

The neurologist will prescribe some tests that will help identify neurological problems in the baby. If all is well with health, then the cause of the deterioration may be family conflicts and peculiarities of intra-family relations. In this case, the baby should be shown to a child psychologist or psychotherapist. After a thorough examination, a specialist can prescribe medication to correct the mental state of the baby.

Most likely, these will be mild sedatives. Perhaps the appointment of herbal decoctions, baths and homeopathic remedies. The dosage and time of treatment are prescribed by the doctor. Relief may occur immediately after the first days of admission, but you cannot stop treatment on your own.

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Psychologist's advice

In the fight against tantrums, firmness is the main method. The kid should not feel that with the help of tantrums to influence you. He needs to know that you will not change your mind, no matter how he behaves. With each such attack, the mother's behavior should be the same. Thus, the baby will understand that his scandals are ineffective. Calmly and confidently, the mother must insist on her own.

If the tantrum does start, try to remain calm. Do not get angry, do not spank the child, do not push him away from the shelves, do not yell at him - this will only add fuel to the fire and upset the baby even more. At this moment, it is worth hugging the baby and recalling the basic rules of behavior. Explain that if he doesn't calm down, you will have to leave without buying anything. If that doesn't help, pick up the child and leave. Say that the next shopping trip can be done on another day when he is doing well.

In conclusion, I would like to warn young parents: there is no need to be afraid of hysterical states if they do not harm health. If you cannot cope with tantrums on your own, you need to seek professional help. Experts, using proven methods, will teach the baby to cope with his emotions and control his condition.

Psychologist Irina Dedele
During a child's tantrum, the main problem for parents is not a child's cry, but the reaction of others. Agree that at home in the same situation, when there are no observers, you feel much more confident and calmer.
So, if a scandal broke out on the street, your main, albeit not a very simple task is to imagine that there is no one around. Try to pay less attention to what others think about your "scandalous" child and about you as a "good-for-nothing" mother. After all, you are strangers with these people and you will never see them again!
A public scandal is most often designed precisely for the fact that you will get scared, try by any means to calm down the raging child - only in order to look good in the eyes of others. It is enough to succumb to it once, and the demonstration performances will begin to repeat with depressing regularity.
If you want to protect yourself from this, brace yourself and be firm.

From forums

Sometimes you observe such a scene in a store — a child rolls on the floor and yells “buy”, and poor mommy hisses angrily at him and is ready to fall through the earth ... How do you cope with situations such as leaving the store without sacrifices for both the child and the wallet?

– Malvinka: Before entering the store, I warn my son that if he is capricious he won't go to the store with me anymore - that's enough for him! And if suddenly he still insists on a whole basket of sweets, then I warn you or those that I allow, or come out with an empty basket. Once there was such a practice - the son no longer wants to go out empty-handed !!!
– Elena: I tell my own in front of the store that we go for groceries, and we have money only for groceries, if we buy toys or sweets, then we will have nothing to eat, and I also consult with him what sausage to take, what kind of butter or cheese, he is like a business to me gives, and I still tell him that this is how dad helps me, and when he is not, she is for him.
– Anastasia: The main thing is to inform the child correctly in advance, and what is even more important - ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR STATEMENTS AND FULFILL PROMISES !!! if, before going to the store, you told your child that you would not buy anything and if he asks, and in the end, after his rolled tantrum, you buy just to keep him quiet, then this is inevitable! he will always try to achieve everything with tears.
– Mum: Immediately I occupy the child's hands with something (juice, small toy - you can take it from home). If I was hysterical, I left the store without shopping. What to do, such an age.
– Hamingjusamura:at the same age I tried to be hysterical in the store .. calmly said that if he didn’t stop, he won’t get anything at all, we’ll leave without shopping ... the child continued ... I put the basket where they stood, took the child by the scruff of the neck and took it out of the store without buying anything , so dragged by the scruff to the house. I never hysterical again.

Online shopping as an alternative

An excellent way out for buying toys, clothes and other necessary things can be an online children's goods store. Mom's half an hour at the computer, a couple of days for delivery, and at the doorstep there is a package with a purchase for the baby, and all the temptations of toy counters in this case are absent, and for parents this is a significant saving not only time, but also money (after all, there is a high probability that in a real store would have to buy something else very “necessary” for the child 🙂